Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I LOVE Me?

By |February 9th, 2010|Why In Gay Hell?|


So, there is a saying out there that we’ve all heard a million times. It goes something  like this, “How can you expect  anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?” The past couple of months I have been on a scavenger hunt for LOVE. I have been dating, and been having disastrous results (check out my last trainwreck) . Along with searching for love, I have also been trying to find the adult in myself. I can say that trying to find both of these things at the same time could be what is making the dating thing hard. I am really focused on my career, learning to manage my money, and getting my credit in order. I have been beating myself up a lot lately, because at 27 years of age I should already KNOW how to do this stuff , right? With that being said, part of me is embarrassed at where I am in my life. I feel like a school project that you waited til the last minute to throw together. The popsicle sticks  and glitter are falling off and the glue is barely dry. It’s not ready to be presented, but you present it anyway. If you couldn’t follow that analogy, the point I am trying to make is I don’t think I am presentable right now. I don’t think I have a lot to offer someone else. That is, unless, you like a disaster and then I’m your guy. This thinking is NOgood.  The main thing I am trying to drive home is I don’t like TJ lately (sad violin plays in the background) soo Why In Gay Hell am I dating? Well, I will tell you why. I like the  attention and validation that I get from a date, especially a first date because at that point it’s based on just physical attraction. It makes me feel good to know that someone thinks I am pretty. It also makes me feel good to know I can score a date when inside I feel like a tragedy. Sooo what do I do about this? How do I learn to LOVE me so that I can be truly open to loving someone else and have them love me back?

Well, I will tell you where I have decided to start: my appearance. I mean, part of loving yourself is loving the way you look, right? Soo with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, and me being single, I have decided to treat MYSELF to some services that cater to my vanity.  Here is a list of services I KNOW always help me like the way I look a little bit more….

  • Get my hair did. Color, Cut, Scalp Treatment:  I always feel great when leaving a salon and I think most people do. Suggestion for all girls in NYC- I work at the best salon in the West Village (and rated best new salon in AM New York), Ryan Darius Salon! I can guarantee if you come down and visit the fab Ryan Nickulas for your hair, you will def. leave loving yourself a LOT more.
  • Get a Mani/Pedi: Now, I am a fingernail aficionado (I do nails at Ryan Darius Salon, for a few Celebs, Fashion Shoots/Shows and TV) sooI know what a good mani/pedi looks like. I also know how good a girl feels after getting beautiful nails. Let’s also remember getting your hands and feet rubbed, I mean who doesnt love that?
  • Getting Skin Soft and Smooth:  I will be getting waxed and a facial. Eyebrows are important to me and when I look in the mirror, I see them so they need to look good. I mean, they are on my face. Also, in the waxing arena (and thank you to WhyDidYouWearThat) I will be getting a little waxing called the “Backdoor.” Being well groomed below the belt can def. step your confidence level up a notch. After leaving the wax room, I head over to get my skin glowing and to gain some mental peace and quiet during a facial.
  • Workin On My Fitness:  I am recommitting to the gym. I want the body I talk about having (this body I talk about resembles Sean Farisjust so ya know) and that means dedication. It also is good to set a goal and accomplish it because proving to yourself that you can accomplish things is another great way to start loving yourself. It’s like running a marathon (I am assuming because I don’t run. Why in Gay Hell would I?) When you finally cross the finish line, you are filled with a feeling that is undeniably amazing because YOU DID IT!

Now, I know from experience that yes, I am going to LOVEmyself a lot more after I get myself glammed up, but I do want to talk briefly about loving the “you inside” and not just  the “you outside.” I’ve also heard somewhere that it’s what’s inside that counts. I think the best way to start loving the “you inside” is to start by saying to yourself right now, “I am where I’m supposed to be.” For me, this starts by not comparing my life to anyone else’s (i.e She’s married soo I should be married. She drives a better car than mine. She makes twice the salary I do, etc.).  My path is my path,no one else’s. I have to be happy where I am today or it’s going to be a pretty miserable journey.

