All Aboard The Ugly Express. Choo! Choo!

Dear Juicy Track Suit Wearer,

2001 called, they’d like their velour leisure suit back.

xx,

All of us

Seriously, if I see one more chick in the airport… or just in general… wearing a “track suit” as appropriate casual wear, I’m gonna flip. Like Carrie Underwood I just found out my man’s cheating kind of flip. I understand that we all want to be comfy when traveling (especially since not all of us are flying first class and sometimes get stuck in a middle seat sandwiched between two big’uns). Being comfortable does NOT mean that you need to look like you crawled out of a Pound Puppy factory.  Your warm and fuzzy jumpsuit isn’t giving anyone besides you the “warm and fuzzies.” And besides, do you really want the word “Juicy” written across your ass? Nothing about that sounds flattering.

Exhibits A, B, C, and D:

Catching my drift? Remember when Paris Hilton used to live in these things? Do you want to have anything in common with P. Hil (besides her checking account)? Didn’t think so. So, to avoid any second hand embarrassment on my part, let’s get you into something comfortable AND stylish.

Now is one of those times where leggings (not worn as pants) might come in handy.  Layer some leggings with a long tunic and/or yummy cashmere sweater (it gets chilly on those planes). Put on some flat boots (They don’t have to be flat, mind you, I’m just going for comfort. Bravo to you if you want to wear heels) and you’re good to go. Here’s a visual:

(sans lace gloves, obvi. Chanel bag optional).

A few more options if this is still not clear for you:

She’s even making “jeggings” look cool.

The trick is layering. It gives you versatility and you can take on or off depending on temperature and comfort. This is an extreme example, but you get the point (I hope).

I’m about to make this REALLY easy for you…

So Low Long Leggings, $51, Nightcap Clothing Cashmere Poncho Scarf Sweater, $532, Wilt Hi Lo Tank, $86, Ash Pearl Over the Knee Boots, $323.40, Alexander Wang Daphne duffel bag, $623, Carrera Champion Sunglasses, $120

All available at shopbop.com

Bon voyage!

xx,

WhyDid

Victory Tastes SO Sweet!

In case you are just tuning in (hey, better late than never), I have been preaching for about as long as leggings have come back in style that they are not, in fact, pants. They are basically thick tights sans feet.  Pants include pockets, zippers, and a yoke. So, nothing made me happier than finding out that American Apparel (a company whose bread and butter is leggings) recently started printing this on the inside of their slinky leggings:

courtesy of The Lady Likes

So, I guess this topic is no longer up for discussion. Leggings are NOT pants.

Okay, thanks.

xx,

WhyDid

My Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

So, here’s something that I think needs to be discussed. The proper usage of sunglasses.  Last time I checked, they were for protecting your eyes from overexposure of UV rays (and to prevent crow’s feet).  However, it has become abundantly clear that not all of you got that memo.  I want to go ahead and point the finger at you, Hollywood.  You, somehow, gave people (a-hem, celebrities) the impression that sunglasses were like a mimosa.  Okay at any time. Well, have I got news for you. Sunglasses, are, in fact, not okay at any time.  For instance, at night. There is no sun.  So, unless you go ahead and invent something called “moonglasses” with some type of scientific research backing them up, please remove your shades.

This trend also spawned the usage of shades in nightclubs.  Remember those clear-ish shades that “juice heads” started wearing at “da club?”  Gross. I assume this was to either, A) attempt to disguise your quarter sized pupils from all the drugs you were on, B) attempt to disguise your inherent dbaggery. Failure on both. It only drew more attention to you as we pointed and laughed.

Celebs, this goes for you as well. Who do you think you’re fooling with those shades on? I might NOT have noticed you strolling by… until you slapped those ginormous sunnies on. Now I’m wondering who the creep in the sunglasses is.

I was like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Well, MC, I’ll tell you why. (Disregarding your pink leather jacket) you’re out at night wearing sunglasses. Let’s go over this again, there’s NO SUN. Cut it out. You think we wouldn’t recognize you without them? Doubtful considering your affinity for pink leather attire.

Oh… RiRi, you look confused. could it be because you are wearing sunglasses in the pitch dark and can’t see four feet in front of you? Thought so.

I mean, I don’t know why I’m even throwing this guy in there. He’s king of all D’s. Of course he’s got his shades on.

Oh Kimmy, I can’t even focus on the fact that you’re wearing sunglasses at night because I’m entranced by the fact that you’re wearing LEGGINGS AS PANTS. YOU of all people should NOT being wearing leggings as pants. I understand that most shirts probably don’t even fit over your rear, but let’s give a try, no?

