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I for sure had a different WhyDid Wisdom post ready for today… but alas, realized that it was a very special day and deemed the aforementioned post inappropriate for a day such as this.  So, let’s take a break from my regularly scheduled snark for something a bit more sweet.  Cut me a break, I’m high on pumpkin pie.

I had always thought of myself as a pretty spiritual person.  I made sure to pray before bed, I’d read plenty of books on Kabbalah, Christianity, Spirituality, and Juduaism but it was a recent incident that really solidified my faith.

My father always used to tell me to go find a big rock somewhere and to just “go be quiet.”  I humored him and said, “Alright,” but never actually took his advice (sorry, dad).  What was I going to do?  Go sit at the duck pond at Central Park?  It’s awfully hard to find somewhere to be completely silent in New York.  However, as some of you are well aware, I spent the past two years on the West Coast (Los Angeles and Silicon Valley) and I had plenty of places to be quiet… but still never did.  I realized that the problem was not my environment, but my state of mind.  I couldn’t quiet my thoughts and tell my brain to shut up long enough to fully get in touch my soul.

Fast forward and I’m back in New York…

Not so long ago (like really not that long ago) I found myself in a very frustrated, fed up, defeated place in my life.  It would have been quite easy for me to just throw in the towel, call it a day, and just walk away and give up.  To just quit… and I certainly considered doing just that.  You see, it’s a whole heck of a lot easier to look around and say, “Why don’t I have this?”  “Why is he/she getting the big breaks and I’m busting my ass?”  “How come nothing good ever happens to me?”  “Why does it have to be so hard?”  While there may actually be some slivers of truth to your complaints, focusing on the flaws instead of the fruits of your hard work, may be exactly why you aren’t succeeding.  Spending time belly aching over what’s wrong doesn’t leave much room for the right things to come into your life.  That’s precisely what I’d been doing.

Maybe instead of being bummed about the failed relationship, lost opportunity, lack of funds, or feeling of complete loss, we should be thankful that for whatever reason those things didn’t pan out and continue to have faith that the answer is coming, so long as you’re looking.  I get it.  Easier said than done.

Back to me as a complete and utter train wreck in New York…

As I lay there on my white leather couch with Smitty, completely still, completely silent (the city was inexplicably serene that afternoon), mascara stains down my cheeks, I forced myself to pray (meditate for the less religious).  I started by first listing all of the things I was thankful for:  my ever supportive family, my tried and true friendships, the furry little angel breathing heavy on my lap, all the talents I take for granted, my beautiful home… Every time my thoughts started to wander elsewhere… what would I wear later?, I need to call Katie back, is my flatiron still on?… I re-centered and pressed on.  I asked for help.  I asked for guidance.  I asked for forgiveness.  I closed my eyes and cried.  I then fell asleep.

Without outlining the entire experience, when I awoke, my tears were no longer those of sorrow, but instead those of joy.  I had asked for a sign to renew my faith.  To show me that I was on the right track and that I wasn’t completely losing my way or my mind.  I could not believe the promptness of my answer.  I can’t even get a coffee at Starbucks that fast.  I called my parents and told them with tears in my eyes that nothing like this had ever happened to me.  These things just never happen… although my mom reminded me there was an incident as a small child where I may or may not have brought a baby bird back to life, but if you want the full story, you’re gonna have to call my dad.

For those who really know me, they know that I’m not some sappy sucker, so for me to even write this, is kind of a big deal.  I don’t often share things this close to my heart, but feel compelled today to do so.

This past year was less than stellar for me, but I know that the worst of the worst shit that happened to me is a drop in the bucket compared to the heartaches and hardships of others.  Now when I start to get out my pen to ink my RSVP to the pity party, I recall that day and am reminded to just have faith and to be thankful for where I am and what I have.  I know that every little let down is actually a lesson, every disappointment is actually a dodged bullet, and every failure is actually an opportunity.

So, next time you’re about to bitch about the price of gas or that annoying girl at work who insists on eating tuna fish sandwiches at her desk, ask yourself: Do you have water?  Do you have a bed (or at the very least a couch) to sleep on tonight?  Did you just gorge yourself on turkey to the point where your button popped?  Are you on a computer/iPad/smartphone using the internet/wifi to read this post?  Trust me, there is plenty I could complain about… have you read The Lists?