Lately I have been making “Gratitude” and “Accomplishment” lists. I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have in my life and I need to remind myself that I have done things I should be proud of. When you write it down on paper and look at it, it’s  a great feeling. It inspires me to keep pushing and taking the risks I need to. It’s also important to acknowledge your efforts.  Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want, but if you can say you put effort into it, remember that counts. Always give yourself an “A+” in effort. Last, but not least,  trust yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself as long as you put your heart in to it. A good relationship with yourself is like any other relationship you need TRUST to truly LOVE.

Now as far as Valentine’s Day, I am going to cut myself a break and I am not going to jump off the nearest bridge just because I am alone on the holiday of LOVE. Instead I am going to buy myself some of my fave flowers, (check out “Tough Love” to find out what flower that is), order a pizza from one of WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s suggestions, and have the best date with someone I am really happy to be getting to know….ME.

Happy V-day!



Why In Gay Hell Would You Pay For That?

By |February 3rd, 2010|Why Don't You Watch?, Why In Gay Hell?|

WhyInGayHell’s first “vlog” (video blog).  He’s even more amazing live.



Why In Gay Hell Would You Do That To Your Face?

By |January 19th, 2010|Why In Gay Hell?|

I am disgusted this week….Absolutely disgusted!! The lengths some people will go to in order to be famous are outta this world! I have decided to write a letter to one of these people to let them know of my disappointment with their behavior. It really is a shame and truly depressing that this poor girl is sooooo DESPERATE for attention and fame that she would do this.


Dear Heidi Montag,
I want to start by saying I am sooo sorry for you. I feel deep down in my soul that you are just a sad girl who obviously didn’t get enough love or attention at some point in your life that you feel compelled to behave the way you do. What you have done to your body is disheartening and the message it sends to young women out there is deplorable. I also think you should know that you went from being a beautiful young woman to looking like a 45 year old washed up tranny! I know this is harsh on your freshly pulled back ears, but I say it out of of kindness for I fear that you will not stop untill you look like Jocelyn Wildenstein. When reading your interview there were a few things that stuck out to me and I want to address them. Your ultimate dream, you say, is to be a pop star. Now, when I read this I wondered if you were smoking any hallucinogenic drugs. You have no talent in this arena. I would think that this would have been made clear after seeing yourself at the Miss Universe Pageant. Musical and dance talent would be requirements for this to be successful. It’s not just about looking the part, my dear girl. You have to walk the walk as well. And your walk is equivalent to a drunk sorority girl who just got gang banged, woke up in her own puke, and has a broken high heel. You also state that your body is just a shell and that God doesn’t care because it’s what is on the inside that counts. Tell me what is on the inside? I do agree that your body is a shell but that shell looks empty. I also know that God would not be happy with the message you are sending to girls out there. I think Emmy Rossum said it all:

“It upsets me to see young women in the spotlight advocating plastic surgery ,” Emmy writes, adding, “Any surgery is extremely dangerous and should not be taken lightly — much less, used as a tool to increase notoriety or popularity.” She continues, “By putting this on magazine covers, we are somehow legitimizing the dangerous lengths to which some will go for fame and ‘beauty.”  Rossum concludes, “There are so many real issues in this world that need attention. Let’s try to take a moment to be grateful we are alive.”

In closing, I really want you to consider apologizing to your family for being a LIAR. I can’t believe that you didn’t tell your Mom or Dad what you were doing. Again, what a bad message. You are blessed and lucky to come from a family that cares about you and it is shameful that they had to read about this in People Magazine. I mean, haven’t you put them through enough by marrying that douchebag, Spencer Pratt? Must you continue to hurt them? I mean, heaven forbid something went wrong. It’s not like you went in for a teeth cleaning. You went in for a 10 hour procedure. I would ask what you were thinking but after reading this, it’s CLEAR you don’t think at all. The biggest disappointment in all of this is they couldn’t give you a new brain because really,  that’s what you need!