Um, hey guys? It’s RAINING. Know how I know? You’re holding an UMBRELLA. One of these things does not go with the others. (Btw- is that a fannypack?)

Alright, do I need to make a brief list of sunglass uses? Fine. I’ll go slow. Pay attention, please.

• Wear sunglasses when it’s sunny.  Novel idea.
• Do not wear sunglasses at night.
• Do not wear sunglasses when it’s raining.
• Just say, “no” to drugs. Even your sunglasses can’t help you here.
• The bigger and more obnoxious your sunglasses are, the more attention they will draw to you.
• Just because you can’t see us, doesn’t mean we can’t see you.
• Clear sunglasses are an oxymoron.
• There are no such thing as “moonglasses.” I was making a point.

xx,

WhyDid

A Sign of the Times

Oh, I’m sorry, does someone have a voodoo doll with my name on it?  I mean, I’m just wondering since I recently discovered the world’s worst invention- EVER.  Obviously, someone just wants to make me suffer from severe fits of anxiety.  Basically, if leggings as pants and True Religions got together and had a baby it would be this:

Oh, you think I’m kidding? I wish:

Are you f’ing kidding me??  It’s the spawn of satan.  Are you SO lazy that you actually need your jeans and your pajamas to be one in the same?  Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t even bother to shower after rolling out of bed this morning? I mean, what’s the point? You’re obviously already dressed! To me, this is a sign of how lazy and impatient our society has become.  What happened to taking pride in our appearance? This is just encouraging people to continue stuffing their faces (these puppies stretch, after all) and not care how the rest of the world perceives them. Remember this lady?

No? How about her?

They are rolling over somewhere in their graves. No proper lady would ever wear synthetic fake jeans to sleep in and then wear them out in public.  So why would you? Just saying…

xx,

WhyDid

Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Leggings, leggings as pants, Pajama Jeans, True Religion, voodoo doll

It’s MY Party and…

Yes, it is my birthday (hope you got your shopping done early, folks).  I’ve even changed out of my typical grey/black uniform and am sporting a little hot pink number for this very occassion.  My fingers will soon be tired from opening all of my gifts, but my gift to you are some fun facts about WhyDid.

So while we nibble on cupcakes and dance on tables at Red Velvet enjoy these tasty tidbits about the lady behind the blog.

1. I can’t whistle. I’ve never mastered the skill and have made it thus far without it.
2. My favorite animal is a giraffe. Long legs, long necks, killer lashes, and they don’t bother anyone.
3. I’m slightly narcoleptic. I’ve fallen asleep in Vegas… twice. I can basically sleep anywhere.
4. I have a tattoo, but I won’t tell you where. (Sorry, Dad!!). It may or may not be the world’s smallest, btw.
5. I think it’s easier to kiss boys I don’t like than the ones I do.
6. I’ve been trying to learn French for the last year and a half (even though I took it in highschool and college) and plan on treating myself to a trip to Paris when I finally do.
7. My first “adult purchase” was a pair of black Christian Louboutin pumps.  I live around the corner and aspire to own a pair in every color.
8. I have a reverse birthmark on my neck. (Meaning it lacks pigment altogether and never ever gets tan).
9. I think my dog is really just a hairy little person and I tell him as much. I just wish he could talk back.
10. I got an “A” in Economics in college and nearly failed sewing.
11. I have a school girl crush on Joel McHale.
12. I’m totally superstitious. You won’t catch me walking under ladders or stepping on any cracks.
13. I love pineapple. I have eaten so much in one sitting that I couldn’t feel my tongue.
14. If I find something I like, I buy it in every color.
15. I love costumes and props and think that theme parties are highly underrated.
16. I buy myself flowers. Why bother waiting for someone else? (Though I appreciate when they do).
17. My nails are chipped 98% of the time. Thank goodness for TJ Kelly.
18. I can’t stand when people take themselves too seriously. No one is that cool, I promise. (Also a sure sign of insecurity).
19. Most of my favorite articles of clothing are from my mom’s archives.
20. My parents thought I was going to be an architect because I used to draw floor plans as a child.
21. I’m tone deaf and wish nothing more than to be able to carry a tune.
22. I hate violence. It scares the living daylights out of me. So don’t bother inviting me to a boxing match, hockey game, or violent movie. I won’t go.
23. I’m a complete and utter hopeless romantic and believe in fairytale endings.
24. I say my prayers at night and take my vitamins in the morning.
25. I have an amazing family and some of the best (not to mention beautiful) friends in the world and not one day goes by that I take them for granted. I’m a lucky girl.
26. I share my birthday with one of my best friends and at times believe we may have been separated at birth. (Happy Birthday, PinkyToe!)
27. There are very few things that annoy me more than leggings worn as pants.

