I hate when critics are too kind to celebrities just because they like them. I get it, she’s America’s sweetheart- blah, blah, blah- but that’s no reason not to tell her her dress is ugly. That’s like not telling your best friend she has spinach in her teeth! Don’t worry, I promise to hold nothing back.

So let’s start off on a good note:

 I think we are all loving Ann Hathaway in this Azzaro dress. It’s classic yet contemporary at the same time. It looks great on her skin and she kept her accessories simple. My only complaint is her hair. I think in a beautiful goddess dress like this, a messy updo would have made the look complete. The neck is high and all that hair resting on the jeweled neckline makes me claustrophobic and takes away from the detail of the dress.

Ugly Betty? More like Ugly Dress.  Here is America Ferrera in Vera Wang.  This dress does nothing for me. As a matter of fact, I’m slipping into a coma as I look at it. No one should ever wear fleshy colored fabric like this. She just looks like a dirty band-aid. Not to mention her hair and makeup are on the verge of Elvira-ish. Next!

Ugh! I am SO sick of “Brangelina.” They do nothing for me.  I used to think that Angelina was so hot, but lately, I’m starting to wonder if she’s an alien. For a 34 year old young woman, she seems so much older. She no longer appears to have any sort of emotion, let alone any facial expressions.  I’m over them- and her muu-muu. 

I adore Christina Applegate and she’s had a hell of a year. I’m happy to see that women are still wearing color during this tough economic climate, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.  The color is really beautiful and it actually is a great color for Ms. Applegate, but there is just too much fabric. It is just not flattering on her. Not to mention, she is too short to pull off this much dress. On a brighter note, her hair looks great and her bag is divine… could have done without the necklace though. (She’s wearing Emanuel Ungaro, by the way).

Oh Emily… Why? Here is Emily Blunt in Pamella Roland.  It fits her like a glove, I’ll give her that, but I just feel like the whole sequin movement is so dated.  She looks like a Cher backup dancer. The color does nothing for her skin tone and it kind of looks like she gave up as far as hair and makeup goes after putting on that dress (which I’m sure was no small feat). I don’t think this is anything that Pam from The Office would wear. Just saying…

Evan Rachel Wood donned Monique Lhullier on the red carpet. A lot of people thought she played it safe in this and while the dress is quite simple, she didn’t have a lot of choice with that hair color. I think she chose wisely on the color of her dress, but I am horrified by the matching purple bag and purple shoes. Also, with such a strong hair color, I would have toned down the tranny makeup just a wee bit.

Typically, I am a HUGE Jenny Packham fan.  However, this is just a mango mess.  Eva Longoria is about 5′1 on a good day. This is so much dress for such a little person.  Honestly, the dress actually looks like a bad 1950’s prom dress. Then she topped it off with a true “updo.”  The dress is too fussy and the hair is too fussy.  Not to mention, this color on Eva only enhances her “enhanced” tan. 

Here is Slumdog Millionaire’s Freida Pinto in Marchesa. She looks absolutely stunning. It is the perfect color for her skin and her hair style flatters the style of the dress.  Good work, Freida. I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ll see of you.

My winner for the evening by far, was Kate Winslet. Wearing Narcisco Rodriguez, she looked breathtaking. The color is perfect for her and the dress fits her like her own skin. It hugged her curves in all the right places. She looks elegant and sophisticated.  She hasn’t looked this good since that sexy spread in Vanity Fair.

I’m just throwing this in for sheer entertainment purposes. Here’s Nicolette Sheridan in Roberto Cavalli.  I mean, I don’t think there’s much I have to say. The pose is genius. She looks like she’s auditioning for Splash 2.

My favorite part of Benjamin Button was Taraji P. Henson.  Here she is in Herve Leroux.  This is how white is supposed to be worn.  She looks absolutely flawless.  Simple and chic. I hardly recognized her not dressed as Benjamin Button counterpart. I can’t lie, I’m kind of obsessed with this dress.

