Oct
07
2014
0


WhyDid or Why Don’t: Picture Perfecting

instagram photo appsA couple of weeks ago, a photo of Beyonce posted to her Tumblr account was called onto the carpet and not a red one for being  a very clear case of (bad) Photoshopping.  There was a very obvious alteration to the image made more painfully obvious by the mysterious slope in the stairs behind her perfectly spaced thigh gap.  If this was not a case of Photoshop foolery, the Carters better be careful young Blue Ivy doesn’t stumble down that warped yacht staircase.

Sadly, that was not the first time Beyonce had been called out for altering her candid photos, but to be fair she is only one of a slew of celebrities to tamper with their social snapshots.  What started off as simple and standard in app filters to enhance a tan, deflect less than stellar skin, or add artistic flair has turned into full blown post production photographs worthy of five figure paychecks.  Isn’t social media a place where celebrities should be better able to connect with fans?  You know, celebrities, they’re just like us.  Ideally, social media should be a place for celebrities to take on more human personas as opposed to their perfectly airbrushed alter egos.

Models and actors are already Photoshopped to within inches of their lives for ads, interviews, and endorsements, but most of the masses realize that much of that is simply smoke and mirrors.  Obviously, glossy magazine spreads and movie posters are all part of the job description and many Photoshop fails have come at the hands of professional retouchers employed by major publications and big brands, but when has it gone too far?

When there is no longer a line between reality and fantasy, how are we, as mere mortals, supposed to digest this photographic perfection?  How are young girls not to feel bad about themselves after seeing their idols looking like they really did wake up like that- AKA, full hair and makeup?  Listen, if I don’t have a thigh gap, I think it’s pretty safe to say that Queen Bey does not either. While, I may be able to call out “fauxtos” for what they really are, what about those who take these digital masterpieces more literally?  Are we only exacerbating the ideal of unachievable perfection?

So, how exactly are celebrities stepping up their Instagram game beyond basic filters?  Well, there are plenty of apps available now (one of which I used in the photograph above that is worth downloading for sheer entertainment purposes), that allow for serious digital makeovers.  Some of them are essentially equivalent to using a desktop version of Adobe Photoshop on your smartphone.  You can smooth out skin, nip, tuck, and even whiten teeth making it nearly impossible to ever take a bad photo again.  But what is the point of sharing moments that are anything but authentic?  I believe the “Insta” part of Instagram is meant to imply that we are sharing the moment as we’re in it (since we all know it never happened unless it’s documented on social media).  It’s bad enough that we watched the sun set the screen of our iPhone, must we waste another twenty minutes applying the perfect filters?

Last week new photos of Beyonce wearing yet another bikini materialized on the world wide web, presumably to back pedal her previous posts, but what it’s really done has given us a vehicle for side by side comparison.  Celebrities, they’ll never learn… just like us.

 

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram.

xx,

WhyDid

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Jun
04
2014
1


Why Did or Why Don’t: Return to Sender (a Poll & PSA)
Written by: WhyDid | Why Did or Why Don't?

bone freeIn the digital age, dating has taken a turn for the worse.  Things that seem as though they should make meeting a mate more manageable have just become downright scary.  Social media has made everyone so much more accessible and while it can be used for good like tracking down that “missed connection” from the L train, it seems as if men are overly stimulated by the bathing beauties and their bikini pics only inflating their egos to the point wherein they think they stand a chance with the 23 year old model from Johannesburg who spends her days squatting, not eating the food in her pictures, and taking selfies, therefore blowing off the perfectly lovely local ladies actually available to them.  Along with turning Facebook and Instagram into quasi dating sites, there has since been the inception of Tinder, which will require a dedicated tiger clad post in and of itself at a later date.  All of these brilliant advances in technology just so happen to be within finger’s reach for us thanks to our so called smartphones.  No need to flip open that archaic laptop, ew.  You are just a swipe away from millions of other people in the midst of ignoring their “real life” company to bask in the glow of their screens.