Happy Birthday to me!

xx,

WhyDid

Easy as 1, 2, 3

So, as I sipped on a soy chai latte the other day with a friend, we discussed how so many girls just don’t bother pulling it together when venturing into public. I mean, I get it, you are just running to do Duane Reade, no need for a full face of makeup and a blow out. But really? Take that scrunchie out of your hair and change out of your sweats (btw- leggings are STILL NOT pants- even when running to DR).

There are basically three things you need to make yourself look presentable: eyes, cheeks, lips.

Eyes

The wonders that mascara can do for your are immeasurable. Just a couple swipes of the wand and now your eyes are wide awake and your lashes are full (all the better to bat them with, my dear).  Take note on how much faster your prescription will get filled.

Max Factor, 2000 Calorie Mascara, $6.29

I’ve tried them all and I always come back to Max Factor. Tried and true.

Cheeks

Whether you opt to dust your face with bronzer or dab a little pink on your cheeks, you will immediately go from looking dead to looking divine.

Nars, The Multiple, $37

Add some shine with this handy little stick. Can even be used on your eyelids for some color.

Benefit, Benetint, $28

Get rosy cheeks in an instant with this cheek stain which also can double as a lip stain.

Lips

Top off the look with a little shimmer on your lips. Pretty basic and people will clearly want to pucker up with you when they see your pretty pout.

Sephora Brand, Brilliant Shine Lip Gloss, $10

Cheap and comes in a million different shades that will flatter any skin type. Summer Crush is a fave of mine.

There are enough crazy looking people running around New York. You don’t need to be one of them. Besides, you never know who you may meet while picking up some TP at DR. Just sayin…

xx,

WhyDid

What Comes Around Goes Around

So, after seeing my highschool boyfriend (with his two children) in the mall last night with my mom and grandma, I got to thinking.  I haven’t had the best go with the menfolk in the last couple of years (and it’s not just because I dump boys who wear True Religions). I’m thinking it might actually be my own fault.  I believe in a little something called “karma.” Heard of it?

I will be the first to admit that I was pretty AWFUL to my HS bf.  My bff, Jen, is probably laughing hysterically somewhere recalling some of my “stunts.”  I didn’t cheat on him or anything (as everyone is fully aware I am the “anti-cheater”), but I was just not nice. The sad part is, he was probably the kindest boy on planet earth. I just really didn’t appreciate it and actually resented him for loving me so much. He taught me a good lesson though- that whole, “the tighter you hold on, the faster it slips through your fingers” thing.  The more he cared, the more I ran.

Anyway, after experiencing a few more “adult” relationships, I realized, I would probably trade in the glitz and excitement for something a little more simple- unconditional love. Ha… guess the joke’s on me, huh, Karma?

Perhaps we all need to be a little more careful in the way we treat each other, cause I’m starting to think that it may eventually catch up with us. I know I’m a raving bitch when it comes to leggings worn as pants and VPL, but on your average Monday, I’m a pretty nice girl.  So what on earth did I do to deserve some of the heinous treatment I’ve experienced? I think we could ask my HS bf. Ever notice how you grow a giant goiter after making fun of someone else’s zit? Or how your thighs seem a little jigglier after scowling at the fat girl with a Big Mac? It’s Karma. And she’s a bitch.  So don’t be a homewrecker, or a cheater, or just plain old mean, cause eventually Karma is going to return the favor.

However, after my last “incident” with my ex, I would assume I’ve done my penance. The jig is up, Karma. I’ve paid my dues. Got the memo. Take your wrath out on someone else and feel free to send Prince Charming my way.

xx,

WhyDid

There’s a Party in my…

Yes, it is that time of year again. So many parties, so little to wear.  Well, like my gay counterpart, I love any good reason to dress up. This includes holiday parties and the cherry on top, New Year’s Eve.  Many of us tend to take the easy route and slap on the same old boring black cocktail dress. Really? I know you switched up the accessories, but if I see that DVF on you one more time, I’m going to projectile vomit (in your direction). Below are some fun ways to spice up the typical cocktail attire.

• Don’t wear a dress- Why shouldn’t you wear sequin leggings with a pretty top? (*and because I have to- LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS). Substitute dressy fabrics (satin, sequins, velvet, brocade) in the form of shorts, pants, or skirts.

Romeo and Juliet Couture Sequin Legging, $65

Julianne Maria Satin Tap Shorts, AU$149

• Wear the pants- Why should guys be the only ones in a tux? Make your own female friendly version or opt for a cute romper like this.

