Every time, I don’t think it can get any worse. It does.  Chicago has taken it to a whole new level. Get your barf bags ready… we’re all set for take off.

I’m guessing that this must have been some sort of Maxim “event.” So, why do I get the inkling that Maxim would not be happy to have their name tied to these people walking the “red carpet?”

Do you think that these girls thought that they were supposed to dress up like the hotties in Maxim? Is that why they are wearing these ridiculous outfits? Is the girl on the left wearing her outfit backwards a la Kriss Kross? I mean, I can understand why. She wants her belly ring to show, duh!!

This is fantastic. She heard the words, “Hometown Hottie” and thought she would really go all out. Might as well dress up like a country western star. Right? Club security wouldn’t let her bring in her guitar. Could be used as a weapon.

High waisted shorts are hard enough to pull off when you are rail thin… let’s leave them for the girls at Elite, okay?

This young lady is sucking in SO hard that her head is about to burst at any moment! Tyra would probably suggest that she “smile with her eyes” in order to avoid this constipated look on her face.

This is clearly the line for the bathroom. There is no way anyone else would ever make these ladies wait in line! (Also, the girl in the back is so obviously doing the pee pee dance).

Or maybe, they were waiting in line to meet THIS guy. He looks like a really fun time. I also want to be in any establishment where they are serving me beer in plastic cups and slap a colored bracelet on my wrist. (Don’t they know those are only reserved for “to-go” cups?) I’m going to bet that he is wearing True Religions too.

It is truly frightening to me that they travel in packs. That means that not one of them is going to tell the others that they look like “working girls” and I don’t mean bank tellers. It’s the blind leading the blind… wait, do you think they’re blind so they don’t even KNOW what they’re wearing and someone is just playing some sick joke? Now, that’s just mean.

Okay, so I’m guessing that someone lured these girls to this beer in plastic cups serving bar under the pretense that they might be “discovered” by Maxim. Then they served them beer in plastic cups and convince them that they should take cheesy/raunchy photos for them. Still doesn’t explain the outfits though.

Her mother would be beyond proud.

Are we still doing belly rings? (I’ll get back to the fact that she’s basically topless in a second). I know that I took mine out about 4 years ago- and that’s embarrassing enough. Is this seriously still a trend? Okay, back to the toplessness. That’s a pretty fancy bra she’s wearing. She probably splurged on it and figured, why let it go to waste. Good thinking!

Five plastic cups of beer later and this one has partied her top off. Well, thank you, Chicago. That was really informative. We will no longer just think of you as the “Windy City” or a great place to get deep dish pizza.