Why In Gay Hell

Guest Post: Why in Gay Hell Didn’t I Run?

By |January 12th, 2010|Guest Blogger, Why In Gay Hell?|


If you have ever seen a train wreck or a car crash then you know how I felt this past Saturday night.  I actually can’t even believe I am going to write about it.  I know part of me has already tried to suppress it and would rather deal with it in ten years with a therapist,  however, I think after going through what I went through, I can now offer some strong advice on how to deal with this kind of situation. What in Gay Hell am I talking about? Dates from Hell!!!

It all started Saturday afternoon when I was contacted by a boy (and I mean a boy..not a man) who I met a couple of weeks ago while out with friends. I am not going to lie, I do think my “picker” is broken and I do always seem to go for the cocky douchebag tools (CDT).  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I like that they are cocky, arrogant, kinda rude and self involved. I believe I am attracted to them because I feel special, like I passed some mysterious test and these awful character flaws will never rear there ugly head in my direction. I am a fool for thinking this!!  I like to think I am soo great and cute that I could bring out the “knight in shining armor” in any boy….

Fact #1  If the guy is an ass in public, he will be an ass on a date. I am NOT sooo amazing that he will transform into a gentleman over night.

So,  Saturday afternoon after some flirtatious texting, I said “Yes” to dinner. I was picked up around 8:30 in a silver Mercedes SUV and we headed to an organic French bistro. So far,  sooo good,  right? I mean hot guy, great car and French food. Ooh la la.

On a first date, I believe that no one should get drunk. I mean, you want to present your best self, right? I order sparkling water, he proceeds to order a bottle of champagne for himself… YES, a bottle! We are not at a club hanging in VIP with P. Diddy  and we are not celebrating anything,sooo really? Now, like I said the first few interactions I had with him he was drunk, but he was out with friends and I excused it or blacked it out cause I couldn’t stop staring at his really cute face.

Fact #2 If walks like Duck.. Talks Like a Duck..it a Duck!!!  If he was drunk when you met him, he will prob get drunk on your date. Same goes if he is a tool, arrogant  or rude.

I know Fact #1 and #2 are similar but, this point needs to be driven home. I need this to be cemented into my head just like “leggings are not pants” has been.  I am just not that special that he is going to change just because he has invited me on a date. Now here is the trick to this fact…If he is a nice, polite, and/or funny, these are traits that will appear on your date, but Why In Gay Hell would I be attracted to nice when badalways looks sooo GOOD?!!

As the dinner went on and the champagne bottle was getting close to empty, he decides he wants to talk about how much he loves to drink saying, “I mean, I have to drink. I loveto drink!!” Now, this was a red flag to me. Why are you sooo focused on the drinking and not getting to know me? I am then informed after dinner that we are going to continue the date by meeting up with some friends of his and then going to a club for some dancing.  This is where I should’ve said “goodnight” and rode off into the sunset on my unicorn- alone. Did I? Of course not!! I thought to myself,  How In Gay Hell could this get any worse?

Fact #3 If your gut tells you something, go with the feeling!If you feel like its time to say “goodbye” say “goodbye.” If something didn’t start well, it’s not going to end well.  If you were on a plane and you knew it was going down, would you stay on for the rest of the ride?  Hell NO! You would grab a parachute and jump for your life. I should’ve jumped!!

Wanting to see if it could get any worse, I went with him to a bar to meet his friends. It got worse!! I order a RedBull,  he orders a Jack on The Rocks (or three). He then asks me if I would mind driving his car home before we head to the club. This made me uncomfortable. I have never driven in the city and I knew this was actually his company car.  I  should’ve said “no” but I also didn’t want him to drive.  Against my gut, I said “Yes, I will drive your car.” I should honestly be slapped for my stupidity!! I mean, now I am the designated driver.  Are we even on a date anymore? What is goin on?

