So, there is a saying out there that we’ve all heard a million times. It goes something  like this, “How can you expect  anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?” The past couple of months I have been on a scavenger hunt for LOVE. I have been dating, and been having disastrous results (check out my last trainwreck) . Along with searching for love, I have also been trying to find the adult in myself. I can say that trying to find both of these things at the same time could be what is making the dating thing hard. I am really focused on my career, learning to manage my money, and getting my credit in order. I have been beating myself up a lot lately, because at 27 years of age I should already KNOW how to do this stuff , right? With that being said, part of me is embarrassed at where I am in my life. I feel like a school project that you waited til the last minute to throw together. The popsicle sticks  and glitter are falling off and the glue is barely dry. It’s not ready to be presented, but you present it anyway. If you couldn’t follow that analogy, the point I am trying to make is I don’t think I am presentable right now. I don’t think I have a lot to offer someone else. That is, unless, you like a disaster and then I’m your guy. This thinking is NOgood.  The main thing I am trying to drive home is I don’t like TJ lately (sad violin plays in the background) soo Why In Gay Hell am I dating? Well, I will tell you why. I like the  attention and validation that I get from a date, especially a first date because at that point it’s based on just physical attraction. It makes me feel good to know that someone thinks I am pretty. It also makes me feel good to know I can score a date when inside I feel like a tragedy. Sooo what do I do about this? How do I learn to LOVE me so that I can be truly open to loving someone else and have them love me back?

Well, I will tell you where I have decided to start: my appearance. I mean, part of loving yourself is loving the way you look, right? Soo with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, and me being single, I have decided to treat MYSELF to some services that cater to my vanity.  Here is a list of services I KNOW always help me like the way I look a little bit more….

• Get my hair did. Color, Cut, Scalp Treatment:  I always feel great when leaving a salon and I think most people do. Suggestion for all girls in NYC- I work at the best salon in the West Village (and rated best new salon in AM New York), Ryan Darius Salon! I can guarantee if you come down and visit the fab Ryan Nickulas for your hair, you will def. leave loving yourself a LOT more.
• Get a Mani/Pedi: Now, I am a fingernail aficionado (I do nails at Ryan Darius Salon, for a few Celebs, Fashion Shoots/Shows and TV) sooI know what a good mani/pedi looks like. I also know how good a girl feels after getting beautiful nails. Let’s also remember getting your hands and feet rubbed, I mean who doesnt love that?
• Getting Skin Soft and Smooth:  I will be getting waxed and a facial. Eyebrows are important to me and when I look in the mirror, I see them so they need to look good. I mean, they are on my face. Also, in the waxing arena (and thank you to WhyDidYouWearThat) I will be getting a little waxing called the “Backdoor.” Being well groomed below the belt can def. step your confidence level up a notch. After leaving the wax room, I head over to get my skin glowing and to gain some mental peace and quiet during a facial.
• Workin On My Fitness:  I am recommitting to the gym. I want the body I talk about having (this body I talk about resembles Sean Farisjust so ya know) and that means dedication. It also is good to set a goal and accomplish it because proving to yourself that you can accomplish things is another great way to start loving yourself. It’s like running a marathon (I am assuming because I don’t run. Why in Gay Hell would I?) When you finally cross the finish line, you are filled with a feeling that is undeniably amazing because YOU DID IT!

Now, I know from experience that yes, I am going to LOVEmyself a lot more after I get myself glammed up, but I do want to talk briefly about loving the “you inside” and not just  the “you outside.” I’ve also heard somewhere that it’s what’s inside that counts. I think the best way to start loving the “you inside” is to start by saying to yourself right now, “I am where I’m supposed to be.” For me, this starts by not comparing my life to anyone else’s (i.e She’s married soo I should be married. She drives a better car than mine. She makes twice the salary I do, etc.).  My path is my path,no one else’s. I have to be happy where I am today or it’s going to be a pretty miserable journey.

Lately I have been making “Gratitude” and “Accomplishment” lists. I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have in my life and I need to remind myself that I have done things I should be proud of. When you write it down on paper and look at it, it’s  a great feeling. It inspires me to keep pushing and taking the risks I need to. It’s also important to acknowledge your efforts.  Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want, but if you can say you put effort into it, remember that counts. Always give yourself an “A+” in effort. Last, but not least,  trust yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself as long as you put your heart in to it. A good relationship with yourself is like any other relationship you need TRUST to truly LOVE.

