Another year, another round of award shows doling out little metal trophies to folks who may or may not deserve them. But the fun is not in who wins what as much as it is in who wears what.  So, let the self tanner application, lapses in style judgement, and wardrobe malfunctions begin and let’s kick things off with last night’s American Music Awards.

While it’s been a while since I’ve tuned in, some things remain exactly as they did a year ago… and beyond.  These include but are not limited to:

• They’re still letting Chris Brown perform.  Why they even let him out of his cage, I’ll never know, but this white girl won’t be dancing like it’s her birthday when his songs come on.  Ever.
• Jenny McCarthy is still hot.
• You still can’t touch MC Hammer.
• Christina Aguilera still wears leotards when she probably shouldn’t (but she can still sing like nobody’s business, so we’ll give her a pass).
• Pitbull is still making songs that don’t make any logical sense in English or Spanish.
• Crowding the stage with babes in bedazzled bustiers will still cover up any bad performance.
• Taylor Swift is still singing about some boy who did her wrong in something that resembles a bad prom dress.
• Nicki Minaj is still in need of a time out.
• Pink could still kick your ass.
• No Doubt is still as rad as ever.

And while it’s nice to have a bit of stability in your life, I’m a little concerned about America’s choices in music.  Perhaps that’s a better indicator of the state of our nation?  One thing that does seem to be changing is Justin Bieber’s voice (anyone else catch that?) which was quite clear after hearing him dedicate his win to the “haters” (he realizes he’s an eighteen year old 98lb white kid, right?).  So, I decided I was going to come up with my own award categories that seem much, much more important:

Best Legs:

Color of the Evening:

 Most in Need of a New Hairstyle:

So, let’s step it up, folks.  We’ll consider this a “warm up.”  A “rehearsal” if you will.  Last time I checked, which was just now, my socks are still on, so no one particularly blew me away.  Bring on the crazy… I’ve gotta have something to write about.

xx,

WhyDid

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Hey Nicki?  Johnny 5 called… he wants his look back.  I should have figured the opening performance would set the tone for this year’s American Music Awards.  The tone being one big hot shiny mess.  I should have changed the channel… I should have looked away, but alas, I could not.  I’ve had about enough of Nicki’s wacky get ups. I’m on team Johnny 5.  What about you?

The AMA’s weren’t all bad though.  Here are five lovely ladies sporting what was most certainly the trend of the evening- metallics.  Sadly, this is about where the “good” ends and the eye gouging begins.

Watching the AMA’s only confirmed the fact that I might need to relocate to a tropical island– or at least place where it takes a lot more talent and several fewer sparkly bra tops to get ahead.

Exhibits A, B, and B 1/2.  It pains me to see Christina Aguilera look like… well, that.  What happened to that little Genie in a Bottle of yore?  It also pains me to see the mother of two wearing a sequin covered costume that may or may not have belonged to Britney Spears circa 1999.  Those jewel encrusted bra cups have got to be a breast feeding safety hazard.  Am I right?  Let’s not even get into the incestuousness of Pitbull’s pelvic grinding performance with J. Lo followed up by another performance with her ex-hubby Marc Anthony and sequin braziered fly girls.  Ew. And as for Adam Lambert, well, I really just wanted to throw him in so I could coin his new nickname, “Glambert.”  You’re welcome.

Let’s get it together, America.  We’re better than this.  All that glitters is not gold.

xx,

WhyDid

P.S. Ending the show with Hasselhoff in his manties? Classy touch.

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So, I was scrolling through photos from last night’s red carpet arrivals for the American Music Awards and I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the stunning Taylor Swift. She traded in her trademark ringlets for a very sleek, very sexy blowout with thick bangs (I’m calling a trend here, folks!). I felt like just giving up after seeing her. She’s so beautiful that she could have just as easily been a model. Sigh…

After I recovered, I continued perusing the photos from last night and stopped yet again, when I saw the lovely Avril Lavigne. I’m not sure what this little lady’s been up to lately other than some tabloid snippets here and there about her dating Brody Jenner, but homegirl looks great! The craziest part is that she eerily resembles Miss Swift. I don’t know whether Avril should be flattered or Taylor should be insulted. Or maybe they should just smack five and model walk away. I can’t decide. Life’s hard.

I get that Taylor has a solid 8 inches of height on Avril, but come on, tell me the resemblance isn’t a little crazy. Both are gorgeous blondes with perfect porcelain skin… not to mention they are both embracing some serious graphic design with their dresses.

xx,

WhyDid

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