So, I’ve been spending a lot of time at the gym lately (you try watching yourself getting spray tanned in a bikini and tell me how you feel) and I have made quite a few startling observations. One being that most people look really funny running on the treadmill. Another being that people wear incredibly bizarre things to work out.

The other day, I spotted some serious cougars wearing cleavage baring tank tops and walking on the treadmills. I mean, this is not a bar or a pick up joint, ladies. I’m here to get my cardio on. That would require me strapping my two best girls down as to not look like a Baywatch re-run. Sports bras, not your push up bra, should always be worn. They help fight gravity and they will wick away the moisture (ladies don’t sweat, we glisten) rather than soak it up like the padding in your bra.

The gym is also where the thin line between appropriate and inappropriate legging wear is dangerously thin. I, myself, have been known to wear leggings to the gym (I KNOW!!). So what makes it okay and not okay? Well, they should basically ALWAYS be black. White is an absolute NO. You can see every dimple of cellulite. Heather grey will show every speck of sweat… er, glisten. So just stick with the tried and true. Now let’s address that cameltoe.  It’s basically inevitable, but luckily, my girls at Bye Bye Lines have created all types of things (panties, liners, and pants) to fight that frontal wedgie. Crisis averted.

I’m also baffled by the girls who come with a full face of make up to the gym. Go ahead and add this to my list of pet peeves. I mean, I get that some people are coming from work and may have a little bit on, but full on photoshoot style makeup?  I hope they realize that this is TERRIBLE for your skin! All that sweat and makeup is adult acne waiting to happen! Let your skin breathe! If you are coming from work or somewhere that required makeup, tuck some face wipes in your gym bag and get the gunk off pre workout.

I like to do double duty while at the gym. Meaning I will slather on some deep conditioner in my hair and braid it. That way, when I shower after the gym, I will not only have toned glutes, but also luscious locks. Smarter than I look, people.

Here are some examples of cute gym gear. Just cause you’re working out doesn’t mean you can’t work it:

VSX Body Wick seamleass sports bra, $22

C9 by Champion racerback tank, $14.99

Bye Bye Lines (The ladies who brought you Kamelflage and Cammel Ammo) Leggings, $38

Reebok Easytone Trend, $109.99

lululemon Sway jacket, $128

So hit the gym and get that heart rate up. Summer and short shorts are just around the corner. And fellas, cut a girl a break. PLEASE, don’t try and talk to us while we are mid stride. We’re actually trying to get in shape. You can chat us up over a smoothie later.

xx,

WhyDid

Well, good news. I’m going to blog about it again.  The ladies of Kamelflage have re-branded and are now going by the name of “CamelAmmo.” Yes, I’m for serious. No, I don’t know how they keep coming up with these names. I would like to think that it was after a few too many glasses of rose, but I think we’ll have to ask them about it.

CamelAmmo is patent pending and is intended for fighting the “frontal wedgie.” These little panty partners are to be inserted in the front lining of your undies, like so:

Now, the ladies of CamelAmmo insist that now you can “size down” but I still stand firm that if you are getting wrinkles in the crotch or any other area, you’re in the wrong size. I had a wonderful sewing teacher in college (yes, I was required to complete an entire course on learning to sew) who always said, “Wrinkles point to the problem area.” Words to live by, ladies.  

I personally, have not tried these little guys out, so I’m not sure how effective they are, but I think in the case of leggings, which by the way, still are not pants, they could be pretty helpful.  Hey, Miss Marshall, these might be a good investment for you.

You can now visit their website (www.camelammo.com) and purchase your very own CamelAmmo.

xx

WhyDid

 Wearing: blouse- Club Monaco, shorts- The Limited, cardigan- vintage, gold lurex belt- vintage (courtesy of her mother, Becky Marshall- thanks, mom!)

Wearing:dashiki- Emanuel Ungaro (courtesy of one of her bff’s), wooden bangle- vintage (see, mixing designer with vintage is so chic).

Name: Krystal Marshall

Occupation: Actor

Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia

If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and your bag was only big enough for 3 items, what would they be:

1. A machete, which I would use to cut down trees to make a shelter, and then cut apart the bag (that the machete came in) to make a fierce leather swimsuit.
2. A value size container of Aleve… because cramps will follow you anywhere- even a deserted island.
3. A Venus razor.  I’d take apart the four razor blades and attach one to the end of a stick so I could spear fish, one to a smaller stick so I could chop fruit, one I’d use for beauty (i.e., shaving my legs/bikini area, arching my brows, and cutting split ends), and the last one is for emergencies. Like, in case I have to kill myself.  

Favorite beauty product: Origins “Never a Dull Moment” exfoliating scrub, Rembrandt whitening trays

Style icon: MK Olsen

This summer, I can’t wait to wear: Rompers, jumpsuits, halters, and linen

Style tip for all the fashion degenerates: “Less is more.”  Oh, and if you think you look fat in something, chances are you probably do.

