A few months ago while scrolling through my Twitter feed (gotta stay up on my news), I laughed out loud when I saw the headline that read, “How To Get a Guy: Talk About Technology!”  I couldn’t help but click the link to see what kind of ridiculous dating advice awaited me.  As expected, the article was a bunch of mumbo jumbo garbage encouraging women to “trick” men into liking them based on lies– or as I like to call it, “False Advertising.”  This hard hitting journalistic gem classified “technology” as an iPad2.  That, in and of itself, proved to me that this young lady had no idea what she was talking about.

Basically, this article– and many others like it– suggest that by feigning interest in something men like to do will most definitely land you a man.  So put down that crochet needle, sweet pea.  It’s best you start tossing around the pigskin instead.  It doesn’t matter what YOU like to do.  It’s much more important to fake a hobby to reel in a real catch!

Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying– you should always be open to trying new things and accepting new opportunities.  Variety is the spice of life.   I’m just saying that there’s no need to fake a “hobby” or interest in something that you have not even the slightest inkling to try.  When I hear girls dishing about how much they LOVE football (or whichever applicable sport) and can’t get enough of Back to the Future (or whichever nerdy boy flick), I roll my eyes and internally groan.  I do it for them as well as myself… cause now guys actually think there are some girls out there who love this crap.  And you know what will eventually happen?  It will all blow up in your face when he realizes that you’ve been faking the funk with your model airplane fetish.

There’s nothing wrong with having separate interests.  A good guy will be happy and even encourage you to have your own interests and you should humor his.  For instance, I’m not what you would call a winter sports kinda gal.  I don’t like the cold and no one has ever accused me of being an “athlete.”  So, when you ‘re finished speeding down the bunny slopes, I’ll meet you in the lodge– where I’ll be getting a foot rub and indulging in a marshmallow topped hot cocoa.

So, despite my above argument, would you fake a hobby to impress a guy?

Take Our Poll

xx,

WhyDid

Photo via Bimmerfest

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You know that saying, “those who can’t do teach”?  Yeah, well, often times that’s me.  I tend to have a very level head when it comes to my friends’ and loved ones’ problems… yet, when it comes to my own… well, let’s not go there.  But the point is, I love to help out where I can.  Sometimes all you need is a fresh perspective or different point of view in order to sort things out.  That’s where I come in.  This week, we have a little bit of a glitch in the domestic bliss:

Dear WhyDid,

My boyfriend has really started to take me for granted.  I do so much for him and initially I did it because I wanted to, but now it feels like he just expects it.  We live together and I do the dishes, the laundry, make dinner.  I’m your regular 50′s housewife– except I work too!  I don’t need him to thank me on a daily basis (although that would be nice), but showing a little bit of appreciation from time to time wouldn’t hurt.  How do I let him know that this house doesn’t clean itself without coming off as a lunatic?

love,

Desperate Housewife

Well, here’s my advice and it’s quite simple.  Don’t. Do. Anything.  Literally.  Stop doing everything that you’ve been doing to make his life better, simpler, more cushy.  He’ll notice.  And he’ll notice fast.  It’s a funny thing with guys.  They can’t seem to muster up a “thank you” when all’s running smoothly, but the moment something’s awry they have plenty to say.  When he does speak up, do not turn this into World War III.  Use it as an opening to let him know that you feel a little bit underappreciated.

He’s not a bum because he started getting comfortable with your domestic expertise.  Relationships change with time.  People get used to things and can forget what life was like pre-you (aka awful).  While we’re on the subject, let’s flip things around.  When’s the last time you dolled yourself up and greeted him at the door?  Do you sleep in sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt?  Women are also guilty of getting comfortable.  Don’t worry, your relationship isn’t headed for the rocks.  This is just a gentle reminder that you need to let each other know how much you appreciate one another and that you may need to crank the heat back up.

Sometimes it’s what you don’t say.

