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The List Volume XLV

By |May 20th, 2011|Somethin for the fellas, The List|

This week the list is dedicated to all you men out there.  At times, I am utterly appalled by your behavior and wonder why we women haven’t boycotted you altogether.

So gentlemen, read carefully.  Ladies, please feel free to print this sucker out and affix it to any and all men’s bathroom doors.

  1. Money can’t buy you love.  Yes, it’s true.  Girls love gifts.  And while this may work for a little while, there will come a time when you need to pony up and show us what you’re made of.  A new pair of Louboutins for every you time you $*%* up will fill our closets, not our hearts. (Sidenote: bragging about your cash is vulgar.  It doesn’t impress us -at least not the nice girls- it just makes us think you’re insecure).
  2. Your grooming habits and products should not be more complex nor should they take up the space of mine.  A little “manscaping” is one thing. Highlighted hair, waxed brows, and manzilians aren’t things that I want to have in common with you.  If I liked girls, I’d date Ellen Degeneres.
  3. Man boobs.  Never, ever should your breasts resemble your lady friend’s.  If you happen to be one of those gentlemen who grew mammaries overnight, at least cover them up by not wearing a silky shirt that emphasizes your newly swollen teets.  If you happen to pass by the mirror and turn yourself on with the tittays you see, it’s time to hit the gym.
  4. Pushing women out of the way to get on the subway/train, front of the line, etc. first.  Who are you?  Did you not have a mother?  Have a little bit of class.  Forget what ya heard, chivalry is not dead.
  5. Arnold Schwarzenegger.  You, my friend, have now joined the ranks of Jesse James and Tiger Woods.  Congrats.  Oh, and by the way, Jesse – all men do not cheat.
  6. Cat calls.  Um, how’s your ROI been on those?  Remember this little experiment?
  7. Tank tops.  They aren’t meant for you.  I don’t care if you are some cutie patootie with nice triceps.  You still have armpit hair.  And furthermore, by you wearing that tank top, you’re sending the message to other men (probably the ones who have no business wearing one) that it is, in fact, fine to flaunt the fat.
  8. Belching, farting, scratching.  We get it.  These things happen.  The body must function as it will– not at its will.  Thing is- we don’t need to know you do it.  Just like women never poop.  Some secrets are meant to be kept.
  9. Bromances.  It’s nice to have friends.  We love our girls’ nights too.  However, dating (aka taking care of) one guy is hard enough.  Don’t make me babysit your bestie too.
  10. “No” means “no.” This may be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes… we’re just not interested.  Calling us a “bitch” or “fat heifer” just cause we shot you down isn’t going to get you very far.  All it does is solidify what a douchebag you are.

xx,

WhyDid

 

Why Did You Wear That: Home on the Range

By |February 24th, 2011|Somethin for the fellas|

I realize that I give the Hollywood starlets a lot of crap for going out in public in their crazy get ups, so I figured it was high time to level the playing field and turn the tables on the boys.  After all, fellas are perfectly prone to fashion eff ups as well.

Speaking of which, here is the oh so handsome Mr. Moore Ashton Kutcher proving just how susceptible men are to fashion flubs (click here to see more variants):

Yikes!  With an outfit like that, I’m not sure I’d want to be his friend… let alone his friend with benefits.  Wait… wrong movie.  Anyway, I’m a little surprised the always elegant, always divine Demi Moore would let her boy toy leave the house looking like a ranch hand.  I get that Ashton is a little quirky, but this is more along the lines of dorky.  Rule number one for every man out there: just say “NO” to khakis.  If he was going to go with such a bold blanket jacket, he would have been better off pairing it with dark denim and a plain white T-shirt.  That actually might have looked pretty cool.

Instead, he looks like he just wrestled a buffalo (and lost).  Better luck next time, Ashton, but this time you’ve been Punk’d.

 

xx,

WhyDid

Photos via The Superficial

WhyDid’s Gift Guide: What a Girl Wants

By |December 18th, 2010|Gift Guide, Somethin for the fellas|

I do not envy men during the holidays… unless, of course, your gf/wife/sig other is a WhyDid reader cause she knows what to buy you. Shopping for your lady is no small feat. I’ve suggested presents year after year and told you what not to even think about buying (perfume, scarves, gift cards).   In tradition, here are more gifts that are sure to delight even the most finicky female.

