Thank goodness we have a long weekend… cause it sure has been a long week.
- The poles with buttons you are supposed to push to cross the street. They’re bullshit. Nothing ever happens. They’re just there to make you think they care.
- People who bump/bodyslam into you on the street and don’t apologize. We aren’t doing tackle drills. Relax.
- Men in bandanas. The only men who can pull off bandanas are Smitty and Bret Michaels:
- Smacking trees and other inanimate objects when running. Is this a Foursquare check in I didn’t know about?
- Office birthday cake. I don’t even wanna celebrate with you, so don’t judge me when I don’t indulge in your shitty cake. If I’m gonna splurge, it’s going to be on Strip House’s Famous Chocolate Cake.
- Katy Perry’s new song, California Gurls. A) you spelled it wrong. B) it sucks. C) No, it’s not cause I’m biased.
- Shrapnel that flies off the streets of NY rendering me blind and incidentally causing me to be one of the jerks who doesn’t know how to walk properly on the sidewalk.
- Parents who make their kids wear Crocs. Just cause you ruined your life doesn’t mean you should ruin theirs.
- Twitter. I think I’m over you. Apparently, no one cares what I have to say (seeing as I have the same # of followers as I did in 2008) and it really hurts my feelings when someone “unfollows” me. Did I say something to offend you?
- Jesse James. Shut. Up.
Enjoy the holiday, kiddos. Don’t forget your sunscreen and headphones to block out the incessant babble of those around you.