Need a little WhyDid Wisdom?  Send your questions here.

xx,

WhyDid

Image via Apples and Onions

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By now, it should be clear how much I enjoy Sex and the City (SATC).  Not really because it is soooo accurate (cause it kind of isn’t), but because it is so very well written and there’s a lot of great shoes.  Plus, what girl doesn’t like to commiserate with others about those dogs we called men who ruined our lives?  I could watch old episodes over and over and over… and as a matter of fact thanks to our bizarrely programmed HD cable box, I get to watch it on both east and west coast timezones (booyah).  And yes, that is just what I did yesterday.  All five of the last episodes were on (that’s three hours, kids) and I watched them all.  Twice.

I love so many things about the show.  I love that it’s shot in New York and not some stupid soundstage in LA. I love the witty banter and the situations that so many of us can relate to.  There is, however, one thing that I do not love.  His name is Mr. Big.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Mr. Big as a character.  He could charm the knickers off a nun.  What I do not love is what he represents.  He is that one guy that every girl has dated.  The unattainable for whatever reason.  The one who broke our heart.  The one who got away.

If we were to use SATC as our bible (but who would do that, seriously?), we would be led to believe that some day our mysterious, elusive Mr. Big will magically reappear back into our lives and we’ll all live happily ever after.  The end.  Newsflash: that’s ridiculous.  When Mr. Big was a douche the first time, Carrie should have kicked him to the curb- for good.  But alas, much easier said than done.  So, fine.  We give the guy another chance.  Still a douche?

Rather than seeing all the good right in front of her (Aidan? Are you effing kidding?) she continues in search of something intangible.  She’s holding out for Mr. Big while simultaneously destroying any and all good that’s right in front of her face.  Sound familiar?  I get it, you don’t want to settle, but there’s a big (no pun intended) difference between “settling” and just being outright stupid.  Get your mind right, little one.  You can go clomping around the globe chasing your Mr. Big but he’s gonna chew you up and spit you out.  A guy who treats you poorly once, always will.  You’d be much better off finding someone who loves you from moment one.

I remember right before my first “real” date with my now fiance.  I wasn’t sold on the whole idea to be honest, but my friend said to me (and I will never forget it), “This is what it looks like when a guy really likes you.”  And she was right.  He pulled out all the stops and really tried.  Once she said that to me, it was a game changer and in some ways, I have her to thank for the way things turned out.

And no, I’m not up on some soapbox just cause I happened to get lucky by meeting the male version of myself.  I’m down in the trenches with you single ladies because I get it.  Hell, I’ve been right down there with you.  I have dated in one of the toughest cities to date in: New York City.  Am I right, ladies?  There I dated some of the biggest douchebags on the planet.  I’m not kidding.  You can check my references.  I’ve been through relationship troubles that would make your stomach turn.  The reason I’m going on and on is because you ladies are beautiful and special and wonderful.  Why on earth would you EVER want someone who didn’t recognize that immediately?  Who wants a guy that took a billion years of hemming and hawing and testing out the other goods before realizing you were “the one”?

You’re better than that.

So my advice to you is to watch SATC for the clothes and Samantha’s sexy boyfriend, Smith rather than for any real life love advice.  It is a TV SHOW afterall.  And for those late adopters, 1. better late than never, 2. go out and splurge on the DVD’s. There is a lot lost in the editing for cable TV (listen, a nipple can go a long way).

xx,

WhyDid

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Miss No Strings Attached in theaters back in January? No worries, you can catch it in theaters now… except this time it’s called Friends with Benefits - oh and they replaced Ashton and Natalie with Justin and Mila. No biggie. Not sure how exactly this slipped through the cracks with movie producers and studio heads, especially when all involved have worked so closely (Black Swan, That 70′s Show). You’d think at some point in between takes of the lesbian scene in Black Swan, Natalie might’ve mentioned something like, “You’re way better at this than Ashton. We’re doing a new movie together about these friends who have sex…”

And Mila would say, “No way!! JT and I are doing the same thing!”

