Okay, so I know that Vegas is a lotta flash and a lotta cash… but I am having a really difficult time digesting this. Some of it was spent on the ideal charter mini bus rental we’d hired to get to the venue, but the rest I didn’t know what to do. Seriously, my stomach is churning. I think I may have nightmares after what I’ve just witnessed… Buckle up. It’s gonna be a rough one.

Okay, so I’m a little confused here. Who’s who? I don’t think your boyfriend’s hair should ever be longer than yours. The pixie cut is difficult enough to pull off, you don’t need your boyfriend competing with you!

Um, do you think she knows that her bra is hanging out? Oh… I get it. That’s part of her “outfit”! Clever little devil!

OMG. Sadly, this must be a Vegas TREND! This is so weird to me. We have spent years trying to figure out how to try and HIDE our bra straps and now we’re just popping our bras right out the front our tops?

So first of all, check out the girl on the left’s Myspace hat. Can we say Tila Tequila? Wait, is this Tila Tequila and Forbidden?

Either way, I am not understanding these outfits. Two words: Hot Mess (and multiply that by two).

Okay, let’s just go ahead and point out the obvious. Honestly, I’m all for a nice rack, but seriously, these girls look more plastic than Barbie. Isn’t the point of a boob job for them to look natural? Maybe I’m mistaken… Do you think they got a 2 for 1?

I think I’m sensing a trend here. The bigger the better.  These two look like low budget (if that is even possible) Kardashian sisters. Apparently, if you have a big  enough chest, all you have to do is put on jeans and a tank top. Your twins will accessorize for you. How much do you want to bet they’re wearing True Religions??

This guy actually makes me smile a little. Just a little. He doesn’t care. He just looks so happy. I have a feeling his happiness has a lot to do with hallucinogens though. He’s probably seeing rainbows and butterflies right now. Well, I can kind of understand the drugs if one has to be surrounded by all of these disasters.

This is just amazing. I’m not sure what the hell is going on here… I swear this is really happening and it really did happen in Vegas. Promise. What would you caption this? whydidyouwearthat@whydid.com

This is where my confusion lies. Is Las Vegas stuck in a time warp? I feel like this is a very 1999 look. The kinked up overly blond hair. It’s just so… cheesy. It reminds me of the times of “Genie and a Bottle” and “Baby One More Time.” It’s time to update the do’s, ladies.

Speaking of Ms. Aguilera…. No, this is not actually her.. But grrrr… these girls are just animals. Again.. having a hard time understanding the overly done hair and makeup and clothes. I guess everything in Las Vegas is just overdone.

Watch out now! We got some gangstas on our hands! They are the boobie gangstas. Mess with them and they’ll stab you with their underwires. (Also note that the girl on the right is wearing leggings… AS PANTS).

I can’t even. I’m worn out after seeing all of this lady’s cohorts. There is nothing good happening here with her outfit. She forgot to put on her clothes, but at least she remembered her gloves!!!

Well, there you have it. Viva Las Vegas. If you wanna see lots of breasts and be the best dressed in any club, this is the place for you. (The Las Vegas Travel council should cut me a check).