I think I may have hit the mother load. I love Miami, but seriously, I am disturbed by some of the attire I saw from these Miami party pictures. Are there a lack of mirrors there? I would be more than happy to donate personally if that’s what the problem is.

Do you kind of wonder what happened here? On one hand, I do give the young lady on the left some credit for not falling into the trap of “jeans and varied black slutty top,” however, did it HAVE to be a tie dyed t-shirt and annoying headband thing (what is with that anyway?).

Nothing annoys me more than guys like this. I mean, he might be a perfectly nice guy and save kittens for a living, but I guarantee if he walked up to me in a bar I would run the other way. I don’t even know him and I don’t like him. I know you are not John Gotti, so please stop with the lame ganster hat, thanks.

A couple of things are confusing me about this picture. First of all, how did this girl manage to levitate above the crowd? Secondly, what is going on with her midriff baring top? Do we still do that? I thought we stopped that when Donna Martin went off the air. Wait… wait just a second… she’s a cheerleader and her friends put her up in a shoulder stand. Hence, the “all-star” belly shirt and ponytail. Duh!

Matching his and hers Ed Hardy!! How cute! Do you think they planned this? Or perhaps they didn’t even know each other until they spotted one another across the room and knew that they were a perfect match since they both have awful taste. I bet that was it.

Oh, and I don’t think I didn’t notice their friend’s leggings.

Now, here’s a fun group. I’m not going to even comment on the three sets of giant twins. Now they definitely coordinated outfits. I bet the girl in the center is the leader of the group like Regina George in Mean Girls. She probably told them they all had to wear skirts, but SHE gets to be the sluttiest!

Or perhaps they are some European girl band. They sing songs like, “My Shirt Is Way Too Tight” and “Hooker Boots.” Don’t forget the smash hit, “You Can Never Be Too Tan.”

Was this a theme party and I didn’t get the invite? Well that’s not very nice. Eeh, on second thought, I’m kinda glad I missed it. Now, I can tell that the girl on the left is an “indian” but the girl on the right? What is she? A gas station attendant? A Sears repairman? Her boyfriend? Hm… I’m going to have to think about this one.

Oh what? It wasn’t a theme party?

This is by far my favorite of the bunch. It’s like Christmas came early for me. Where do I begin?? Better yet, where do I end?? I need to know where one actually buys clothing like this. I mean, I guess I did notice that the mannequins at the stores in South Beach do have bigger boobs…

I really am just flabbergasted. For once, I really am without words!