Apologies for the tardiness of my Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet Recap… my dog, Smitty, was getting his teeth cleaned (see ya later, halitosis) and apparently that’s what the rest of us should have been doing rather than watching anyway. First of all, are we really still letting Chris Brown perform (let alone letting him out of his cage)? Remember when you built your Sunday evening around catching a music awards show? Popcorn and all? They were the “fun” award shows. Well, either I’m getting old or the music industry (and America) need to get it together, STAT. Since, very clearly, it can’t be the former, step it up singers and lady songbirds! Despite the snooze inducing show, the red carpet, as always, did not disappoint… and I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way…
Katy Perry (in Blumarine) is looking quite the Teese.
Julianne Hough saved time by just wearing her Kaufman Franco towel.
Wearing Oscar de la Renta, Carrie Underwood proves (yet again) there’s no place like home.
We all know Miley Cyrus isn’t scared of a little Risky Business in Jean Paul Gaultier.
Wait… was this a music award show or a movies award show? Hmph.
You know, the Grammy’s always manage to get my blood boiling. Whether Lady Gaga is showing up as an egg or Snooki just shows up, it seems like this particular award show just causes everyone to lose their darn minds. This year was especially tragic due to the loss of the great Whitney Houston, and I expected a much more subdued, somber affair, but despite the abundance of (I suspect unintentional) black on the red carpet, it seems the night carried on as usual.
Oh- hey black dresses. I know that we all think you can’t go wrong in a little black dress (LBD), but it would appear that’s not always the case. Now, I know Rihanna’s Armani “collaboration” was a showstopper, but let’s be real, while not offensive, it’s also nothing that me or one of my sorority sisters didn’t don at one of our date parties. This slinky low cut number left me less than impressed. Anne V (beautiful arm candy to beau Adam Levine), proved that an LBD can be anything but tasteful. We get it, your gorgeous. Now please cover your crotch. However, Gwyneth Paltrow wowed in this tasteful yet unexpected Stella Mc Cartney. That, my friends, is how an LBD is done.
Without spending too much time on the red carpet (and my head and heart exploding), let’s just get down to business. Three ladies who I thought stole the show, or at least the red carpet, were Taylor Swift in Zuhair Murad and an unlikely chic bun updo (let’s forget about her Yeehaw Junction performace), Jessie J in Julien Macdonald, and Kelly Rowland in Alberta Ferretti. This is how you do elegant glamour.
And with the good must come the bad. While I have to say that I was blown away by the color and the detail of Fergie’s Jean Paul Gaultier get up, I had no interest in her oversized granny panties or “Grammies” as they were coined. It’s a bit age inappropriate (and eye inappropriate), but had she chosen nude, tonal, or metallic undergarments, I might have been slightly less offended. Katy Perry just needs to cut it out with her crazy colored hair (this combination has me thinking she’s gunning for a Smurfs sequel), and this Elie Saab dress leaves me longing for that ridiculous light up number she sported. The most offensive by far, however, was Nicki Minaj in Versace. I don’t care if you showed up with the pope. This look will have you saying Hail Mary’s from now until eternity. Why don’t you and Gaga just have a “weird off” and see who can outdo each other once and for all. Kind of like a dance off with clothes.
Nonetheless, the Grammy’s was full of fantastic performances and plenty of fun… and while my blood pressure may have peaked… I’m certain I will tune in again next year just to get another glimpse of crazy.
Let’s first talk about how obnoxious it was that the West Coast had a delayed viewing of the Grammy’s. I already knew who wore what and who won what before seeing a second of footage. So basically, I watched the Grammy’s twice. This theme carried throughout the entire evening. Seemed that everything was coming in pairs- aka- twice the pain.
The “buzz” for the evening was Lady Gaga arriving to the awards in an egg. Yep, an egg. Apparently, she was “incubating.” I mean… I can’t. I give people credit for being different, but sometimes trying too hard to be “different” merely makes you the same as everyone else. I don’t want to point out the obvious, but that performance by Gaga was pretty reminiscent of a very “materialistic” pop icon who was once known for being “innovative” herself. So, now I turn to you Nicki Minaj. What are you trying to pull? Why must you try so hard to shock us with these crazy get ups? If you’re going to attempt to catch our attention, you’re gonna have to work a wee bit harder when you’ve got Lady Gaga walking the same red carpet as you.
A group of incredibly talented and lovely ladies paid tribute to the amazingly talented Aretha Franklin. While they did a fantastic job rounding up gals with some serious pipes, you can’t help but notice that Christina Aguilera blew them all out of the water. It’s a good thing that Ms. Aguilera is talented because the way she’s been looking lately is just frightening. I can’t help but think she looks a lot like a certain pork filled childhood pal…
Okay, so Snooki will never actually look like JLo. However, Jenny from the Block may want to make sure her stylist isn’t moonlighting as Snooki’s stylist, which is very possible because Snookster looks a lot better than her usual hamster self.
Besties Katy Perry (in Armani) and Rihanna (in Jean Paul Gaultier) opted for white. Both also opted to look like they were wearing costumes. Katy is clearly an angel (see the wings?) and RiRi is most obviously a furry white caterpillar, duh. Guuuuys… this is the GRAMMY’s, not Halloween!
So basically, Natasha Bedingfield is wearing Ciara’s dress pre-run-in with weed wacker.
One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just isn’t the same… Give up? Well, everyone here has a talent EXCEPT one. Still stuck?
Oh… well, that’s just awkward.
So, while, I did tune into the Grammy’s this evening, I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t. Lucky for me, I DVR’ed it. So, in reality, I could watch it a third time.