Then they’d smack five and get back to business. Anyway, seeing that there are two major movies and four mega stars covering the sultry subject, I figured it must be something on the forefront of people’s minds. Just like the premise of the movies, having a “friend with benefits” (also known as a f*ck buddy), seems like a great idea in theory when in between relationships, but as everyone could guess (without having to sit through the movies or spend $15 a ticket) it never turns out quite the way you’d planned.

See it all gets a bit messy when one (if not both) catches stronger than “just friends” feelings. It’s nearly impossible for neither party to get attached when so much time is spent naked and in between the sheets. Sex is a very intimate thing and no matter how modern the woman (or man), sex is always more than just sex. I mean, let’s be serious, would you really sleep with someone you didn’t like… just a little? My verdict? Friends with benefits is always a bad idea.

Now, here’s the part where I bring it full circle by completely contradicting myself. I actually think the best relationships are built between people who have strong friendships. The trick is seamlessly transitioning from best buds to bed buds. The sexy part of relationships always fade (at least a little bit), but the sturdy foundation of friendship can keep a couple afloat.

So what do you think? Would you do the deed with a friend in need?

Take Our Poll

Whatever you decide, always be safe with your body and mind.

xx,

WhyDid

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Have you ever met someone who came on so strong that it was off putting?  Kind of like walking into an elevator that wreaks of cheap cologne?  Makes you gag and want to exit immediately.  But it’s too late. The doors have already closed.  You’re stuck on the ride… at least for a little bit.

At our core, we all want to feel accepted, so when someone embraces us immediately, it can have a very ego boosting effect.  But be careful my beautiful beans…

Whether it’s a new friend or a new beau, opening up or offering up too much can be a big fat red flag.  When people give you so much of themselves and their lives so early on, it can be interpreted in a few different ways (none of which are good):

• Desperate
• Insincere
• Obsessive

I have dated guys who gave me the keys to their apartments in the first two weeks of courting.  While in the moment it feels flattering and exciting, you’ve got to pump the brakes and ask yourself, is this too much too soon?  Well, let’s just put it this way, I’m not dating any of said key slangin’ gentlemen.  It’s fun to play house and it’s nice to feel wanted, but what on earth is the rush?  One of the fellows who so kindly bestowed upon me the keys to his domicile turned out to be incredibly possessive and controlling.  He wanted me to have his keys so he knew I would always be at his home.  It was like a serrated metal GPS.  Needless to say, those keys were deposited ever so kindly in a white envelope and returned to sender.

Guys aren’t the only ones who make unwanted advances in relationships.  Girls can also come on all hot and heavy giving you the feeling of “kindred spirits.”  These are the girls you need to watch out for.  Most likely, they don’t have a ton of “real” friends.  They have about 4 billion acquaintances though.  While they are fun to share laughs over a cocktail with, be careful of the information you share.  If your new gal pal wants to give a detailed outline of her befuddled past, let her.  Just don’t get caught up in the fun and lose your head.  All great relationships (platonic or romantic) take time and building of trust.  Who knows? A month from now you may realize you don’t even like the person.

Now when I meet people who are overly clingy, I’m a bit wary.  Not to say that I don’t like nice people.  There’s a huge difference between being friendly and being “emotionally slutty.”  I do not need to know your sexual past and we certainly don’t need to start naming our children within the first thirty minutes of meeting.  My friendships and relationships are very sacred.  I don’t let just anybody in and neither should you.

xx,

WhyDid

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Oh, hello there. Yes, I’ve been MIA for a moment or two, but much like a boomerang, I always return.  This time with fun news to announce soon. Anyway, we return to our regularly scheduled program in 3, 2, 1…

With Facebook driving up divorce rates, it’s clear Granny is shaking her head somewhere and we have entered another realm of dating hell.  We are long gone from the days of sock hops, corsages, and soda fountains.  Forget about opening doors and sending flowers.  We’re doing dating 2.0 and it’s not your grandmother’s dating.

Nowadays you can log onto sites like Ashley Maddison that will help you orchestrate an affair and there are more dating websites than you can shake a stick at. However, you don’t even need to go to such extremes to find love on the web.  Using social platforms like Twitter and Facebook you can connect with just about anyone on the planet.  All you need is access to a computer, internet connection, and hungry loins.