Karina Grimaldi Tuxedo Romper, $218

• Into the night- I’d be lying if I told you I’ve never worn a nightgown out as a dress. I’ve actually done it several times (including NYE ‘08). Just make sure it’s not too revealing and actually looks like a dress. (Excessive use of nipples at holiday parties is typically frowned upon- unless you’re crashing a party at the Playboy Mansion).

Julianne Samantha Satin Chemise, AU$129

• Jump on it- Instead of a dress, try an ultra chic (ultra comfy) jumpsuit. It may make trips to the ladies room more complicated, but you’ll look cute (and that’s what matters).

Madison Marcus Glossy Jumpsuit, $435

• Color yourself bad- Stop being a wallflower and dare to wear something other than black. Pick a festive holiday jewel tone in chiffon or stretch charmeuse.

Ella Moss Nora Chiffon Dress, $198

David Meister Fitted Satin Dress, $315

Party on, dudes.

xx,

WhyDid

Lady WhyDid

Okay… this is going to basically go against all that is “WhyDid”, but I can’t help it. I am gaga over Lady Gaga.  She is so beyond ridiculous that I can’t help but adore her.  She takes wearing leggings as pants one step further and wears tights as pants (that is if she wears pants at all).  You have probably jammed out to her songs like “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” out at the clubs.  Her entire album (mostly) is amazing, but that’s not why I love her.

She is a total trainwreck, but makes absolutely no excuses for it.  As a matter of fact, I bet she doesn’t even realize how absurd she is. You’re probably wondering how on earth I could possibly let her fashion felonies slide under the radar.  Well, here’s why- she isn’t trying.  She really thinks it is absolutely fine to wear a leotard out in public just like you wear your skinny jeans.  I love a woman with a strong sense of style, whether it be my taste or not.  Granted, she is a performer so she gets a little more slack, but I would still give her props if I saw her strutting down the street in Manhattan.  It takes some serious self confidence to own a pair of lace tights, a leotard and sunglasses and that’s exactly what she does- OWNS IT.  You can always tell when someone is wearing something that is totally contrived. She is trying to look “ironic” in their old concert T, neon pants, and “dirty” hair, but it’s blatantly clear it took her two hours to get ready. Find your own style, be true to you, and own it. 

10 Things I Dislike ALMOST as Much as Leggings Worn as pants

I think it’s pretty clear how I feel about leggings worn as pants, but there are more things in the world that disturb me nearly as much.  Here’s the top ten:

1. True Religion jeans. No need to explain again.
2. Rude men.  I don’t like rude people in general, but a rude man is the worst.  What happened to being a gentleman?
3. Blowing your nose in public.  There is a girl who sits near my desk at work and she has been blowing her nose continuously for the past two weeks. It’s taken everything in me not to just spazz out, especially when she ate tuna fish for lunch the other day.
4. Know it alls.  You don’t know everything. Shut up.
5. Dried apples. Had a bad experience as a five year old. Have never quite recovered.
6. Logo handbags/clothing/etc.  It’s so passe, especially during a recession.  We get it, you have a Fendi bag.I won’t lie, I own a Louis Vuitton bag, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I carried it.  I try not to be a walking advertisement. I prefer the understated.  *Note: this rule goes out the window if your logo bag happens to be awesome and vintage.  That’s the only time it’s cool.
7. Liars.  Maybe it is because I have the guiltiest conscience in the world and probably couldn’t tell a lie to save my life, but I really have a hard time understanding why people lie.  The truth hurts, but it also sets you free.
8. Fake tans, fake nails, fake hair.  Gross, gross, grossest.  By fake tan, I do mean tanning beds.  I also mean poorly done self tanners.  Cancer and wrinkles aren’t sexy and neither is looking like a tangerine.  I don’t even know where to begin with fake nails and as far as fake hair, do you want to look like you have the same hairdresser as a Barbie doll?
9. Catty, bitchy, jealous girls and cougars.  I have no time for petty girls/women who lack self confidence.  Please do not take out your insecurities on women who clearly have it going on.  Not our fault you don’t feel good about yourself.  Get a hobby.  That’s a good place to start.
10. Pilling sweaters.  I hate those little nerd balls.  They never go away, do they?

So there you have it.  Things that ruffle my feathers almost as much as wearing leggings as pants (I’m sure I’ll think of more).  I realize I have just made myself incredibly vulnerable to people coming up to me and blowing their noses while wearing True Religions, but feels good to vent.  Send in some of your very least favorite things. 

xx,

WhyDid