Fact #5 If the question pops into your head “Why In Gay Hell am I still on this date?”..End it ASAP!!  At this point, I was not having fun.  I was staying now to make sure he was delivered home in safe condition. Not my job. I also have heard of other girls having the feeling they should stay on a date because they feel guilty since he paid for dinner. The bottom line is: if it’s over in your head, end it for real. Do not put yourself through any more torture like I did. There are soo many ways out including, but not limited to:
-family emergency
-falling ill

-your pet parrot needs its meds
-you have to check the freshness dates on your dairy products.

Whatever the excuse, use it and leave. Do not subject yourself to torture because of any guilty feeling.

In the end, I finally got a ride home where he rambled on about politics (UGHHH! Who talks politics or religion on a first date?)  Where was he raised? I am not joking.  Mind you, I informed him I only know three things about politics- Barack is president, Joe Biden is XP, and Michelle should stop wearing sleeveless dresses.

After all this, I escaped. I RAN all the way back to Brooklyn where I slept like a baby. When I awoke in the morning, I chuckled to myself and thought what a great story I have to tell to all my girlfriends. Why in Gay Hell wouldn’t they find this amusing?



Why in Gay Hell Wouldn’t I Save My Dollars?

By |January 5th, 2010|Why In Gay Hell?|


A new decade,  a new day.  I have been reflecting a lot and trying to look inside…shoot me , right? As I take this journey into becoming an adult, one of the things I am seeing that is consistent is “adults” save money. I have no idea how to do this…Why in Gay Hell would I? I am a Frivolous  Fag, when I should be a Frugal Fag. I was not born a blue-blood nor does the country I am prince of actually exist . It has been difficult moving to New York (yes I am a new New Yorker) and trying to save money.  I mean, there are parties, dinners, clothes etc.  I am a social butterfly who, wanting to present myself correctly, has an admitted shopping problem. What is a Girl to do?
As I said last week (you should be caught up..hello), change does not happen over night and I am fully aware that saving money (al least for me) is going to take some practice and rational thinking. Rational thinking is such a disgusting thought and again,  soooo adult that I cant stomach it.  However, if I want to have a finically secure future I better start getting used to this thought process.

Well, I will tell you where I’m going to start, by second guessing every purchase.  It is very tragic that it has come to this, but again I don’t have a money tree growing in my Brooklyn apartment. I have decided to evaluate every purchase with three questions

  1. Do I NEED it? Of course, I am dramatic so when I see something I want I immediately think OMG I NEED this when in reality I just want it really bad. There is a difference between Needing and Wanting and not everything I want is something I need. I mean I want the new Louis Vuitton Graffiti sneakers but do I need them? Prob not.
  2. Can I find it cheaper? Now, this one is difficult because I am lazy and this step requires work.  I don’t want to bargain hunt. The truth of the matter is with online resources you really always can find the look for less with out a lot of work.
  3. Is it worth it?  What I mean by this is, “Will the purchase be worth what I am paying?”  Say I bought those very trendy sneakers, in reality I would wear them maybe three times before I became sick of them soo are they worth the $900 dollars? How in Gay Hell Could they Be? What I also mean by this is, “Do I want to have to stress about my rent towards the end of the month because I decided to eat out everynight? Is it worth it to be crying in my room and rolling pennyies as to not be evicted?”

I am actually finding that the thrill of discovering something for cheaper is a little exhilarating. Now am I goin to go around bragging about how cheap the things I found are?  Why In Gay Hell Would I? I am going to wear these things with pride and like each one of them cost me a  million dollars!

I am also going to seriously consider, buying food for my apartment. WHAT A  CONCEPT?  I do not need to eat out every night of the week. I am going to look at a night out to dinner as a luxury. I am going to start bringing my lunch to work instead of delivery everyday. I have heard that this will save me a ton of money.  Go figure! I am also going to be skipping my daily Dunkin Donuts fix (I am sooo Massachusettes- sorry Starbucks!) and instead I will be brewing my own coffee at home and investing in a very stylish travel coffee mug. Now the real question is How in Gay Hell Do I Operate a Coffee Maker?




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