The List XVII

I mean, I’m about to start listing people by first name… But alas, I will save you the embarrassment.

1. Turtlenecks in summer. I don’t care if it doesn’t have sleeves or is a dress.
2. Girls with shitty hair who insist on growing it out. Know your role.
3. While on the subject, not everyone is meant to be blonde. (This goes double for those of you not genetically predisposed).
4. “Sunday Funday.” This couldn’t be more overused. It’s Sunday… guess what that means… Tomorrow’s Monday and everyone knows that’s not very fun.
5. Shit talkers. How’s your breath? No, seriously. How is it?
6. Guys who think the waitress wants to F&*#. She just wants a tip… and not the tip of your …
7. Waitresses who whore themselves out to guys drinking beer. They are not big spenders and I need a refill. Thanks.
8. Co-workers who throw out your lunch. Looks like I need my own Fridge Locker.
9. People who re-Tweet celebrities, verified accounts, horoscopes, and quotes. We get it, they said EXACTLY what you were thinking. Chances are we’re all following them too, so we don’t need you to re-Tweet their shit. Thanks.
10. YOU.

xx,

WhyDid

What Are You Hiding?

Yesterday on the drive to work, we tuned into the Ryan Seacrest show. The topic for this particular morning was a woman who had been dating a man for over a year and had yet to ever see his home. Um? He told her that he was fixing it up and remodeling it but did not want her to see it until it was totally perfect. Um?

They tried to trick him by calling and telling him he’d won free flowers and they could send the flowers to anyone he’d like. He requested to have them sent to the girl who called in with her concerns. Hm… So what was going on?

I mean, Ryan almost lost his %^&$ on this guy and I was right there with him. It just doesn’t make any sense as to why his “girlfriend” would not be permitted to see his home. It’s been over a YEAR. The gentleman insisted that he is just a very “private” person. Why this young lady was tolerating the situation is so far beyond me. Not only would I have not been okay with this, my antennas would have gone up. Does she have no access to a computer? A little internet stalking sure would do her some good. A couple swipes through Google, Twitter, and Facebook and she would have cracked the case by now. If all else failed, why would she not have just followed him “home” one day?

After a bit, Ryan opened up the phone lines to take some calls from listeners. One guy called in and said that obviously the man is cheating. Another woman called to say she had been through something very similar and lo and behold, the man was married. Finally, another woman called in and said she was in the SAME situation and that it was totally okay. What? %*^$!!??

This got me to wondering WHY on earth women tolerate such things? How desperate must you be to accept such crappy excuses? What do you guys think?

My vote? He’s a sociopath who lives in a meth lab with his mother and wife (which is obviously totally normal).

xx,

WhyDid

A Bag Full of Shit

As we made our way up Runyon for the second time the other evening, we spied a plastic bag full of doggy doo. Hm… I understand that you are to clean up after your pooch, but wouldn’t you say that leaving it IN a plastic bag is worse than just leaving the doo right where it is? I should say so. While stinky and potentially hazardous to the bottom of your shoe, at least the naked doggy doo will eventually decompose as it would in nature and disappear as opposed to wrapping up the stinky doo in a pretty plastic bag and leaving it to sit and rot and never biodegrade.

This led me to thinking about people and their relationships. Why, oh why, can’t some people just seem to let things die? Why must they insist on wrapping up their doo doo in plastic bags and leaving it to fester?

Sometimes, people have a difficult time letting things go, and this is understandable, but, for those of you who just can not seem to get the point, I’d like to send you a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. Painful as it may be, at times, it is best to just walk away with your head held high and dignity still in tact. So many times, we try and argue with the outcome and in reality, it’s never going to change anything.

Many bloggers and media personalities like to exploit their relationships publicly. I’m not exactly sure whether it’s in attempt to lure their lost lover back or just to draw more sympathy. Either way, it merely ends up making said individuals look sad and desperate. (Neither of which is particularly appealing to the opposite sex). If they were smart, they’d lay low on the love front. For example, I’ve clearly got quite the arena for blowing up all of my ex’s spots if I so choose to. However, I find this to be a little tacky and I prefer a bit of mystique around my personal life (if I even have one). I mean, to each his own. We’ve all go to pay the bills, and if that’s how you’ve got to drive traffic or to score a date, then so be it.

