I often think that a lot of women are dressing for the wrong reasons. Yes, that’s right. (I mean besides avoiding public nudity- which I see no problem with).

A lot of women seem to be getting dressed for other women. Which is fine, I guess. I would just think that when a woman spends 3.5 hours primping in front of the mirror, it would be to impress, perhaps, a man. Call me crazy, but when I go to work (which consists of all women and a few fantastic gay men- I work in fashion, remember?) I roll in wearing clothes that look good, but are comfortable and still somewhat stylish. I can guarantee that I am NOT looking fresh off the runway though.  This would actually be the perfect time for me to don my open toe booties and latex leggings cause the girls in the office might actually care… but I’ll pass.

However, when I have a hot date with my man, I pull out all the stops- however, this does not include my latest and greatest trendy fashion finds. You see, men don’t notice your “this season” Gucci booties, or your brand new Balenciaga bag. They are looking at you. All of that hoopla is lost on them and they probably think it’s a little ridiculous. If your man does care about your outfit and its fashion expiration date, you may want to take your “gay-dar” in for a tune up.

Don’t believe me? Below are some of the current “trends” (which my girlfriends have already so lovingly commented on) and my very manly guy friends’ responses to them.






“Boyfriend jeans – So girls want to wear loose fitting, beat up jeans?  Maybe these boyfriend jean lovers should start changing the oil in their cars, doing yardwork, or working construction.  My advice, skip the boyfriend jeans, and wear a new pair of raw jeans APC, Jean Shop, or Nudie for a year before their first wash.  The end result will be much, much better than anything you can buy.

Leggings as pants – The number 1 contributor to our nation’s camel toe epidemic.
Animal print – Some things just never die, but animal print is far from timeless.
The dress – Now this I don’t mind at all.  Any girl with the figure to pull this off should by all means show that shit off!”
“If my girl dressed like any of those twunts I’d hit her.  Then I’d hit myself because only a fool would be caught dead in public with someone dressed so poorly.  The fact that someone actually dreamed up outfits like this is outdone only by the fact that there are people who actually paid for it.  It’s mind boggling that people actually think something like that is a good idea, but hey, Hitler thought the Holocaust was a good idea and you see how well that worked out for him.

I reckon you’re right, they’re not dressing for their men; those photos are doing a hell of a job in turning me gay. “


“My thoughts on those “trends”

If women want to wear men’s jeans, it’s ok if you’re throwing them on to get the door, not in public.  It looks like pegging is trying to make a comeback.  I really don’t like the leggings look.  It looks more like under armor for women.  I hear weasel is going to be big this spring.

That’s my thoughts.”


“Oh my. Where to begin?

1st picture: The first woman has entirely too much going on, and if you’re going to try to look all comfy and casual, you might want to skip the heels with eleventy thousand straps. The second woman looks reasonable, in an “I don’t really care what I look like” sort of way and is at least wearing shoes that make some sort of sense with the rest of her clothes. As for the woman in the middle- her dog looks like he’d rather not be seen in public with her. I can’t blame him. The fourth woman is demonstrating a fundamental truth of the universe: polo shirts look ridiculous tucked into jeans. Again with the fancy shoes, too. And the young lady to the far right? There is so much going on there that the jeans are the least of her problems- in fact, they kinda look right with the boots and the tusk and the whatever the hell she’s wearing around her shoulders..
Bottom line: comfy jeans are cool. Jeans don’t have to be skin-tight on a woman to look nice. However, wearing jeans that look like something you’d paint your house in along with a pair of 4″ heels with a dozen straps and buckles just doesn’t make sense.

2nd picture: These just look absurd. The only circumstances I can imagine where they’re not totally preposterous would be on a dominatrix, as part of the costumes for a science fiction movie, or on whoever plays Catwoman in the next DC Comics film.

3rd picture: Um, wow. Speaking of cat woman… The dress on the far right isn’t totally atrocious, but it would probably look better, as a dress, if it wasn’t leopard print. As for the woman in the middle- I thought leopards were sleek, lithe, athletic creatures?

4th picture: Yikes. Just in case leopard print wasn’t trashy enough for you…. I guess if you’ve got a body where you can pull something like this off, knock yourself out. Just don’t be surprised when somebody expects you to jump out of a giant birthday cake or, in the case of the example to the far right, if a man calling himself Upgrayedd (with two d’s for a double dose of his pimpin’) starts asking you where his money is.

Why do women do these things? Do they have any idea how utterly silly they look?”

So, there you have it. Straight from the horse’s mouth. Instead of flipping out over being the trendiest most stylish girl ever, why not spend a little extra time putting on mascara or taking a soothing bath. Trends are lost on most men anyway and they’re probably more interested in how great you smell rather than what season your handbag is from.