Best splurge (it was worth every penny): Marc Jacobs double breasted military coat

Trend you’d like to see die: Peep toe booties

Currently coveting:Erin Wasson’s wardrobe, body, and life.

Fun Fact:I plan to single handedly bring back full bottom underwear. I’m sick and tired of bikini briefs being shoved to the back of the drawer and only worn you-know-when. Enough!

Biggest personal fashion flop:At times, my cameltoe can be offensive.

Well, Miss Marshall, with those looks and all that spunk, I get the feeling we will be seeing a lot more of your face.  (And we’re pretty happy about that).

xx,

WhyDid

I love starting my week off with brilliant discoveries.  Yesterday, I was lucky enough to meet a couple of lovely young women who have come up with a very interesting new product.  Their product is called Kamelflage (use your imagination).

After witnessing one too many “frontal wedgies,” Treger Strasberg and Loren Weiner sprung into action.  They created an insert for your underpants that slips into the inside lining that will prevent your panties from getting in a bunch. 

I can’t decide whether this is genius or gross? 

• Frontal wedgies are caused by ill fitting pants. Size up, ladies. (Yet another reason why leggings should not be worn as pants).
• Okay, now you don’t have cameltoe, but instead you have a bulge in your pants.
• Are that many people suffering from frontal wedgies? This might be a whole other concern.

Either way, you can check Kamelflage out yourself: http://www.kamelflage.com/

And an ode to an old classic by Fanny Pack.

xx,

WhyDid

I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the field of swimwear and I feel that many women don’t know what kind of bathing suits actually  look good on them, which totally frustrates me. Plus, I do realize that for some (okay most of us) bathing suit shopping can be somewhat traumatic.  Especially after hibernating all winter long. So here are a few guidelines to keep in mind while shopping for this season’s swimsuit:

• The most common and most annoying mistake women make is thinking that just because they have a bigger booty, they need to wear bigger bottoms (i.e. more fabric, more coverage).  Ehhh!! You are so wrong.  Guess what more fabric does to your butt?  Emphasizes how big it is.  Ever notice how Brazilian women always look amazing in their bikinis?  Their bikini bottoms are cut smaller making their bottoms look smaller.  (Yes, Brazilian women are hot and live on the beach so they know the tricks of the trade). So do not, I repeat, do not go out and grab the biggest pair of bottoms you see in order to cover your rump.  You are only calling more attention to the area you are trying to disguise. (Not to mention you will give yourself a case of what my BFF and I so lovingly refer to as “LA” (Long Ass)).

Here is a smaller cut bikini by Tibi, $190.

• You need to pick the right kind of top for your chest.  We all love having a strapless or bandeau top to avoid the strap lines, but these are only good for ladies with smaller chests.  There is no support for a big chest and in many cases will give you uni-boob.  Triangles tend to be good for most chest sizes except for the extremely large chests.  You can achieve a similar look as a triangle top if you are big busted by doing a halter top.  There is much more support for the “girls.” 

 This is a great top option for women with bigger busts.  It is cute and still has the support of an underwire without looking like a bra.  Zimmerman Sandy Dot Bikini, $198.

This is a great two piece from Vix ($74 for top, $74 for bottom)because it allows you to adjust the hardware on the bikini top for different chest sizes. This style is a best seller and they have it on the line every year in different colors.

For those with smaller chests, adding ruffles on the bust will make your cha-cha’s appear larger. Try this bikini by Kushcush, $130.

• One pieces are very tricky.  I have noticed there are two types of one piece bathing suits- the one piece that is cut out in 50 different places and skimpier than a bikini (a la Tila Tequila) and the one piece that is actually meant for someone who wants some coverage. **NOTE: One pieces shouldn’t be worn by those with really long torsos (can you say, “cameltoe?”). 

This is a great one piece for a woman who actually wants coverage. Gives a little cleavage, but covers the tummy and potential “muffin top” in the back.  Silence and Noise Deep V Bathing Suit, $98

And because you know how I feel about fringe, here is another cute option for a one piece if you’re looking for a little more coverage. L*Space One Love Bathing Suit, $135.

• The fit of the bottom is crucial!  I am obsessed with bikinis and have tried my fair share on.  The way that the bottoms of bikinis are made will really make a difference in the fit.  For example, if there is too much elastic in the leg openings it will give you “double butt” and if there is too much elastic in the waistband, you will get “back fat” even if you are teeny tiny.  I’m a small girl, mind you, and even I have experienced both of these when a bathing suit is ill fitted.  Though most people think of side tie bathing suits (or string bikinis) as less covering, they are actually the most flattering because you can adjust the size of the bikini to fit you better.  This immediately cuts down on the double butt and back fat.  A bathing suit bottom should lay over your booty, not squeeze it.  Look for soft waistbands and stretch the bikini to see if it has enough give before trying it on. 