That being said, even people in every day life do the same thing. They broadcast inane details via Facebook and Twitter in an attempt to sound like they are “having such a blast!!” and are “soooo over you!!” when in reality, a little bit of silence would do you some good. Bloggers are making a living from it, but what are you gaining?

Why not just let the poo disintegrate? Why wrap it up in a plastic bag if you’re going to leave it behind? Maybe it’s best to let a sleeping dog lie. Tiptoe out the backdoor and let him drool.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Unplugged

Once while home visiting my mom in West Virginia, she nearly threw my Blackberry at my head a la Naomi Campbell because I just would not/could not put it down. She was frustrated that I was constantly tapping away on it and not listening to her (little does she know that I am capable of two things at once!). I do, however understand her concern. I was being a bit obnoxious about it.

So when my phone conveniently fell into the toilet the last time I was home, my mom was secretly elated. (I wouldn’t be surprised if she paid off that toilet to trip me so I’d drop my phone). After that whole “rice” suggestion not really panning out, I was sitting around without a phone until my replacement was shipped. As mentioned, her computer is from 1999 and her home is not equipped with Wifi. Sigh. What’s a girl to do? How on earth was I going to keep up with Twitter updates and update my Facebook status?

We are an incredibly overstimulated society. There are far too many distractions for us. Family dinners are nearly non existent and the ones that are usually are drowned out by the garble on TV. Kids are being diagnosed left and right with ADD when they really are probably just overstimulated with all the Hannah Montana and Dora the Explorer going on. No one remembers how to pick up the phone anymore let alone pen a handwritten letter. We don’t even use full words anymore. “C U L8R!”

It’s so very easy to get caught up in our little social bubbles that we forget to just be totally quiet. When’s the last time you really had a moment to yourself? Complete peace and quiet?

I suggest taking an entire afternoon or even a weekend if you can muster up the courage to completely unplug and disconnect with the outside world so that you can re-connect with yourself. I’m willing to bet that the world will carry on as normal with or without your BBM’s.

xx,

WhyDid

Five Things To Do Online Rather Than Stalk Your Ex

We all know that the internet is ruining our dating lives but are you spending your valuable time worrying about others’ web presence? I’ve spent my fair share of time internet stalking via Facebook and Twitter and good old fashion Google… but there’s only so many searches you can do online before you’ve become bored and run out of background checks to run. Below are some more useful ways to waste your time online.

1. Look up something you didn’t know. Knowledge is power, my friends. I Google just about everything. I hate not knowing the answer to things and who doesn’t like to always win an argument? Nobody. Don’t try and argue with me.
2. Read the news. Novel idea, I know, but some people are only up to date as to whether Jennifer Anniston is actually pregnant or not. Why not become worldly and have something more interesting than Jessica Alba’s new bob to talk about at dinner?
3. Find out about your ancestry. I mean, this seems like a no brainer to me. Who doesn’t wanna find out that they’re actually related to the royal family of Paraguay?
4. Shop. Another no brainer. I’m starting to think I may need to put “online shopping” as a “skill” on my resume. I really have a knack for it, but this is a skill that should be honed and can only be done so with hours of practice. Don’t have you size in store? Not a problem, pal. Just find it online.
5. Manage your finances. I guess this is a pretty funny thing to mention after encouraging you to shop online, but having a handle on what you are spending is very important. You never want to be worried that your card will be declined when trying to purchase those new Louboutins, so getting your bills and banking set up online is key to keeping yourself in check.

So put down the mouse and stop worrying about what Tommy did last weekend. (Yes, we know you’re totes hotter than his new gf, but who cares?).

xx,

WhyDid

Watch WhyDid LIVE!

So, despite the fact that I’m basically “techtarded” I’ve decided to go ahead and go live tomorrow on USTREAM to discuss the week’s happenings as well as field questions from all of my WhyDid readers. So please send in all of your questions about panty lines, cheating boyfriends, or my favorite type of pasta sauce via Twitter, Facebook, or comment below and tune in to watch LIVE tomorrow at 1pm Pacific time (CA) and 4pm Eastern time (NY). You will be able to send in questions and topics of discussion live as well. Can’t wait to see you then!

