2009 VMA’s (aka View. My. Ass.)

By |September 14th, 2009|Red Carpet Recap, Why Did You Wear That?|

It seems that this year people actually tuned into the MTV VMA’s.  Perhaps it was the tribute to Michael Jackson, or maybe that it was back in good old NYC, either way the show did not disappoint.  Twitter was abuzz last night with updates on all the drama and performances.

Clearly, the theme for last night was a lot of gratuitous ass.  I would have come up with an “A” word for vagina, but could not think of one.  The bar was set high when Katy Perry performed wearing WHITE shiny leggings and a serious case of cameltoe.


And just in case you didn’t notice her lady parts, she finished off her performance with a “crotch grab.”  Classy. Love Katy, but no woman should attempt the white spandex pants. Ever.

Kanye-West-grabs-the-mic--001Speaking of ass, Kanye West sure acted like one when he ruined Taylor Swift’s moment to shine.  Really, Kanye? Get a life. Picking on a cute girl like Taylor is just LAME.


Oh, Lady Gaga. I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.  She’s notorious for her lack of clothing and her affinity for all things leotard.  While she normally has security who blocks paparazzi from taking photos of her derriere, we got a full view last night as she swung covered in “blood” from the ceiling.  If Lady Gaga could buy stock in “inappropriateness”, she would.


It’s clear to all of us why Jay-Z went ahead and put a ring on that.  I have to give the girl props for sporting this little number, however, that’s a lot of crotch.  A couple of things: 1) I want the number to her waxer.  It’s safe to bet that Beyonce took a trip to Brazil before her performance, 2) the trick to Beyonce’s svelte thighs? Double (or even triple) layers of tights.  A shiny shaping pair layered beneath nude fishnets will erase and trace of cellulite or extra lbs.


We all know pink is a bad ass, but attempting this little stunt in a unitard with a huge contraption in her crotch giving her the world’s largest cameltoe… Ouch.

I wanted to also include a photo of Russell Brand in that ridiculous suit of his because he is a total ass and we also saw too much of his crotch as well. I’m confused as to why MTV signed him on for a second year of hosting. Do people actually like him? And for the record, women aren’t the only ones who need to be conscious of their thighs in skinny pants. Men with thick thighs can not, I repeat, can not pull off skinny pants.


But alas, there was a happy ending after all.

large_taylor-swift-neyonce-mtv-video-music-awardsBeyonce saved some ass (ahem, Kanye) after she graciously gave up her time for an acceptance speech for Video of the Year in order to allow Taylor Swift to complete her acceptance speech that had been cut short due to douchebaggery.

I propose that next year they go ahead and change the name.