Now as far as Valentine’s Day, I am going to cut myself a break and I am not going to jump off the nearest bridge just because I am alone on the holiday of LOVE. Instead I am going to buy myself some of my fave flowers, (check out “Tough Love” to find out what flower that is), order a pizza from one of WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s suggestions, and have the best date with someone I am really happy to be getting to know….ME.

Happy V-day!

xx,

WhyInGayHell

What kind of lady would I be if I didn’t share important information with you? Not a very good one.

You may want to write this down. Valentine’s Day = Amateur Night.

People who don’t eat out all year long take this opportunity to bum rush the most expensive restaurant in Zagat still accepting reservations. Couple this with the fact that Vday falls on a Holiday weekend this year and we have a serious problem. It’s like a bad storm. My advice…stay indoors.

With that being said, I would like to shine light on one other issue surrounding the “Day of Love”. Flowers. If just the sight of classic red roses makes most women have a gag reflex, imagine how we feel when we receive them on Valentine’s Day?  They are soo unoriginal and to be completely honest, they look cheap. The only thing worse that I can think of is baby’s breath. Wait…I take that back – carnations are equally disturbing. I get it, red roses are easy and they do have an appropriate meaning but there are so many other flowers and colors that have beautiful meanings. Here are some of WhyDid’s favorites.
WHITE ROSES (My personal fave) – White roses represent innocence and purity.
PINK ROSES (WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s personal fave) – A symbol of grace and elegance. The pink rose is often given as an expression of admiration.
DAISY (WhyInGayHell’s fave) – Innocence and loyal love.
ORCHID (WhyDidYouWearThat’s personal fave) – Rare Beauty, refinement, beautiful woman, long life.

More on flowers and their meanings…. http://www.proflowers.com/flowerguide.aspx

Lady Malkin’s Tip of the Week: Cut flower stems on a diagonal under cold running water and place immediately in a water filled vase. Peel away to outer layer of petals from roses to make them last longer.

Hope your Valentine’s Day is lovely…

xx,
WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady

You like to live on the edge. You like to procrastinate. You could care less about this stupid Hallmark holiday (I personally love it- I’m just expressing what some others may think).  Whatever the reason may be, you still haven’t managed to purchase that special someone a gift for Valentine’s Day.  Well, have no fear, I’m here to get you out of this mess, you lazy fool. Below are some quick and fabulous V-day ideas! You’re welcome in advance!

For Her:

Jewelry-this is always on the list and as you might remember me mentioning during the holidays, it can be tricky.  Why not do something a little more fun like personalization?  Alex and Ani have an amazing selection of charms that can go on their sets of bangles and their chains.  These aren’t too pricey so you can pick out several pieces to make something truly special (think of it as a jewelry bouquet).  Or you could go a little higher end with Alex Woo. Pick out her intials or a number that is special to the two of you. Think outside of the little blue box!

Pictures- Whether it’s one great shot or a cluster of a few favorite memories, this can be a really sweet and recession friendly gift.  You can now easily upload your photos to a number of websites including Duane Reade and Ritz and have them print out your photos within an hour.  Pick up a beautiful frame and you’re all set!

Spoil her- Stock up on all of her favorite bath products from Sephora or even the local drugstore.  Fill a basket with lotions and potions, candles, and trashy gossip magazines. Then treat her to an at home massage. Sounds like a win-win to me

For Him:

Sexy lingerie- Not for him to wear, silly.  Slip on something “a little more comfortable” and let him know how special he is.  He’s probably sick of seeing you in your boyshorts and tank, so why not spice it up for at least one night.  Whether you buy Myla or Victorias Secret, he’s not going to care.

Dinner- A recession friendly gift for you ladies, cook him dinner (bonus points if you do it in heels and cute panties. Make his favorite meal and have it waiting for him.  It sounds totally 1950’s, but he will most certainly appreciate the extra effort. (Plus, a lot of grocery stores now deliver, so you can just go online and purchase all the ingredients necessary).

Gadgets- Guys love gadgets and right now, tons of them are on sale.  Why not do a new GPS system (lord knows he won’t ask for directions) or a digital photo frame?

And as I have pointed out before, the MOST important part is the card.  If you don’t have the actual words to write down on paper, spend some extra time in Hallmark choosing the perfect card.

So there you have it.  Doesn’t sound too bad, does it?  Surprisingly, I already have my bf’s gift purchased and wrapped.  I would tell you what it is, but he actually reads this from time to time.  Don’t worry, honey.. it’s a good one.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

xx,

WhyDid