Ah, that special day in your life. You’ve dreamt about it since you were a little girl. You’re wearing the most beautiful dress you’ll probably ever wear and you get to marry the man of your dreams with your very best friends right by your side.
They were there when you called them with giddy excitement after your first date, wiped away your tears after your first fight, and called them immediately when he finally popped the question. So why are you dressing them up like show ponies?
I get that this is “your day” but what did I ever do to you? Why must I look like I’m wearing a prom dress (and a bad one at that)? Is this some kind of hazing? Cause I’m pretty sure we covered that when I was holding your hair back as you tossed your cookies at your bachelorette party… You know, the time you made me drink out of a penis straw?
Not sure why so many brides insist on making their besties and bridesmaids look like giant eggplants or fluffy pink sheep, while they’ve never looked better. I know, I know… it’s hard to find one dress that matches your color “theme”, looks good on everyone, and doesn’t upstage you.
A few things:
- These dresses are ugly. They just are.
- Not every girl is going to look smashing in the exact same dress. I don’t care how beautiful your besties are. Some have hips, some have breasts, and unless you lucked into having quintuplets for best friends, none of them are going to look the same in that damn dress.
- When you ask us, “Will you ever wear this dress again?” we have no choice but to plaster on a smile and squeal with delight, “Yes!!!”
- We will never upstage you- unless you make us wear these god forsaken taffeta monstrosities. You’re the bride and you are beautiful!
Listen, I know you think that you must purchase official bridesmaids dresses, but there are plenty of great “off the rack” options that might actually make your bridesmaids happy. To drive home my point, I have found options (all under $300) in every color of the rainbow:
1. Top Shop Yellow Cami Ruched Mesh Dress, $95, 2. Amanda Uprichard Crystal Body Silk Dress, $194, 3. Victoria’s Secret Flirty Multi-Way Dress, $79.50, 4. Presley Skye Ruffle Trim Crepe de Chine Dress, $128, 5. BCBGENERATION Cascading Ruffle Dress, $98, 6. A.B.S. by Allen Schwartz Yellow Silk Chiffon Beaded One Shoulder Dress, $237, 7. Ellen Tracy Sleeveless V-Neck Dress, $148, 8. Aqua Encom Twist Bandeau Full Maxi Dress, $129.29, 9. Aidan Mattox Floral Print Tiered Gown, $295, 10. Aidan Mattox Pansy Silk Chiffon Halter Dress, $279
11. Lauren by Ralph Lauren Chessington Shirred Dress, $130, 12. Ani Lee Taryn Dress, $299, 13. Free People Watercolor Printed Asymmetrical Dress, $128, 14. Mark + James Tie Waist Metallic Tulle Dress, $295, 15. Parker Bead Dress, $297, 16. Max and Cleo One Shoulder Gown, $178, 17. Amanda Uprichard Jessie Maxi Dress, $242, 18. LM by Mignon Cascade One Shoulder Gown, $243, 19. American Apparel Siren Dress, $75, 20. Winter Kate Barbel Lace Trim Maxi Gown, $285
So cut your gals a break, would ya? You still want them by your side after your big day, right?