This is travel season, and while I probably should have asked our guest blogger to write this sooner… better late than never. This week we are being blessed with the wise words and comedic social commentary of Stephie Rojas the National Director of Digital Publishing for wheretraveler.com and all around fashionista. To say she knows a thing or two about traveling in style would be an understatement. Please read on to avoid being “that girl” at the airport.
I’ve seen and not cared about various sundry accidentally left behind in the bins at the end of the airport security line – a Saudi Arabian passport, Kardashian-style bedazzled earbuds, colorful guidebooks to fascinating places. But when I saw a bracelet abandoned in the bin, I did a big ole airport line no-no: I stopped.
It was nothing special; it was a scratched sterling silver cuff in a patently uncool shape. It had some Native American etching and I wondered whether it was someone’s souvenir from a meaningful trip to a real Reservation, a thrift store find, or a fugly gift (pretend smile, “thanks Nana”, etc.). I considered tapping the TSA grouch on the shoulder, puzzled by what kind of woman owned this heavy metal, let alone brought it to the airport. Did she actually want the forgotten beast on her trip enough to intend putting it through the scanner rigmarole or did she put it on today in a cloud of brain fart?
It’s the only time I’ve ever taken pause in the horrible line; I usually try to get the heck out of dodge as fast as humanly possible. This time, however, if I hadn’t had a no-nonsense husband in tow urging me along, I might have held it for a few minutes to wait for her to jet on back. I thought, this must be special to her – and these TSA jerks are kleptos.
It got me thinking about what sort of turkey wears silver through the scanner? And what smarter choices are for airport attire.
What not to wear to the airport:
- Any low-rise pant: You will be bending over to get your shoes back on, fetch your luggage off the conveyor belt, or grab your carry-on from the seat in front of you. (Said no-nonsense husband is fond of saying “ping” and pretending to put a quarter in my crack when he sees such rare cleavage).
- Difficult shoes. Don’t be the dork unlacing your hightops, or, like my mom, the lady asking the guy behind her to help remove the darn cowboy boot she’s breaking in. (Apparently, when it came off, the guy predictably and hilariously flew back onto his butt and was then obliged to help her with the other).
- Your four- or five-inchers. You might have to break a sweat and actually run to your gate. If you really love your daily height (I can’t blame a girl), three inches are plenty of fabulousness for the airport. See: any 3-inch heeled Louboutin.
- Any bottom than needs a belt. Don’t make the security officer unnecessarily witness to your very cute, but very private navel.
- A buttoned suit jacket with a spicy little cami peeking out. The TSA grump will ask you to take your jacket off. This happened to me once on a work trip, and all I had underneath my Theory blazer was a lacy little Leigh Bantivoglio slip that shed too much airport fluorescence upon my brassiere.
- Metal accessories. Put that junk on when you get there.
- Sweats of any kind on Earth. Grody.
- A Gulpie. You knew you had to toss it right?
- Something breezy and elegant with no metal hardware. For you schlubs out there, remember the airport is a public effing place. Think good jeans with an easy, wrappy cashmere cardigan, or a tee by The Row with a good scarf. Look for good basics from Vince or Autumn Cashmere.
- If you must, zhuzh it up with one light, durable key accessory without a giant clasp to betray you in the metal detector, like a wooden beaded necklace from Lee Angel. Do you want the TSA’s new extra special nudie body scan? Don’t volunteer yourself with too much Alex & Ani on your wrists.
- Flats. London Sole offers bi-tonal colored-toe numbers that look totally Chanel.
- Extra clean pits. I know your 5:55AM flight is early. You will be in a crowded space. Make WhyDid proud and smell like soap.
- A convenient wallet. Don’t pick that fantastic but complicated bag with a million hidden compartments, or hold up the line because you had to put all your other stuff on the floor for a two-handed license-finding solution. This makes you look like a dope, and more specifically, invites “ping” situations. Class it up and have your ID handy.
- A looky-loo at Wheretraveler.com, this guest blogger’s home base, with local listings written by pros, not random complainers who heart nasty reviews. Plus in 2011 Wheretraveler.com is giving away trips for 4 to Orlando, Miami, San Francisco, Las Vegas, New York, and Oahu!
- Pants that fit. You will be sitting for hours and nothing says, “Hello, Fat Day Right Over Here In My Pants!” more than unbuttoning that top jean button.
So now you’re all set to travel like a pro. Please don’t be “that girl” in front of me in airport security.