Christian Louboutin Sexy Sling Glittered Stiletto, $595

Roberto Coin Heart Medallion, $580

Elizabeth and James Fairfax Limited Edition 24K Gold Sunglasses, $375

Fleur of England Keepsake Silk and Lace Backless Kimono, $268.44

Clarisonic Skincare Brush (Limited Edition Pink), $195

Nixon Time Teller P Watch, $60

xx,

WhyDid

 

 

Somethin’ for the Fellas: No Chinos in the Champagne Room

By |September 29th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Why Did You Wear That?|

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After strolling into one of my favorite go to neighborhood spots with my newly single and gorgeous friend last week, it became clear that the “crowd” had changed.  Gone were the typical older Europeans, men with strange mustaches, and cute 30 somethings.  Instead, there were tables of middle aged men in khakis.  We get it, you corporate guys like trendy places with pretty girls.  And we are happy to smile and thank you for the drinks you sent over.  However, do us a favor, try not to look so corporate.  Below are a few style tips for you fellas from my lady friends:

  • Please do not wear pleated front khakis (chinos). Ever. You should not own any pants that have a Docker’s label. And IF you INSIST on wearing them, or someone has mysteriously stolen all of your other pants, do NOT pair your chinos with a blue button down. Blockbuster anyone?

Dockers

  • Do not attach your cell phone to the outside of your pants in one of those awful “holsters.”  That’s what pockets are for.

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  • While you’re at it, remove the blue tooth from your ear. Who are you? Spock?

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  • Carrying a backpack is also unacceptable.  We are no longer in 5th grade. Take a note from those Euros and get a nice man purse.

NO:

IMG_9600YES:

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  • Shoes matter.  A woman can size you up in less than thirty seconds merely by glancing at your feet. Sad, but true.  I’m not saying you have to have the new Gucci loafers, but I am saying those clunky lace ups have GOT to go.

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  • Don’t be douchey.  So many times I have seen men be nasty to pretty girls because they feel intimidated.  Just be kind and don’t take it personally if she tells you she “has a boyfriend.”  Being nice and funny can go a long way (even if you’re wearing chinos).

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Please and Thank You.

By |December 23rd, 2008|Somethin for the fellas, WhyDid Wisdom|

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It has come to my attention that people are incredibly… rude.

When did it become acceptable to not say, “please” or “thank you” or heaven forbid, hold the door for someone?

Maybe I’m just lucky because my parents raised me incredibly well, but I kind of think some of these tidbits of etiquette are just common sense, no? Perhaps you don’t know which fork goes with which course at dinner, but I bet you know to say “god bless you” after someone sneezes.

Do men no longer know that they should offer women their seat on the train rather than knocking them out of the way so they can sit their lazy butt down? We are wearing heels! And we carry heavy handbags! When is the last time you saw someone offer a pregnant woman their seat? A gentleman would let a lady take the first taxi, not curse her out for merely being on the same corner hailing a cab.

Manners go a long way in my book. Here are a few more pointers to keep in mind:

  • Cover your mouth when you cough, sneeze, or yawn. No one wants to see your molars.
  • Do not blow your nose in public. That’s just disgusting. Excuse yourself to the bathroom.
  • Be polite to waiters/waitresses and other service industry employees. They deserve the same respect as you.
  • Wash your hands after you use the restroom. This goes for you too, guys. Just because no one is watching doesn’t mean it’s okay to spread illness.
  • Don’t play “chicken” on the street. It’s okay to step to the side if someone is walking towards you on the street. Are you really in that big of a hurry? (Someone DESPERATELY needs to write a book on “Sidewalk Etiquette” by the way).
  • Save personal grooming for home. Ugh! I literally was sitting next to someone cleaning the gunk from under their nails today on the train. I nearly died.
  • Contain your children! Kids are cute and all, but goodness, keep them under control. Just because they’re small doesn’t mean they can run wild.
  • Don’t  use your phone at dinner. It’s so rude. How often do you see a table full of people ALL using their cell phones? Why did you even bother going to dinner with your friends if they are so boring you need to talk to someone else?
  • Don’t let the elevator doors slam on someone. I mean, really, is that extra 2 seconds of holding the door for someone to get on going to kill you?

So “please” try and keep these simple things in mind.  I swear, by making minor adjustments to your manners, you will notice a change in others. “Thank you.”

xx,

WhyDid