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume VI

Thank goodness we have a long weekend… cause it sure has been a long week.

1. The poles with buttons you are supposed to push to cross the street. They’re bullshit. Nothing ever happens. They’re just there to make you think they care.
2. People who bump/bodyslam into you on the street and don’t apologize. We aren’t doing tackle drills. Relax.
3. Men in bandanas. The only men who can pull off  bandanas are Smitty and Bret Michaels:
4. Smacking trees and other inanimate objects when running. Is this a Foursquare check in I didn’t know about?
5. Office birthday cake. I don’t even wanna celebrate with you, so don’t judge me when I don’t indulge in your shitty cake. If I’m gonna splurge, it’s going to be on Strip House’s Famous Chocolate Cake.
6. Katy Perry’s new song, California Gurls. A) you spelled it wrong. B) it sucks. C) No, it’s not cause I’m biased.
7. Shrapnel that flies off the streets of NY rendering me blind and incidentally causing me to be one of the jerks who doesn’t know how to walk properly on the sidewalk.
8. Parents who make their kids wear Crocs. Just cause you ruined your life doesn’t mean you should ruin theirs.
9. Twitter. I think I’m over you. Apparently, no one cares what I have to say (seeing as I have the same # of followers as I did in 2008) and it really hurts my feelings when someone “unfollows” me. Did I say something to offend you?
10. Jesse James. Shut. Up.

Enjoy the holiday, kiddos. Don’t forget your sunscreen and headphones to block out the incessant babble of those around you.

xx,

WhyDid

Text in the City

Things have changed since Granny was going out on dates.  While we think some of her dating advice is brilliant (a good man’s worth waiting for, why buy the cow when the milk’s free?, if you run, he’ll follow. if you follow, he’ll run), Nana doesn’t have a clue as to what we are up against in the age of the internet. Between social networking and cell phones…. we’ve got our work cut out for us.

I’m the first to admit that one of the first things I do when I meet someone new… is Google. Granted, I Google everything because I don’t like to not know the answer, but Googling love interests can be treacherous (curiosity did kill the cat, my friends). Once you’ve clicked “search” you’re bombarded with Linked In, Facebook, Friendster (WHO still uses that), Myspace (WHO still uses that), Twitter, photos, or perhaps, nothing. I can’t decide how I feel about finding “nothing” but in my experience, the more “Googleable” (made that up) a person is, the more heartache that can potentially ensue.

We all know Twitter was responsible for putting the final nail in the coffin of my last relationship and from time to time Twitter eff’s with my current situations. It really is a blessing and a curse. I mean, when you broadcast your whereabouts on the internet… Not to mention that people can now “@” you without permission… Someone’s bound to catch you in a lie. You call it stalking, I call it resourcefulness. Tomato, tomato.

I know people who have literally canceled dates after checking out their prospective suitor’s Facebook page.  One too many photos at Bagatelle brunch with a magnum of rose turned me off from a gentleman who requested the pleasure of my company. No, thank you! You are now able to get a peak into people’s lives before you’ve even shared an appetizer.  I know what your mom looks like, where you last went on vacation, and don’t worry, I’ve scouted out your ex before we’ve even checked our coats. So really, what is there left to talk about? Wanna make out?

Shit storms have started between couples who are both on Facebook. “Who the hell did is Samantha Brown?” “WTF is Tommy doing writing on your wall?” I no longer want to be Facebook friends with boys I’m dating. Why don’t you go ahead and not worry about what I’m doing and I’ll do the same. It’s unnecessary drama added with really no upside.

Texting has become a skill to be honed at this point. Are you reading the subtext of the text? I’ve received texts that I needed Cliffs Notes to decipher. When I re-read them later (because we all like to go back and overanalyze) I realized that I was having a completely different conversation than my counterpart. I thought we were talking about dancing. He thought we were talking pants off dance off. Woops. Obviously, I need to pick up a copy of Flirtexting STAT. This also leads to all the questions of when to text back, should you text back, NEVER double text. It’s virtually impossible to have a real conversation via text message. I can’t tell you the number of times things have been totally misconstrued over text. Obviously, my sense of humor is not conveyed well digitally.

