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WhyDid Wisdom: Vacation vs Evacuation

By |November 4th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

Almost four months ago, I left the Big Apple for the City of Angels. I had really only planned on a weekend getaway (we can get into the specifics later), but once there, I never left.  While the weather is beautiful and the outlook is sunny, I didn’t stay in Los Angeles because I loved the city. Some would jump to that conclusion, but they’d be sorely mistaken.

As anyone who’s lived in Manhattan knows, that city can really wear you out. Just the day to day routine is terribly tiresome and not for the faint of heart. At times it feels as if you are in an abusive relationship. You sometimes hate the very same city you love so much. Cursing it one moment and cursing anyone out who dare speak a bad word about it the next. While the shopping, restaurants, beautiful and interesting people, and sheer energy are enough to make you want to stay, New York City is no joke. No one gets by in Gotham on just charm alone. After five years of pounding the pavement and surviving the city, I was running out of steam. So when the prospect of Los Angeles popped up, I was game.

I hadn’t been to LA since visiting my brother nearly eight years prior, but I remembered liking LA well enough. And who am I to argue with a free trip to sun, fun, and palm trees? So I hopped on that Virgin America Flight in July and waved fair well to my home.

I’m not going to spend time bashing LA (at least not today), but let’s just say that going from New York to Los Angeles is like Bambi trying to walk on ice.  It’s certainly an adjustment and at times can be awkward and hard to watch. I’m fairly certain the same is true for Angeleno transplants in NY. Bottom line: they are two very different beasts. Despite the fact that I lived for a couple of months with only the contents of a carry on, there were more growing pains than that alone.

Traffic, inflated egos, lack of a decent bagel, and laughable sense of community were not helping my homesickness. Had I not found a couple of good (read: the only) reasons to stick around (love and career), I would have been on the next flight back to JFK… and step on it! It became abundantly clear, that I was not meant to live in Los Angeles and no amount of shoreline was going to change that. But alas… I’d made my bed. Time to lay in it.

It’s kind of like when you have a fight or a rough patch with a friend or your mate. While you may feel like you need to pick up and run to the nearest exit, perhaps all you need is a little break. You’d better be pretty sure about your decision before you make it.

I still don’t feel like I live in Los Angeles and I haven’t given up my New York apartment just yet. I consider this an extended vacation/social experiment. I plan on enjoying all that I can about LA until it is check out time. Thankfully, there is light at the end of this tunnel and there are certainly far worse places to be.

Now that Manhattan and I are in a long distance relationship, I long for the little things I once took for granted. I guess it’s true what they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and the grass is not always greener (especially since there isn’t any in Manhattan). The moral of the story is I may have been a bit rash in my decision. What I needed was a vacation… not an evacuation.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Mind Your P’s and Q’s

By |October 14th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

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So, recently, I seem to have ticked off a few people. Apparently, I had missed a very important memo in regards to the announcement of an engagement. So, I’m going to get my Emily Post on and highlight some important etiquette rules that might easily be overlooked and land you into hot water with friends and family.

  • Announcing an engagement– Be sure to inform both sets of parents first. Then announce to close family members (brothers and sisters) and close friends. No one wants to find out via Facebook or secondhand. Send out an engagement announcement instead.
  • Disconnect– Sure we all have high tech gadgets now, but when having dinner or visiting with friends, put down the phone. Unless you are an emergency room doctor, it can wait.
  • Send “Thank You” notes– Sure saying “thank you” is nice, but putting in the extra effort to write a hand written note really goes a long way. Email does not count.
  • Email etiquette (aka netiquette)– Don’t forget that emails can often be misinterpreted so be sure to refrain from discussing delicate topics via email. Also, do not forget that emails are permanent and can easily be forwarded. Choose your words wisely.
  • Come bearing gifts– When invited to someone’s home, always bring a gift (even if it’s something silly or small). It shows that you appreciate the invitation.
  • Table manners– You would think this would be a given, but apparently it’s not. Don’t chew with your mouth open (breathe through your nose, folks). Don’t smack your food, slurp your food, or clang your utensils to your mouth.
  • Make an introduction– I can’t tell you how many times people have gotten themselves into trouble by not introducing friends or acquaintances to one another. It gives the impression that you either forgot one of their names or are hiding something.
  • Hats off– know when it is appropriate to have on a hat. Baseball game- yes. Dinner table- no.
  • When in doubt, ask– If you aren’t sure of something, it is always better to ask for clarification sooner than later. You aren’t sure of the dress code? Ask. You don’t know what to buy? Ask.