And this is how white should not be worn.  I want to love Terri Hatcher because people give her such a hard time (plus I remember her as Lois on Lois and Clark) but she always manages to do something to ruin it. This Monique Lhullier contraption is simply a pile of fabric. Terri looks like a big ol’ cream puff. The dress is not flattering nor age appropriate (sorry, Terri… you are  in the cougar range). Oh, and her hair also somewhat resembles that of George Washington.

So there you have it. The good, the bad, and mostly the ugly.  Until next time…

xx,

WhyDid 

Today is a big day for you. Congratulations to you and your family.  You’ve got some serious responsibilities now. Not only will you need to be there to support the most powerful man in the United States, but you are now permanantly in the public eye…. Whether you like it or not.  So as you know, this means everything you wear will be scrutinized by the general population.

A few things I can already tell you like:

• color
• belts
• cardigans
• khaki pants

I give you a lot of credit for wearing color. You’ve already sported purple, orange, red, lime green, and turquoise. All of these colors are wonderful with your complexion, however, I think we need to work on figuring out the shapes that work on your body. Like many women, you are fuller through the hips than you are up top (pear shaped). Since this is a common problem, it’s also easy to fix. 

I love that you are going belt crazy to give some definition to that waist of yours, but you also need to balance out the top with the bottom. Try wearing a darker color on the bottom and a bright color on top. A black pencil skirt with a bright full top would look wonderful on you. I can see where you were trying to go with this outfit:

However, it didn’t quite work. There is just a little too much going on here.  You were on the right path though. The full top takes the emphasis off of the hip area and brings the focus up to that big white smile.

Again, I love your willingness to try color. This particular color is very difficult to wear, but you pulled it off.  The problem is, it’s just TOO much of the same color.  Wearing a ton of one single color just makes you appear larger. Try mixing in neutrals with brights. It’s much less abrasive and again will make you appear thinner. This would have been a perfect time to try the black skirt and pop of color to brighten your face. And while you’re at it, show off some clavicle, girl! Don’t be so buttoned up!

Oh, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle! Why did you have to go and do it? First Beyonce, now you? Don’t you know my feelings on leggings? Granted, you are not wearing leggings as pants, but this is not a situation where the leggings are working for you. Lose the cardigan and ditch the shoes for heels or wedges and this may have been a better look for you. I know the whole “pant suit” thing gets old and we all appreciate your trying to stay hip and relatable, but this didn’t quite hit the mark.

I do not really understand this outfit. Is it a shirt dress? A trench coat? Either way, khaki is not the strongest color for you, which is why, again I suggest mixing the brights and neutrals.

Now, I know that you are probably being approached by tons of designers to wear their creations now that you are the country’s new “it” girl, but this was a miss. This Narcisco Rodriguez was tough to look at on the runway on a 10lb supermodel. The dress was not meant to be worn by a real woman.  Not to mention…. again with the cardigan?? IF this dress was going to be pulled off, you would HAVE to ditch the cardigan and strap on some mile high heels. Even then….

Now THIS  I love. It is a wonderful look for you.  The full skirt is so flattering and if you insist on wearing a cardigan, tied around your shoulders like this is precious. You truly look like a mom’s apple pie all-American woman. It is classic yet modern and fun. You even look like you’re having fun wearing it.

So to summarize:

• as a New Yorker, I’m ecstatic to see you embracing color
• lay off the cardigans. I’m sure convention halls get chilly, but try a wrap or long sleeves instead.
• the belts can work, but try and break up solid blocks of color by mixing brights and neutrals.
• Thank you for not being queen of the pantsuit
• keep smiling. That’s the perfect accessory for every outfit.

I hope this will prove to be helpful the next time you are trying to get dressed. Perhaps it will take some of the pressure off.  Then you can stress more about what kind of dog the family will get than what shoes to wear. (Might I suggest a Maltipoo?)

xx,

WhyDid