Last week while grabbing a cocktail at The Standard with a girlfriend, we ran into a male pal of ours who was seated with two other gentlemen. Being as The Standard (aka Cougs and Dudes) was busy as usual, we gladly accepted their invitation to sit at their table. Don’t mind if we do! All seemed fine as we sat and chatted while sipping on our Kettle One and sodas… and then… it happened.
One of the gentlemen excused himself to the little boy’s room. No, he didn’t have skid marks. And no, he wasn’t shorter than expected (remember that episode of Sex and the City where Samantha dates a midge?). What the problem was- his jeans. Ugly, nasty, ill fitting, yellow stitched, obnoxious pockets True Religions. I mean, don’t you read WDYWT? Did you not get the memo? These jeans should come with a surgeon general’s warning. They’re not only bad for YOUR health, they’re bad for MINE.
When he returned from the loo, I questioned him as to why he thought it would be a good idea to wear such heinous pants. From the waist up, he was a good looking, well dressed man. He went as far as having a pocket square in his well tailored blazer. So, why on earth would he ruin all his good work by wearing clown pants? Poor guy, he didn’t know any better. I know this because he defended himself by informing me that he had a great pair of Cavalli jeans as well. Yikes. Luckily, he was a good sport as I listed oh so many reasons why he looked like a dbag. Here are some rules to live by:
Need some visuals?
I suck at math, but here’s one equation I know : girls in leggings as pants >= men in True Religion jeans.
Do us all a favor and create an Ebay account to rid your closet of any and all toxic jeans. I won’t be as forgiving next time.