While I may be spending a little time in the dog house for now, hopefully I will keep you in good standings with family and friends.

xx,

WhyDid

That’s Bull

By |October 4th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

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In light of recent and incredibly disheartening events, I wanted to just take a moment and discuss how sick it makes me to hear about these young people being so upset that they took their own lives.

So, some people have wondered why I’m so upset about all this picking fun and bullying, when in essence, I have a website dedicated to pointing out goofy outfits. WhyDid is not meant to be a place to bully people or hurt people for no good reason. Highlighting a bad choice of clothing is much different than harassing someone for who they are. People can change their clothes, and change their hairstyles. It’s not funny or cool to ever make fun of people for their sexual orientation, race, or physical appearance.

When I was in highschool, I remember having to eat lunch in one of my teacher’s office because there was a group of girls that was so mean to me, I didn’t want to have to face them. Sometimes, I would just go sit outside and skip lunch altogether. While this was probably good for my waistline, it was bad for my soul. I hated getting up and going to school. I dreaded lunch. I dreaded seeing them in the halls. In the grand scheme of things, the extent of my “bullying” was probably a 2 on the scale of bullying, but at the time, I felt so alone and so depressed.

Some of my very favorite people on the planet are gay. It is beyond me that someone could ever hate or bully another person for their sexual preference . That would be like your friends bullying you for liking guys with brown hair. It’s so silly and so petty. People are people. Whether they like boys or girls or even both they deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If you are being bullied, stay strong. In most (by most, I mean all) cases, the person bullying you is just so incredibly insecure that they are taking out their own deep rooted demons on you. It probably seems so difficult right now and so hurtful, but I promise if you stay tough and keep your head up, you WILL look back on this and understand it.

If you are bullying someone, stop for a moment and ask yourself, “Why am I so angry? Why am I filled with so much hate?”  Facing yourself may prove to be a lot more difficult than taking your aggression out on someone else.

Spread hope not hate.

xx,

WhyDid

If you need help: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Sometimes You Gotta Be Your Own Girl

By |September 23rd, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

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So, a friend of mine Tweeted this photo the other day with the caption, “sometimes you gotta be your own girl.” I mean, despite the fact that my heart exploded with joy upon seeing this picture, his quote really resonated. It got me to thinking about a lot of things. Why is it so hard for people to just be themselves? And why do they do things to make others happy instead of making themselves happy? Why can’t you just be you?

I’d be a liar to tell you that I’ve always known exactly who I was and done exactly what I’ve wanted to do all the time. In most cases, I think that’s to be expected. As adolescents and young adults, we try all kinds of things out. We dye our hair, we get piercings, we hang with different groups of friends, we switch majors, we change our minds, we make mistakes. All of these things are a normal part of getting to know yourself. It’s a big world out there. Sometimes it takes a little work to find your place in it.

When I start to worry about people is when they, as adults, still have no connection to their identity. This comes in several different formats. Do you fall into one of these?

  • The “Yes” Man: News Flash: It’s okay to have your own opinion. Hell, it’s okay to disagree! There’s nothing more obnoxious than someone who changes her views based on the direction of the wind. Depending on who you’re talking to, your opinion vacillates.
  • The Chameleon: You’re a bird, you’re a plane… you’re a? One week you’re wearing white pancake makeup and black lipstick, the next week your hair’s in a bow. Which one is it? I’m all for having a range of style, but come on! Save the dress up for Halloween.
  • The Copy Cat: Sure they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but honestly, it’s pretty freaking annoying. When I was in highschool, I got in a fight with a girl for cutting her hair like mine (not physical- I do not condone violence obvi- just a few snide comments and a hair flip). I wasn’t born a twin, I don’t wanna go out as one either.
  • The Stepford Wife: Why is it that girls try to act like their boyfriends? Why do you all of a sudden LOVE football? You’re carrying around a camera now and I can’t tell the difference between him talking and you talking. Did he fall in love with you or the persona you’ve created? If he fell in love with you, then he is going to continue loving you… not the robot you’ve become.