Texting has overtaken the phone call and do not even ask me when the last time I received a hand written anything other than birthday cards from my best friends and family was.  Seriously, don’t ask me because I do remember.  (Pro-tip: bonus points earned for voice on voice contact, but if you take the time to put pen to paper and mail it, I’m yours).  That said, a lot is left to be desired in modern day romance as much of what we are trying to express over text is totally lost in translation.  There is no expression, no context, and no way of being sure that your message was received- both literally and figuratively.  There is, however, one type of text message that needs no analyzation.  Its context and subtext is quite clear.

penis street artAs we lay in one of my best friend’s cozy bed watching “That Awkward Moment” (insert irony here) last Saturday night, I asked her if she had heard from a particular suitor and I guess his ears– but more likely loins– were burning because as if on cue, her phone lit up and there he was.  Instead of your run of the mill midnight “u out?” bro text message, this was something far more frightening.  It was the dreaded “dick pic.”

I should have video recorded the reaction.  Not only did she not want to open the photo from the preview, she handed it to us to do the dirty work.  There was a lot of nervous laughter, a little bit of uncomfortable squealing, followed by a game of hot potato with her iPhone.  And should I ever have the pleasure of meeting this guy, I’ll have a hard time keeping it together seeing as I’ve already met his penis.  The odd part in all of this (as if there is anything more odd than receiving a photo of a basic stranger’s genitals) is that she has not been on a date with him, has not even kissed him, and hadn’t even responded to any of his messages for the past two weeks.  Post deleting his message and blocking his phone number, we managed to sleep through the night sans phallic nightmares.

When I awoke Sunday to a frantic phone call from the same friend, I postponed my run along the Westside Highway to hear her out.  As it turns out, after having headed home and slipping into a sweet slumber, another Prince Charming snapped a shot of his cyclops and sent it her way.  Again, someone who she had not been responding to all evening.  Two dick pics in less than twelve hours?  That’s got to be some kind of record, no?

tinder picture

And maybe my friends and I are alone in this and you all can chock us up as prudes (though that would be fairly inaccurate), but I’m really wondering if AND WHO?! are the ladies out there requesting pictures of male packages leading modern day men to believe that all of us are interested in a salami slider sent straight to our cell phones.  I imagine that somewhere along the line, these guys were given the green light by some broad because they seem to think this is the ticket to ride.  It’s as if they had the thought process of, “Oh, she’s not responding to my messages?  I’ll just send her cock shot.  That’ll get the rooster crowing!”

Here’s the thing: Women just aren’t aroused by pictures of your penises.  It’s science and I can speak from personal experience.  I had an ex who loved to send me penis portraits that I had never commissioned.  And some would say that so long as you’re actually sleeping with the sender, a photograph of his nether regions doesn’t seem all that offensive.  However, he enjoyed sending photos of his ship without wind in its sails.  Not sexy.  Plus, I’ve already been acquainted with your personal kayak, so don’t fill up your camera roll with your scrotum selfies.  Save space for pictures of your niece or your lunch.  Basically, you’re more likely to get my panties in a bunch by sending a picture of a puppy or perhaps your face.  Although, I did recently receive an unsolicited  and shirtless “right before bedtime selfie” that was very Jersey Shore.  We are no longer dating.

So, to the fellas out there, please stop sending us pictures of the land down below because we don’t want our passports stamped and to the ladies… are you down with the D or is this the modern day equivalent of flashing?

 

xx,

WhyDid

 

 

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Jun
03
2014
1


Why Did or Why Don’t: Take a Bow…
Written by: WhyDid | Why Did or Why Don't?