I remember falling prey to creeps “trolling” the internet back in the early days of Myspace and Facebook (thank heavens for privacy settings!), but guys aren’t the only predators on the internet these days.  Many girls “tweet” and “poke” at boys who catch their eye.  A lot of females are very forward and outright pushy when pursuing the objects of their affection.  By being so “easy” and available to guys, women are simply making it that much harder on themselves.  See, the more you chase the less trouble fellas go to in order to woo you and win your heart.  Kiss hand written love letters and picnics in the park goodbye.

I’m fairly certain that the internet is ruining dating, relationships, and worst of all, chivalry.  Forget only a phone call away.  It’s become clear that people are just a few key strokes away.  Ask me out via Facebook, Twitter, email, or DailyBooth and watch how quickly you’re unfriended, unfollowed, or sitting alone listening to the sound of crickets.

Would you take a gamble on internet lovin’?

Take Our Poll

xx,

WhyDid

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It always seems that the people who are looking the hardest for love are the ones without it.  Seems unfair, but I suppose that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.  Maybe it’s because they seem desperate.  Maybe it’s because they are looking so hard they can’t see what’s right in front of their face.  Whatever the case may be, they are unable to find love.

I won’t disclose all the details (I’ll save that for my novel), but let’s just say that I found true love in a very unexpected fashion.  A little over a year ago, I had been coping with the aftermath of a gut wrenching breakup by going out a lot and dating several different boys without the intent of committing to any of them.  I had sworn off marriage altogether and decided that living in a beach shack with my beautiful adopted children and pets would be just fine.

And then a funny thing happened. I needed help with a project and a girlfriend of mine put me in touch with a former colleague who she’d remained friendly with.  From the first email, there was a connection.  I looked forward to each and every one of his email exchanges more than an episode of Gossip Girl.  While they had started as formal and work related, they turned into hilariously quick back and forth banter that I’d never shared with anyone before.  One of my friends called it early on, but I refused to admit that I’d met my match.

I fought it the entire time.  I had four million different reasons why it couldn’t be. He wasn’t even remotely my “type.” He lived across the country.  He couldn’t possibly like me…  He was my mirror image and he was exactly what I needed.  I raised my white flag and finally surrendered to the love that had been there all along.

My point is this.  Once you come to terms with yourself and the possibility of being alone, you’re more likely to be open to someone else.  Perhaps when you are looking so hard for love, you force things that aren’t meant to be.  You may even settle for someone who is only “eh” rather than “AH!”  Sometimes people are so scared of being alone that they accept behavior and people who aren’t worthy.  You can’t find love.  Love can only find you and you’ve got to be ready and willing when it knocks on your door.  It may very well show up looking a bit different than you’d imagined, but it’s love all the same.

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Everyone knows how much I love my dog.  He literally taught me how to love.  I never knew my heart could feel like it was going to explode with joy until he trotted his furry white paws over to me as a two pound puppy.  It was love at first lick.  That said, while he is the cutest, sweetest dog on the planet, he doesn’t really know any tricks.  He’s four years old and only knows “sit.”  Not particularly impressive.  He also doesn’t really listen to a word I say unless it is W A L K or T R E A T.  So, is it too late to teach Smitty anything new?  Or is it true what they say, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”?

Well, as I did some research it became abundantly clear that dogs and men may have a lot more in common than you might think.  Now, let me preface this by saying that no matter how hard you try, you can never “change” a man.  However, some bad behavior can be alleviated by using the very same tactics you might use to train your beloved pooch.

Set the Precedent: From the beginning, it is imperative to make clear which behavior is acceptable and which behavior is not.  If you’ve let him chew up your shoes, bark all night, and pee on the rug for a while now, you can’t all of a sudden decide that you don’t like that behavior.  Start early and be firm (no matter how cute his little face is).