What I’m trying to say is blaze your own path. People respect and admire someone who is original and comfortable in her own skin. You can only play a “role” for so long before people start to catch on. Being yourself is the most beautiful thing you can be… even if that means you can’t carry a tune and sleep with your mouth open.

And just in line with the Thursday theme… here’s a little song (guilty, guilty pleasure) from my ex girl crushes, Girlicious:

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Frenemies Forever

By |September 16th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

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There’s nothing like having some great girlfriends, but sometimes the line between “friend” and “enemy” becomes a bit blurry. I want to go ahead and blame Sex and the City for this (among other things). For some reason, girls were led to believe that they should be living these totally “fab” lives with their besties in the big city. In reality, it is incredibly rare that four women (especially four who are so different) would have the time, energy, or even interest in maintaining such intense friendships. So, you start to wonder… are these my real friends or just friends out of convenience and appearance? Here’s a few ways to tell:

  1. Gossip Folks: Ever have a friend who constantly talks about her other friends or your mutual friends? Sure, it’s fun to dish the dirt, but it’s true what they say. Someone who talks about other people will most certainly talk about you the minute your back is turned. The best thing to do in these situations is keep your mouth shut and try to change the subject. People like this, will most likely go back to said “friends” and tell them that YOU were talking about them. If you can’t cut this person out of your life completely, cut the conversations with her short.
  2. Always a Bridesmaid: Girls can be very dangerous to one another and it’s really unfortunate. Instead of being happy for each other, there always seems to be some sort of competition and jealousy. Even (by even, I mean especially) between girlfriends. Rather than being elated that Nancy met the man of her dreams, Sue would rather talk trash about him and point out all of his flaws. If Nancy were to EVER to express any concerns about Mr. Right, Sue would be the first person to encourage her to leave him. Perhaps you should hold onto Mr. Right and leave Sue in the dust. A true friend will always be happy for you.
  3. Oh the Tangled Webs We Weave: Remember how Joan wanted to totally stay out of your fight with Karen? Remember when Joan said she liked to keep Karen at an arm’s length? Remember when Karen talked about what a ditz Joan is? What about when Joan called Karen cheap? How about when Betsy was introduced into the equation? Joan hated Betsy and Betsy thought Karen was a creep… So how come Joan, Karen, and Betsy are toasting cocktails and your ears are burning?
  4. Rose Tinted Glasses: Do you have a friend who always seems super happy about everything? Even when you know her boyfriend is full blown cheating on her, she hates her boss, and her dog just died, she has somehow managed to twist the story into something very different? (Girl… you need to get into PR with all that spin!). It’s incredibly difficult being friends with someone who doesn’t even tell you the truth. How on earth are you supposed to give her good advice on a situation that is totally fictional? On a sidenote, you wouldn’t even know she was lying to you if it hadn’t been for Frenemy #1 dishing the dirt.
  5. Get “Used” to It: Sometimes you’ve got to wonder why your pal always wants to hang out with you at Soho House or why they only come around when things are fun and there’s a good party. She doesn’t want to be your friend! She wants to you use your connections and invitations for her own enjoyment. She will suck you dry and the minute she thinks you have nothing left to offer, she’ll be outta there. Trust me, girlfriend, you’re better off.

Friendship isn’t something to “do” so that you can lead the SATC lifestyle. A real friend doesn’t care if you aren’t “on the list” and you’re having a bad hair day. Cut out the fat and focus on real friendship rather than your frenemies. Here’s a little ditty from Ke$ha that sums it up.

xx,

WhyDid