rihanna_cfdaIn case you don’t follow anyone on Instagram and haven’t yet seen the sparkly get up that bad gal, RiRi wore to accept the CFDA award for “Fashion Icon of the Year” last night, here she blows.  At first look I was thoroughly impressed with the beautiful old Hollywood glamour she opted for, but her shiny… and see through custom Adam Selman dress was met with mixed reviews.  Some applauded her while others were appalled.  Rihanna is no newbie to controversy and raising a few well groomed eyebrows.  I mean, this isn’t her first appearance on WhyDid either… she was here, here, and here for starters.  And while I am not always a fan of her muppetesque hair and her choices in men (ha! who am I to talk?), I do love that she seems to have absolutely no problem doing, saying, and wearing whatever she damn well pleases, which are probably all factors as to why she was even presented with the award.  Her hair, makeup, and accessories were perfection and if anyone is going to go nearly nude to an awards show, thank heavens it was someone with her body as opposed to say, Steve Carell’s.  The more I think about it, Rihanna is one smart cookie.  She went ahead and took out all the possibility of an accidental nip slip and just came in with all guns blazing.  And honestly, if you do follow her on Instagram, you’ve already all but seen her naked, so why are we all so shcocked?  But enough about me… Rihanna’s look: too much or never enough?

rihanna-cfda

Rihanna

rihanna-2014-cfda-awards-fashion-icon-billboard-650

xx,

WhyDid

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Mar
25
2014
1


How To Tuesday: But First, Let Me Take a Selfie

how to take a selfie

Once “selfie” was actually included in the Oxford dictionary (though spellcheck still does not recognize it), I figured it was a topic that was well worth addressing in a long overdue (greatly anticipated) episode of How To Tuesday.  Though our newsfeeds are swamped with narcissistic snapshots of mugs of friends, acquaintances, and Victoria’s Secret models, it seems that some of you are still not quite clear as to what constitutes an actual selfie.  First of all, it’s a photograph of YOU taken by YOU.  While posting a photograph of yourself taken by someone else is still just as self indulgent as a selfie, it does not classify as one.  And because I know you’re going to have a super good hair day soon and need to document it, let’s break down the best and most flattering ways to capture your pretty little pout with the “Do’s” and “Don’t’s” of taking a perfect selfie.

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Feb
21
2014
1


The List Volume: Instagram
Written by: WhyDid | The List

kirsten smith instagramI get scolded quite a bit for being on my phone during dinners and nights out with friends.  I quickly remind them that I’m “working.”  Which shouldn’t actually be in quotes because I really am.  Social Media is bascially a 24/7 job, especially when you work for yourself.  However, I’ve taken it down a notch and for those of you who aren’t actually running a business, it’s time to put down your phones.  I know that selfie and shot of your salmon seem super important, but your friends are about to disown you if you don’t rejoin them in a little place called reality.  So, here are some hard and fast rules for Instagram posting:

  1. Instagram is basically not real life.  Don’t let it consume yours.
  2. I think a lot of people need to learn the art of self editing.  We get that you are somewhere really beautiful or you’re having a REALLY good hair day, or there is a lot going on, but try and pic a COUPLE of the best pictures and spread them out throughout the day.  No one likes their feed being spammed by your event.  Either that or learn to make a collage.
  3. We do not need your doctors’ visits, weekly sonogram, bloody wounds, or hunting kills to be forever etched into our brains.  A post delivery baby hospital pic gets a pass though.
  4. I’m really not kidding when I say I don’t want to see your food pictures.  Unless what you are about to eat is a slain dragon, I’m just not interested.
  5. If you’re going to create a meme (good for you), please, dear God, check your spelling/grammar.  No matter how hilarious the punchline may be, I can’t get over the fact that you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
  6. If you need to use a filter on top of a filter before posting that self indulgent selfie, you probably shouldn’t be posting it.  This is Instagram, not Vogue.  There’s no need to Photoshop.
  7. #Hashtagsareactuallyusefulifyouknowwhatyouredoing.  Not everything needs to be hashtagged, but don’t hate on others who actually know how to use them.
  8. Give credit where credit is due.  If you love something someone posted, spread the love, but credit the source.
  9. Please don’t post pictures only to delete them two minutes later.  This is Instagram not Snapchat (although there’s now that creepy direct message thing).  Don’t post unless you are sure you want to post.  Posting something and then removing it two minutes later doesn’t make you look mysterious, it makes you look insecure, and a little bit schizo.
  10. Clean your damn mirror, selfie queen.

And this one goes out to you… and you… and you…

Now, follow me on Instagram so you can see what I’m wearing.

xx,

WhyDid

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