Perhaps your need to be discreet regarding last night’s outfit is a bit more innocent than the aforementioned instance. After a beautiful dinner complete with across the table hand holding with your beau, you both awake with a hankering for Eggs Benedict, but seeing as you are not (as of yet) co-habitating, you’ve got to work with what you’ve got. And isn’t that what life is all about? A swanky dinner at Claudette called for the perfect little black dress (a favorite LBD of mine worn two ways here and here) and sexy stilettos. As stunning as you looked last night strolling past tables packed with wealthy Wall Street types and their girlfriends who smacked them for gawking, wearing the same thing this morning to Bubby’s may raise some eyebrows for entirely different reasons. An incredibly simple way to disguise your enticing ensemble is to simply tie a denim or chambray shirt around you (a flannel variation would work as well) and embrace the uptown/downtown amalgation by also embracing your bed head with a simple rope braid (learn how here). You’ll look so “devil may care” that the only reason someone’s head may turn this time is to figure out which tabloid star you are. Order a mimosa for me.
We’ve all awoken as the morning sun manages to creep through the black out shades rendering us nearly blind to the startling realization that the water glass on the nightstand is empty and that nightstand is not our own. The second pang of panic comes barreling through shortly after groggily recalling that what we deemed appropriate attire for a late evening dalliance may not exactly translate to daytime, let alone during the morning commute with other responsible, gainfully employed adults. I was not a Girl Scout, but I am always prepared. 98% of the time, there is a pair of sunglasses stashed safely in my bag (I painfully learned this lesson during that other 2% of the time). Sunglasses are essentially a real life force field. Whether they actually prove to disguise your appearance from curious onlookers or not is irrelevant so long as you feel like they do. As you carefully tiptoe your way to the restroom only to discover that your previously perfect blowout more resembles Bob Marley’s dreadlocks, you breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you have a hair tie on your wrist and a collection of bobby pins in the bottom of your bag. This is when when a top knot comes in handy (tutorial here). The only problem left is somehow making that tiny crop top look less Pretty Woman and more Carrie Bradshaw.
One of my favorite outfits and favorite shoots (which you can see in totality here) is a perfect example of something that would garner compliments post sunset and could attract clientele come morning if you’re seen standing on the corner too long awaiting your Uber. Whether your evening prior to sunrise had been raucous or rather innocent, sometimes you’ve got to borrow from your boy’s closet to save some dignity, but how does one do so without looking like a total shacker? In this instance, wearing a belted pair of shorts with your crop top and pulling your hair into a squeaky clean top knot will certainly fool any innocent bystander into believing that you did, in fact, wake up like this.
Women aren’t the only ones who have beauty routines as we can attest by the currently popurlar man buns (aka “muns”). Along with stealing our rubberbands from the backs of bathroom door handles, men have begun encroaching upon our conditioner, our face wash, and even our razors. When you share space with a man, you start to share everything and sometimes the lines become blurred– and not in a sexy Emily Ratajkowski kind of way. Most women allot a pretty penny and significant portion of their paychecks to special beauty products meant to preserve them and cure all their beauty woes. When your beau starts lathering up with your $60 ant-aging face wash, it can become difficult not to want to dunk him in the tub, but part of you is probably happy that he’s at least decided to shower today. Male grooming has become more socially acceptable and that can be seen by the wide range of products targeted specifically to the male species. There was a time when seeing a man in a nail salon was a rarity, but let’s be serious. Real men get manicures (and hopefully an occasional pedicure). I, personally, don’t want your gnarly feet shredding my 1200 thread count sheets. If you’ve come to the horrifying realization that your man has been using your prized eye cream to soften his calluses, it’s time to set him up with his very own collection of dude friendly grooming products.
This summer, men took accessorizing one step further by donning what we now know as the “man bun.” And while I do have a healthy portion of male readers (God bless you analytics), I will not take the blame (or credit- depending on your stance) for the trend just because I’ve made more than one brilliant top knot tutorial (you can learn “how to” here and here). For the past decade or so, men hadn’t had much wiggle room when it came to socially acceptable hairdos. There’s been the classic buzz cut, the Bieber bob, and that whole spiky gelled situation that ruined shams worldwide. And let’s just be thankful we all survived the “faux hawk.”
While the ponytail is nothing new (hello, Karl Lagerfeld), men decided that wasn’t good enough and began piling their locks on their heads way atop or grazing the napes of their necks, real estate formerly reserved for sweet nuzzles from their beloveds. I’m not sure who can specifically be appointed as the official firestarter of this follicle free for all, but I think Colin Farrell was one of the male topknot pioneers. To be fair, average citizens started sporting it well before it became mainstream. I had an ex-boyfriend several years ago who began experimenting with the trend. Granted, he also thought waking up and drinking the leftover beer on his nightstand from the night before was par for the course. In any case, this hair-rowing (see what I did there?) hairstyle has taken over from east to west coast, north to south. There are several blogs dedicated solely to the praise of ballerina buns fit for Baryshnikov (exhibit A and exhibit B) and The Awl even created a brilliant collection of the male topknot in its natural habitat.
Much like the beard bubble was predicted to pop (and has yet to do so as late adopters are STILL jumping on the bearded bandwagon), the man bun would appear to have a shelf life itself. Interestingly enough, it seems that the topknot and beard are not mutually exclusive and often worn in tandem. All this hair has me asking a lot of questions though. Many men claim to be the superior sex, but I’m beginning to sense a trend. It started with our eyeliner and skinny jeans then men began eying our tank tops and now they’re angling for our hair ties? And if you’re in a couple this also leads to a lot of financial hurdles. Can we afford to double up on deep conditioners? Do we need to own one flatiron or two? Won’t our shower drain clog twice as fast?
So with the imminent onslaught of snow, will these top knot wearing gents be forced to concede their coifs once they realize a bun looks more like a goiter under a beanie? Or will ear muffs have a renaissance for men? As I typed this, a shiver went down my spine as I realized that the knitted headband or even a turban may not be off limits to a man who has mastered the art of bobbi pins. I’d be lying if I didn’t get a little hot and bothered collecting visual aids for this post, but I really want to know your thoughts.
On a “date” (and let’s use that term very loosely in this instance) that ended in a sex shop on Sixth Avenue last night, my suitor turned to me over bisteca per due at Morandi and asked, “What’s your type?” My initial response would have been, “Not you,” but I figured that wouldn’t exactly be conducive to getting through the rest of our meal without utensil related injury. My actual answer was that I don’t have a type and that’s not a farce. When I look back on all of my relationships- long term and very short lived- I’m basically an equal opportunity dater. From Wall Street bankers to musicians, athletes, writers, and tech nerds, I’ve basically run the gamut when it comes to careers and as far as appearances go they’ve been tall, short, dark, light, and everything in between. Of course there has to be an initial attraction whether it be physical or mental, but the reason my heart melted for each one of them comes from an intangible place. Even the worst of them (and that’s a tight race) had his wondrous moments and I hold a special place for each of them in my little black heart. That’s why this week, we are dedicating WhyDid to the men in our lives and all that comes along with them. So, ladies, let’s hear it for the boys.