The List Volume LXXXVIII

By |July 19th, 2013|The List|

So, this one time I left my wallet in the back of a taxi. I had a near meltdown. But my friends reassured me that they’d heard lovely stories about people returning lost wallets or being able to track down their lost items after filing a report. Well, neither of those happy endings are a part of my story. My wallet was never to be seen again. Credit cards were canceled, sentimental items mourned, and fingers crossed someone in Guam hadn’t stolen my identity. After having toted my passport around for the past year without a single stamp earned (turns out leaving the borough doesn’t count), I decided it was probably a good time to replace my driver’s license. Should have been fairly straightforward, but that’s not really how my life goes… so yeah, that’s how I spent last week.

  1. People who complain about things, but don’t bother doing anything about them. Like, that 1am pizza? Not doing anything good for your thighs. Trust.
  2. Asking the male bathroom attendant for a tampon and then having to pay two dollars for it.
  3. Bed Bath and Beyond. If you didn’t have ADD before you got here, welcome. How else do you explain the potato masher and popsicle molds you definitely didn’t need?
  4. I finally figured out what PHD stands for: Pinnacle of Hell, Dude.
  5. Seeing an ex-boyfriend’s wedding photos on Facebook after another. bad. date.
  6. Herald Square.
  7. Herald Square in the rain. Crowds are bad. Crowds with umbrellas are what nightmares and video games are made of.
  8. Explaining something tedious very explicitly to someone knowing full well by his/her blank expression that you’re wasting your words.
  9. Walking outside only to feel as if your skin just melted off.
  10. When the outcome has become too predictable.

Hope your week was less obnoxious (and cooler) than mine.