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Red Carpet Recap: Up All Night To Get Lucky (and write this post)

By |January 27th, 2014|Red Carpet Recap, Why Did You Wear That?|

slipknot-beyonce-daft-punk-grammysLast night the 56th Annual Grammy Awards were held at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles.  The red carpet was covered in designer clad nominees and presenters from Kendrick Lamar to Anna Kendrick all looking to clinch their very own gold sippy cups.  You know who didn’t win a Grammy?  My computer… because it failed to perform.  I’ve been without it since Thursday and fortunately was able to harass the geniuses at Apple enough to retrieve it at 6:45pm on Sunday evening– just in time to chip in my two cents on the evening’s events.  Phew.

To go ahead and get the party started, Beyonce, husband, Jay-Z, and that ass took the stage wherein we all began to feel guilty about the half chewed leftover piece of cold pizza in our mouths.  Perhaps we should all take up “surfing” because it seems to be doing wonders for Beyonce’s body… and love life.  While we’re at it, where can one meet a man who glances at us like we’re the elusive golden unicorn and also happens to be a rap music mogul and doting daddy?

While on the topic of children, teen dream, Lorde was given the duty of taking the stage after Jay and Bey and despite a somewhat spastic start, she nailed her vocals proving that she earned both song of the year and best pop solo vocal wins.  Speaking of nailing it, can anyone explain those nails to us?

But let’s get down to what really matters, the fashion.  The Golden Globes were all about crimson, the SAG’s about blue, and the Grammy’s were primarily comprised of glimmering golds.  There were spatterings of color from blue to orange and another heavy dose of red, and quite a few female icons opted for pants in black.  Madonna and son, David, wore matching Ralph Lauren and oh gawd, she wore a grill.   And shouldn’t her grill match her bedazzled gloves?  And what happened to her British accent?  It seems she’s traded it in for a southern twang… maybe due to her golden grill?  It’s too much for me to comprehend right now.  I ‘m drunk in love… or maybe prosecco.

The ladies who took our breath away have all graced both the best and worst dressed lists in award shows past.  Katy Perry was a vision in (predicted) Valentino, Beyonce in sheer white Michael Costello, a pregnant Ciara in Emilio Pucci, and a tiny Taylor Swift in Gucci.  I was torn on Taylor because there was no denying how stunning her gown was, but the hair and makeup didn’t match in my opinion.  This was her time to be edgy. A slick ponytail and more dramatic makeup would have taken her totally over the top.  Her half assed updo read post Pilates hair to me.  By the way, have none of Taylor Swift’s friends shown her a video of her dancing?  Please do.

On the other end of the spectrum, as adorable and talented as Ariana Grande may be, I’m heading to her house with a hairbrush and some tough love.  If I see her in another half up-half down ‘do, I’m shaving her bald like Britney.  As for the man posing as a roast beef eating Smokey the Bear, it’s a good thing you’re handsome and talented, cause that hat…  It’s got its own Twitter handle for heaven’s sake.  Skylar Grey wore what is essentially a flesh colored Band-Aid and Zendaya, I don’t even know what to do with you.

But for the most part the evening was full of fun surprises like 34 couples being married by Queen Latifah during a Macklemore/Madonna performance and a Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney reunion.  I’m just left wondering where our bad girls of the red carpet, Miley and Rihanna were?  Lady Gaga was also nowhere to be found leaving the fashion shenanigans up to the men and some creepy ass clowns.

Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White:

sarah hyland paula patton grammySarah Hyland, Paula Patton in Nicolas Jebran, Judith Hill

Back in Black:

kelly-osbourne-lorde-grammysKelly Osbourne in Badgley Mischka, Faith Evans, Louise Roe, Lorde

White Snakes:

The 56th Annual GRAMMY Awards - ArrivalsParis Hilton in House of Milani, Steven Tyler, Keltie Knight, Iggy Azalea in Elie Saab

It’s a (Wo)Man’s World:

maddona grammysStevie Nicks, Cyndi Lauper, Yoko Ono, Madonna and son, David in Ralph Lauren

Suits and Ties:

miguel kaskade grammysMiguel in Saint Laurent, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis in Mr. Turk, Austin Mahone in custom Sanctuary 28, Kaskade

Gold Album:

rita ora grammysRita Ora in Lanvin, Amber Rose in Naeem Khan, Chrissy Teigen in Johanna Johnson

Get Naked:

kasey musgraves grammysSarah Bareilles Blumarine, Kasey Musgraves in Armani, Brooklyn Haley

Red:

pink-miranda-lambert-grammysTamar Braxton, Miranda Lambert in Pamella Roland, Pink in Johanna Johnson, Gloria Estefan in Gustavo Cadile, Colbie Caillat in Ezra Santos

Channel Orange:

giuliana-rancic-grammysGiuliana Rancic in Alex Perry, Natasha Bedingfield in Christian Siriano

True Blue:

grammys 2014 red carpetAnna Faris in Fitriani, Bonnie McKee in Gustavo Cadile, Alicia Keys in Armani Prive

Outfit of the Year:

best dressed grammysKaty Perry in Valentiono, Beyonce in Michael Costello, Ciara in Emilio Pucci, Taylor Swift in Gucci

And the Winner Isn’t:

grammys worst dressedAriana Grande in Dolce and Gabbana, Pharrell Williams, Zendaya in Emmanuel Ungaro, Skylar Grey Michael Costello

and in case you missed it or just need a reminder as to why you need to hit the gym…

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: A Thorn Without a Rose

By |February 19th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?|

Dear Amber Rose,

First and foremost, I’d like to say, who the hell are you? You keep popping up everywhere so clearly I went ahead and Wikipedia’ed your ass. (Ass being operative word seeing as this is what Wiki had to say):

Amber Rose (born October 21, 1982) is an American modelsocialite and former exotic dancer, best known for her relationship with musicianKanye West.[citation needed] Her mother is from Cape Verde and her father is of Italian and African American and Irish descent.[citation needed]She is the youngest child of Shauna and Juan Palmer. Her parents divorced when she was three years old, and she was raised by her maternal aunt, Mary Lakes. Rose originally wanted to own a restaurant because she enjoyed food but instead turned to modeling as a career.

Okay, couple things… seems as though “socialite” is being thrown around pretty carelessly these days.  How do you think Tinsley Mortimer feels about being lumped in the same category with an ex stripper turned nude model?

On a total side note, why do they call it “exotic” dancing? I mean, there’s nothing “exotic” about it. Am I right? It’s like calling the garbage man a “waste technician.” Let’s call a spade a spade.

This is the picture that got me to venting:

am

This is you at Fashion Week. Why are you there? I was not aware that Darth Vader was showing this season.

amber-rose-new-york

Oh… leggings as pants. Leopard leggings as pants. Two birds. One stone.

amber_rose2_0_0_0x0_400x600

I mean, really? Did you think that we wouldn’t mind your cameltoe if you matched your pants to your lipstick? Strike two.

Amber Rose-JTM-047036

You obv don’t wanna be a wallflower, so why on God’s green earth are you dressing like wallpaper?

amber-rose-blue-green-hair

You’re really testing my patience, Amber.

amber-rose-rich

Oh, you’re a bumblebee. Is that what all the buzz is about?

amber-rose-and-kanye-west-london-fashion-week-TQpfqE

And your worst fashion choice of all? Kanye as an accessory.

Now I know why you were a stripper/nude model, cause you actually are better off with no clothes on.

xx,

WhyDid