1. Kate Gosselin’s weave.
2. Volcanoes. I mean, really? We have things to do and you’re totes effing up our sched.
3. Bathroom attendants. I don’t need your help pumping the soap and no, you don’t deserve a dollar for it.
4. Molly Sims. No reason necessary.
5. People who talk to me when I’ve clearly got headphones on. I’m obvi trying to avoid all communication with you. Get it?
6. iPads. Still don’t get it.
7. The Millionaire Matchmaker reunion show. Reunion shows are bullshit.
8. Cellulite. I wanna know the male equivalent. Balding?
9. SJP’s Vogue cover. Why does she look 24? She’s 40+ and we know it.
10. Shrimp.

Okay, that’s all… for this week.

xx,

WhyDid

Which leads me to my real point, since when did models stop gracing the covers of magazines?  Why have they been evicted from the supermodel throne by these sassy little starlets?  Call me crazy, but isn’t that what models do?  Now they are just stuck with the editorials, ad campaigns, runway shows, and (gasp) showroom appointments? 

I read an article once about how models no longer have the star appeal and the personalities of the first generation of “supermodels.”  Well, here’s a thought, maybe if you actually put them on the covers of your magazines and let them be interviewed and have personalities rather than just being lifeless mannequins on the runways, people would sit up and take notice.  Personally, I miss the days of Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, and Naomi Campbell (to name a few).  They were celebrities in their own right.  People wanted to know about them.  Now, the closest thing we have to “supermodels” are Adriana Lima and Heidi Klum (thanks to the brilliant marketing of Victoria’s Secret).  No offense to Jessica Alba and Sarah Jessica Parker, but I will turn on the TV if I want to see you, or better yet, pick up a copy of US Weekly.  Using actresses as models on fashion magazines makes it feel less authentic and more commercialized.  It takes the edginess out of “fashion.”

I miss when fashion was raw and real.  I miss backstage runway catfights.  I miss the supermodels of the 90’s.  I want to see Lily Donaldson and Jessica Stamm on the covers of US fashion magazines.  Take a stand, ladies!  Reclaim the throne.  I’ve got your back.

xx,

WhyDid

 This looks like a seemingly normal group of young people out for a fun night on the town. However, the girl with the nip slip should resolve to get new friends in 2009. Whether her shirt “accidentally” flopped over to the side to reveal her sparkly bikini top and her friends didn’t bother to fix it pre-photo or if they just let her walk out of the house like that, they are bad friends and should be replaced immediately.

 I am going to assume (hope) this photo was taken after the ball dropped (insert perverted joke here).  I am actually kind of worried for her. She looks like she’s been through some things. Either that or she’s channeling Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. Regardless, there is no reason to be in public with no pants on. Unless you are at the beach, and clearly, my friend, you are not at the beach. So for 2009, I suggest you resolve to wear pants when leaving the house.

Ahh.. the trifling trio. This is my favorite type of photo as you may have started to realize.  I am still so baffled as to wear you find clothing like this.  I mean, really? Where? The two on the right look like they were enjoying a nice day at the beach, but then swam out too far and got caught in a fisherman’s net and he was pretty psyched about his catch, so he brought them out to party with him. Next year, resolve to only swim out 10 feet to avoiding being the catch of the day.

 I can’t tell if these girls are channeling Strawberry Shortcake and friends or the Cheetah Girls. What do you think? The leopard print mini leads me to believe Cheetah Girls, while the backpack, legwarmers over tights, and excessive use of pink make me want to say Strawberry Shortcake (though I am stumped as to the girl wearing a sweatercoat on the left).  I would not consider either to be fashion icons, so in 2009, why not treat yourselves to a subscription to Vogue or InStyle?

Ignoring the blatantly obvious, this picture makes me laugh a little. It’s a shame that I had to black out her eyes because they are all wonked out and she is just a mess. (You’re just going to have to take my word, it’s that good).  Either way, you can tell Ms. Sassy Pants here has had one (5) too many Patron shots and is thinking she is pretty sexy right about now. We all know this face. Ms. Sassy Pants, for 2009 I think you should resolve to stick to one shot of Patron/night only.

 This isn’t THE most offensive thing I have ever seen, but to wear sequins just for the sake of wearing sequins is a waste of time.  If you are going to wear something covered in sequins, might as well be something fun. This top she is wearing just looks like a plate of armor. I do spot something blue and furry over her arm though. I’m kind of curious to see what that is, though I’m sure it’s probably in both of our interest that I don’t.  Either way, if you’re going to huss it up, huss it up all the way in ‘09.

 Oh! More sequins! This is also not what I had in mind for sequins. Not at all. I’m not sure what is scarier, her sequin dress or the fact that the “person” to her left is a woman dressed as a man (I think).  I wonder if the lady on the right knows?? Be sure to check birth certificates  for gender in 2009.

Now, I know a few (okay, one in particular) guys who like to take their shirts off in public. A couple of rules for shirtless-ness: 1) please have the body for it (as well as manscaping), 2) shirtless-ness is only acceptable at the beach, at home, or in the shower. In 2009, let’s keep our shirts on, fellas! 

 We have already discussed our thoughts on animal print.  So this is just an example of how it DOES NOT work.  Though I think that animal print is totally overdone, it can work in subtle accents, like a bag or shoes, or a jewelery. Remember less is more in 2009. 

I have noticed that a lot of girls like this style of top. I get it. It’s kinda slutty without being too slutty. Here’s the kicker though… it only works on two types of people: those with augmented breasts and those with no breasts at all.  This style is not flattering on saggy boobs. It never has been, it never will be. If you have natural breasts that need a bit of a boost and INSIST on wearing tops like this, I suggest Lift-its from Useful Chick Stuff.  Get crafty with your underwear drawer in 2009.

xx