Vitamin A is my go to swimwear brand.  The fit is amazing and the tops and bottoms are sold as separates so you can get an exact fit for top and bottom as well as mix and match your suits.  Here is a great bikini by Vitamin A for $159.90.

• Boy short bikinis look good on no one except for that freaky .0257% of supermodels.  Do not try this look at home.  You will decrease your leg length by at least 25%.  Leave the boy shorts for your 10 year old niece. 

There is nothing worse than dressing room mirrors and fluorescent lighting to expose the flaws we have been hiding under our jeans and sweaters all winter, so hopefully these helpful tips will make bathing suit shopping less painful this year. (Hey, on the bright side we are in a recession so you probably won’t be going on as many vacations as last year).

xx,

WhyDid

A lot of women seem to be getting dressed for other women. Which is fine, I guess. I would just think that when a woman spends 3.5 hours primping in front of the mirror, it would be to impress, perhaps, a man. Call me crazy, but when I go to work (which consists of all women and a few fantastic gay men- I work in fashion, remember?) I roll in wearing clothes that look good, but are comfortable and still somewhat stylish. I can guarantee that I am NOT looking fresh off the runway though.  This would actually be the perfect time for me to don my open toe booties and latex leggings cause the girls in the office might actually care… but I’ll pass.

However, when I have a hot date with my man, I pull out all the stops- however, this does not include my latest and greatest trendy fashion finds. You see, men don’t notice your “this season” Gucci booties, or your brand new Balenciaga bag. They are looking at you. All of that hoopla is lost on them and they probably think it’s a little ridiculous. If your man does care about your outfit and its fashion expiration date, you may want to take your “gay-dar” in for a tune up.

Don’t believe me? Below are some of the current “trends” (which my girlfriends have already so lovingly commented on) and my very manly guy friends’ responses to them.

Jiggawatz:

“Boyfriend jeans – So girls want to wear loose fitting, beat up jeans?  Maybe these boyfriend jean lovers should start changing the oil in their cars, doing yardwork, or working construction.  My advice, skip the boyfriend jeans, and wear a new pair of raw jeans APC, Jean Shop, or Nudie for a year before their first wash.  The end result will be much, much better than anything you can buy.

I reckon you’re right, they’re not dressing for their men; those photos are doing a hell of a job in turning me gay. ”

DB:

“My thoughts on those “trends”

If women want to wear men’s jeans, it’s ok if you’re throwing them on to get the door, not in public.  It looks like pegging is trying to make a comeback.  I really don’t like the leggings look.  It looks more like under armor for women.  I hear weasel is going to be big this spring. 

That’s my thoughts.”

ARS:

“Oh my. Where to begin?

1st picture: The first woman has entirely too much going on, and if you’re going to try to look all comfy and casual, you might want to skip the heels with eleventy thousand straps. The second woman looks reasonable, in an “I don’t really care what I look like” sort of way and is at least wearing shoes that make some sort of sense with the rest of her clothes. As for the woman in the middle- her dog looks like he’d rather not be seen in public with her. I can’t blame him. The fourth woman is demonstrating a fundamental truth of the universe: polo shirts look ridiculous tucked into jeans. Again with the fancy shoes, too. And the young lady to the far right? There is so much going on there that the jeans are the least of her problems- in fact, they kinda look right with the boots and the tusk and the whatever the hell she’s wearing around her shoulders..
Bottom line: comfy jeans are cool. Jeans don’t have to be skin-tight on a woman to look nice. However, wearing jeans that look like something you’d paint your house in along with a pair of 4″ heels with a dozen straps and buckles just doesn’t make sense.

2nd picture: These just look absurd. The only circumstances I can imagine where they’re not totally preposterous would be on a dominatrix, as part of the costumes for a science fiction movie, or on whoever plays Catwoman in the next DC Comics film.

3rd picture: Um, wow. Speaking of cat woman… The dress on the far right isn’t totally atrocious, but it would probably look better, as a dress, if it wasn’t leopard print. As for the woman in the middle- I thought leopards were sleek, lithe, athletic creatures?

4th picture: Yikes. Just in case leopard print wasn’t trashy enough for you…. I guess if you’ve got a body where you can pull something like this off, knock yourself out. Just don’t be surprised when somebody expects you to jump out of a giant birthday cake or, in the case of the example to the far right, if a man calling himself Upgrayedd (with two d’s for a double dose of his pimpin’) starts asking you where his money is.

Why do women do these things? Do they have any idea how utterly silly they look?”

So, there you have it. Straight from the horse’s mouth. Instead of flipping out over being the trendiest most stylish girl ever, why not spend a little extra time putting on mascara or taking a soothing bath. Trends are lost on most men anyway and they’re probably more interested in how great you smell rather than what season your handbag is from.

xx,

WhyDid