And while it certainly is nice to dedicate one day a year specifically to being grateful for all of our blessings, perhaps we should start every day feeling appreciative.  Look around you right now and really feel deep gratitude for what you already have.  There are many others with much less.

xx,

WhyDid

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The girl sitting at the bar of the Pig and Whistle on 2nd Avenue reading an Elle and drinking a Hoegaarden at 11:35am? Yeah, that’s me. In exchange for an outlet to charge my phone, I had to purchase a beer and pretend that I’d be staying longer than it took for my phone to reach 100% battery power. (It took two beers before I parted ways with the friendly Irish bartender).

Having grown up in Florida, I didn’t think much of this impending tropical storm. Hello? I survived Hurricane Andrew. An hour before Sandy made landfall, I was debating whether or not to go to the gym. I decided against it thinking that I’d just go for a half hour longer the next day… That was Monday. My feet haven’t touched a treadmill since. I had “hunkered down” with a glass of Pinot, a bag of Sour Patch Kids (a refined palate, I know) and Annie Hall. I’d ordered in some groceries the day before because I knew that New York would use any excuse it could to play hookie for a couple of days. Why not? When the power went out at around 8pm in the West Village, I was talking to my dad and I wasn’t particularly concerned because I had a never ending supply of candles and enough wine to get me through the evening. Plus, Smitty was there to keep me company. However, Dick Smith suggested I conserve my phone battery, and who am I to argue with my father?

In a group text message, my friends joked that I should hop in a cab to pick up another friend without power before joining them in civilization in Columbus Circle. I considered this idea until, of course, I saw a photograph of my lobby, three feet under water, taken by one of my neighbors. Thank heavens for Facebook. I think my friends thought I was joking when I told them as much and suggested I just put on one of my miniskirts and wellies to wade through the madness to a cab. Again, I weighed my options before peering out my window to see the Audi up to its windows in water. I would have snapped a picture had I been able to see a dang thing and sent it to my friends. When a friend from LA sent a text that he hoped I was wearing a stylish raincoat, I laughed at the irony of me wearing a T-shirt that read, “Los Angeles: the greatest country in the world.” I immediately sent him a candlelit photograph for a good laugh. That’s about when the laughter ended because I soon after lost cell phone service.

For the next 48 hours, I had no electric, no cell phone service, and was completely and utterly alone. I wandered outside at one point to make sure I was not the only one sitting in total silence and solitude. My neighborhood has never been more eerily quiet. Most often filled with spirited imbibers, tourists, and serious shoppers, there was no one to be seen or heard for blocks. I believe The Standard (God bless them) was still open, but only for their guests as I saw them turn away a couple of couples also wandering the streets from some solace. I realized there was nothing I could do except hold tight and try and keep my sanity. I read a lot by candlelight and enjoyed my fair share of the nectar of the gods (wine) with Smitty sticking close by. The best thing I could do was sleep and I did a lot that until finally I was awoken by a pounding on my door. I jumped out of bed and found the closest satin romper to make myself decent. Who the hell could possibly be at my door at 10am in this chaos? Please let it be a sexy firefighter! While it was not quite a sexy firefighter, it was my dear friend Catherine, equally as sexy. She’d come to rescue me from my solitude and in a move I never thought we’d make, we sought refuge in a coffee shop in Brooklyn. I couldn’t have been happier.

And while (thank God) my apartment doesn’t look like a life size dollhouse and my family’s home wasn’t washed away by the surging tides and I wasn’t evacuated from the hospital where I was receiving care, this little storm named Sandy certainly has opened my eyes to many things. In times of need, it always become abundantly clear who cares, who matters, and who will show up. A situation like this can have you feeling incredibly alone (like when I sat alone in my apartment and just sobbed before realizing that my neighbors probably thought I was completely insane). You realize that the guy you spend the 2% of your cell phone power and 45 second window of service on to wish, “Happy Birthday!” to receive not even a “Thank you” may not be worth your time. And the guy you’ve met once and resides in Abu Dhabi was kind enough to send a message of well wishes, may have been overlooked. The friends who check in each and every single day, and the ones who never bothered to call. Be thankful for what you’ve got and never, ever, ever underestimate the power of a storm.

Thanks for sticking with me. Means more than you know.

xx,

WhyDid

P.S. we’re taking bets as to when the power’s coming back on… so far, I’m winning.