Um, and shall I even proceed into BBM territory? Good word, those damn D’s and R’s are out to ruin my life. I actually try NOT to give out my PIN to guys I just start seeing because I really just can’t deal with the politics that are Blackberry Messenger. Yes, I “read” your message. No, I have no response. I can’t deal with the blinking red light forcing me to check all BBM’s (OCD much?) and therefore, forcing me to respond. Perhaps this is a strong argument for making the iPhone switch.

Wanna delve into FourSquare? Now you can alert the world as to where you are at every waking moment of your life. My apartment building is a check in point. That in and of itself is creepy. I’m not sure I need everyone to know where I am at all times… Why not implant yourself with a GPS? Might as well. Now you can “just happen” to show up where your crush is. What a coincidence!

While sitting at the pool at Soho House (berating the man next to me for having an iPad), he informed me of a new iPhone app that will allow all single people to identify all the other single people in the room. Looks like I better invest in a fake wedding ring ASAP.

I think I’d like to revert back to hand written notes (send me an E-card, I dare you) and telephone calls. Maybe there truly is such a thing as TMI.

P.S. since we are stuck with technology, you should probably follow WhyDid on Twitter, and join our Facebook page. If you can’t beat ‘em…

xx,

WhyDid

Spoiler Alert

You may or may not have noticed there’s been some changes here and there at WhyDid. We’ve been testing things out, seeing what fits. Kind of like in the dressing room of Intermix. Some things look amaze, while others were like a silk charmeuse dress during period week. Basically, we’re giving WhyDid a serious makeover and who the hell doesn’t love a good makeover? Nobody.

After some feedback from our much loved readers and friends, we’ve obv taken your thoughts and needs into consideration and are planning on making WhyDid way more fun and easy to navigate (we’d make totally awesome gf’s, right?).

Hold onto your pantaloons though, we’ve just begun with our revamping and like all good things, this does take some time. So keep on reading daily and get ready for the big relaunch. Consider this like foreplay.

In the meantime, be sure to follow us on Twitter:

WhyDid

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

and absolutely become a fan on Facebook, duh!

We’re really excited…. like, really, really. Hope you are too!

xx,

WhyDid

Do You Speak Kiki?

It has become abundantly clear that I am no longer speaking English. Half the time I probably make zero sense to the general population. I have gone ahead and taken the liberty of abbreviating most words and just making up my own. Phone calls with my parents have become difficult because I have to translate 50% of what I’m saying. Yesterday, one of my bff’s had to ask me to translate… twice. Therefore, it’s only fair that I school you in the language I am fluent in, Kiki.

Some basics:

Dub tee eff (WTF) – what the f*#&?

GFY- go f#&^ yourself

Obv- obviously

Brill- brilliant

Bee tee dubs (BTW)- by the way

GBF- gay boyfriend

Cuppy- cupcake

ITIS syndrome- I Think I’m Special syndrome

Heart- used as “love.” Aka, I heart you.

Fuckioke- this actually came from a type-o in a text message. Pronounce it like “karaoke.”

Totes- totally

Shoutout!- My gbf (see above) and I have started using this as just something obnoxious to say when you have nothing worthwhile to say. Like “ping!”

Hilar- hilarious

Ridic- ridiculous

Prob(s)- Probably

There’s plenty more where that came from, but I actually don’t even realize when I’m doing it. A lot of speaking Kiki has to do with adding a “y” to the end of just cutting the word in half. I’m not sure how this all began, but I can’t imagine it’s going anywhere anytime soon. I never made up a secret language as a child, so I’m clearly making up for lost time now. Hopefully this will assist you in absorbing the wealth of knowledge shared on WhyDid.com. (Certainly comes in handy on Twitter!). If you never need a free translation, don’t hesitate to shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to explain, obv.

xx,

WhyDid