Apologies for the tardiness of my Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet Recap… my dog, Smitty, was getting his teeth cleaned (see ya later, halitosis) and apparently that’s what the rest of us should have been doing rather than watching anyway. First of all, are we really still letting Chris Brown perform (let alone letting him out of his cage)? Remember when you built your Sunday evening around catching a music awards show? Popcorn and all? They were the “fun” award shows. Well, either I’m getting old or the music industry (and America) need to get it together, STAT. Since, very clearly, it can’t be the former, step it up singers and lady songbirds! Despite the snooze inducing show, the red carpet, as always, did not disappoint… and I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way…
Katy Perry (in Blumarine) is looking quite the Teese.
Julianne Hough saved time by just wearing her Kaufman Franco towel.
Wearing Oscar de la Renta, Carrie Underwood proves (yet again) there’s no place like home.
We all know Miley Cyrus isn’t scared of a little Risky Business in Jean Paul Gaultier.
Wait… was this a music award show or a movies award show? Hmph.
If you aren’t a part of the “I Hate Love” Club, it’s quite possible that you love a good love song. Cheesy, yes, but these saccharin sweet ditties will have you bouncing in your seat in no time.
Since this weekend is clearly all about LOVE, I went ahead and channeled my 6th grade self by making a love song “mixtape.” Come on, tell me you don’t remember making “tapes” for your crush. No? CD’s? Man I’m old…
Anyway, allow yourself to get into the mood with these sweet, sweet love songs.
Gotta go. My pager’s blowing up.
Let’s play a game. As you may (or may not) know, I love games. As a matter of fact, after dinner I have every intention of setting up a game of Scrabble on our patio table and lighting up the old fire pit. This week’s playlist? The first ten songs that come up on my shuffle. (You call it lazy… I call it a game). Ready? Go!
- Jay-Z - Empire State of Mind
- N.E.R.D. – Truth or Dare
- ACDC - Stiff Upper Lip
- Fabolous – Baby Don’t Go
- Norah Jones – Turn Me On
- Prince – 1999
- M.I.A. - 10 Dollar
- Usher - Bad Girl
- Awolnation – Sail
- Soft Cell – Tainted Love
I win! Nobody likes a sore loser.
Um, so first and foremost, I’m going to pose the question: When is the last time MTV actually even played a music video? Do people still make videos? Why? Seems like a whole lot of money to dump into something that has zero return rate, no? Kinda like a first wife.
Anyway, I’m not going to even bother with any type of fashion recap, cause quite honestly, it was all wretched and I don’t want to suffer through it for a second time. It’s bad enough that MTV will now continuously replay the VMA’s for a solid two an a half weeks. So, in case you missed it (and you miss it for the next 465 times they play it), here’s all you need to know:
- Eminem is the smartest man on the planet. Demand that you open the show. Collect your money. Get the eff out of there.
- No one felt like actually singing last night (minus Usher and Taylor Swift). Lip synching is the new black.
- Lady Gaga is still a freak.
- Chelsea Handler (god lover her) needed more vodka. I was almost as uncomfortable watching her as she was delivering her punchlines.
- Taylor Swift and Kanye apparently still aren’t over it.
- It seems hair streaks are coming back in “style.”
- Justin Bieber is going to be a huge dickhead in two years.
- Rihanna still looks like a muppet.
- Speaking of muppets, Lindsay Lohan stopped by.
- I need to watch more TV, cause I didn’t know who half the people on my screen were.
- MTV probably needs to start playing more music videos or stop having the VMA’s. One or the other.
- It would appear that Pharrell drives a Chevy.
- There’s only one way to tell the difference between Justin Bieber and Hilary Swank
- EVERYONE has a British accent.
- Jared Leto is channeling Ellen Degeneres.
- Taylor lost her shoes. Oops.
- Kanye does not grasp the concept of irony.
And there you have it folks. Nothing to see here. Keep the line moving.