Positive Reinforcement: While you might think scolding, and smacking, and rubbing his nose in pee is most effective in correcting bad behavior, you’d be wrong.  Giving praise, compliments, and treats for the desired behavior is far more effective.  When he knows he will be rewarded for acting a particular way, he’s more likely to repeat that behavior (Pavlov’s dog ring a bell?).

Consistency is Key: You have to be consistent in your training because it can be very confusing otherwise.  If you let him get away with crapping on the floor one day, but then berate him for it the next, he isn’t going to know if it’s okay or not.

Patience is a Virtue: Going along with the last tip is patience.  Behavior won’t change over night.  So, stick with it and be consistent.

If all else fails, at least he’s cute, right?

xx,

WhyDid

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As Valentine’s Day approaches, I know a lot of young ladies (and some of you men) are feeling a little down and out about spending this heart filled fuzzy wuzzy holiday alone.  Well, stop it.

The photo above is a little plaque my mom gave to me after a pretty shitty breakup (see where I get my sense of humor?).  I have never been the kind of girl who felt the need to have a boyfriend all the time.  Hell, I spent most of my college career single (and I didn’t even have Smitty yet!).  I enjoy hanging out with myself and I have dated enough to know that spending time with someone who sucks is more work than it’s worth.  Why would I want to spend my precious time entertaining some buffoon, when I could be rubbing my heels with a pumice stone or watching re-runs of SATC?  I’m being serious.

So many people are under the impression that if they are alone it says something about them.  I have seen and know quite a few people who are only in relationships because they feel it validates them in some way.  They’re completely miserable, but it’s totes better to be with someone crappy than be- gasp- alone, right?  Wrong!

I spent last Valentine’s Day with my dear, dear, TJ Kelly (my gay love), eating cupcakes from Billy’s Bakery and making each other laugh.  It wasn’t that I didn’t have other offers (um, of course I did), but I would have preferred hanging with Teej any day of the week over forcing myself to spend the night with some d-bag who just wanted to get me liquored up and attempt to hump my leg later.  No, thanks!

Why can’t being single mean being confident?  Being single simply means you won’t settle for some average Joe and are holding out for Prince Charming. Duh.

Don’t let some silly holiday make you feel bad about being single.  Be happy that you aren’t stuck with some loser who you don’t even like.

xx,

WhyDid

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The other day I had to pull an intervention on a girlfriend who was being completely crazy and masochistic.  Though I love her dearly, I had to save her from herself.  What was her problem?  She was obsessing over an ex… The real problem? It wasn’t her ex.  It was her boyfriend’s ex.

For some reason girls love to know about their boyfriend’s exes.  I can not explain this.  I think we want to find out why it didn’t work and obviously compare what an “upgrade” we are to his old flame.  While a little curiosity may not kill you, if you let the need for knowledge get out of hand, you will drive yourself bat shit crazy.  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and the good ol’ Google, you can do quite a bit of reconnaissance work.

However, be careful how deep you dare to dig because once you see some things, you will never be able to erase them from your brain.  In all honesty, yes, he did have a life before you.  Yes, he has had other girlfriends.  And yes, he did most likely care about them at some point in the previous relationship.  Also, don’t forget that you have a past too.  I doubt your boo wants to think about all of the boys before him and I doubt you’d want him to.

I had a guy friend once tell me that his girlfriend brought up his ex so much that he had now thought about his ex MORE in his CURRENT relationship than he did when he was dating her.  How crazy is that?  You said you’d never have a threesome… yet it looks like his ex will be joining you every night in bed.

As if orchestrated by the heavens, I read a quote yesterday that perfectly summarized all of this:

If it happened before you, then it really doesn’t concern you. Don’t let an ugly past ruin a beautiful future. – Rob Hill Sr.

The point is, his ex is just that- his ex.  If he loved her and wanted to be with her, he would.  Do not get so caught up in the past that you completely destroy any chance of a future.  You, my girl, are smart, beautiful, and wonderful and that’s why your boyfriend is with you.  He’s not the one who can’t get over his ex… you are.

Get over it.

xx,

WhyDid

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