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Why Did You Date Him: Eye of the Tiger

By |April 20th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|

kiks

Okay, so everyone is about SICK of hearing about Tiger and Jesse, but I’m going to go ahead and throw in my two cents.  I mean, why wouldn’t I? However, I’d like to focus more on the female side of things.

A lot of people have wondered how on Earth these ladies didn’t know there was something going on behind their backs. They’ve hypothesized that Elin must have known and was just hanging around for the $$. Cha-ching. The same can NOT obviously be said about Sandra though, seeing as she was the bread winner. So dub tee eff was going on?

Well, luckily (or unluckily), I have some perspective from both sides of things.  In one of my past relationships, my bf was unfortunately “stepping out” on me. I don’t know exactly what it was that gave me the inkling that he was doing so, but once I had that gut feeling, my anntenna was UP. Way up.  After finding some incriminating texts (more like sexts),  raunchy emails, and some retarded Tweets,  I knew I’d been right all along. Now, some may argue that I was digging for things, and while that may be true, the evidence was still there. Whether I had looked for it or not, he was still cheating on me. So, here’s the kicker… I stayed. Somehow, he was able to convince me that I had hallucinated the entire thing and none of it had really  happened. Dub tee eff was my problem? Well, I wanted to believe him. It was easier to stay and pretend things were okay than to acknowledge that I was on a one way flight to Bullshitville.

Eventually, events transpired that made it impossible for me to stay. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say, I understand Elin and the golf clubs…

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On the flipside, I have also been the girl that guys with girlfriends have pursued. I know, it’s horrible. While, I typically tried to keep things at arm’s length, the attention is flattering and that damn ITIS syndrome always seems to kick in. I had no real intentions of being with them, but it was fun for a laugh and to see how far you could get them to go. Ugh. I’m going to need to go do some Hail Mary’s shortly. I always thought to myself, “HOW does this chick not know her bf is such a scumbag?” Ironic, no? I do believe I was put in such situations to understand what had happened while I was being cheated on. I learned how freaking EASY it is for guys to cheat and understood the feeling of the “other woman.” I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m no Michelle McGee. My moral hiccups always seemed to kick in and I couldn’t go through with things, but had I been a different type of girl…

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At the end of the day, I don’t think that either of these women was sticking around for money or perks. When you love someone, it is always hard to walk away from it, even when you know you need to. Just because they are in the public eye (now more than ever), doesn’t mean they aren’t real women with real feelings. Being cheated on is hurtful and embarrassing. I would NEVER wish the pain on someone else. Eventually it gets to the point where you have absolutely no choice but to get to steppin’ and never look back. My final advice? Homewreckers, keep it in your pants. You’re not that “special.” Victims of dbaggery? Run (don’t walk) at the first sign of scum. Dbags, the truth will always come out… eventually. Enjoy the ride while you can and hide all golf clubs and sharp objects. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

xx,

WhyDid

Givin’ Him the Eye

By |November 18th, 2009|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

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As many of you are well aware, there is a serious BBM (Blackberry Messenger) obsession/sickness going on. Peronally, the only reason I like BBM is for the amazing emoticons (although, I have a few suggestions- Blackberry, have your people call my people). It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you can check whether or not your “friends” have read your message or not, stalkers.  Big fan of the “thumbs up,” fyi.

Anyway, my point is being lost here. Let’s talk about emoticons. A while ago, I had an incredibly traumatic experience that involved none other than the dreaded “wink face.”  Who knew a semi-colon and a half parentheses could wreak such havoc? Yeah, I wasn’t aware either.  Thanks a lot, punctation marks.

A young lady (and I’m really stretching the word “lady” here) tweeted a little somethin’ somethin’ about my then bf.  The statement wasn’t particularly racy… that is, until she added the “;-)” after it.  Um, I think we all know what the wink face means. Oh no, you didn’t!  I, myself have given the ol’ wink face a time or two in my day (i.e., the neverending facebook message romance, along with my epistolary BBM love story). I KNOW what the wink face means, biotch.

Now the smiley face, that is a safer emoticon. That just means you’re happy. I’m cool with you, smiley face.  Smiley face can be used in many contexts and is even safe to use with family members. Do not over “smiley” though.  For one, no one is that happy and also, you don’t want to dilute the effect of a smiley. Use it only when you really are happy.

Kiss face (:-*), you’re nothing but trouble. Please use this one wisely.  I use it for my girlfriends who I adore madly.  It is reserved only for very special people. I’m no “kiss face slut.”  I suggest you not be one either.

Thumbs up and thumbs down, are certainly my favorites. I insert a thumbs down rather than my typical response of “ew” to texts that I don’t like.

In closing, I suggest thinking before you emoticon.  I’m not sure if that is even proper English or if, in fact, “emoticon” can be used as a verb, but that’s fine.  You get what I’m saying.  A wink face (more like a wonk face) basically put the nail in the coffin of my last relationship, so this clearly is not a subject to be taken lightly.  Use your emoticons wisely and give your thumbs a rest!

wink

wink wink,

WhyDid

Markets May Be Down, But Your Stock Could Be Going Up

By |April 7th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Uncategorized, Why Did You Date Him?|

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So, one of my young male friends often talks about how he can not capture the heart of a worthy woman in this city.  He’s no schlub, mind you, but he hasn’t quite hit his stride in his career either.  He’s also on the younger side (read: under 30) and hasn’t quite gotten all of his partying/oat sewing out just yet.

He tends to meet lots of floozies and spends his nights with drunken sorority girls and women of low caliber.  Then the next day he wakes up (usually with one of those drunken floozies) feeling empty and most likely hungover.  I scold him about these little raunchy escapades, but to no avail.  I remind him that he is probably not hanging out in places that the respectable and date worthy women frequent.

Then I read this articleby the lovely and hilarious DABA girls.  It gave me an idea.  Maybe my dear young friend should be aiming much, much higher.  If these “take home to mama” kind of girls are feeling undersexed and under-appreciated by their banker/laid off banker bf’s, maybe there is a shot for a guy like him.  He may not be bank rolling like the guys of Wall Street, but he is charming, respectful, good looking, and I’m sure has plenty of “loving” to go around.  No disrespect, DABA girls, this might just be something fun to hold you over until the next boom on Wall Street… kind of like a disco nap before a big night out or a black and white cookie before your 10:30 dinner reservation at Waverly.  See? Everybody wins! Just a thought…

xx,

WhyDid

We’re All Bitches

By |March 13th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Uncategorized, Why Did You Date Him?|

(Please note, this post is for you ladies as well.  For you, “They’re All Dogs” is the title.)

New York is a city full of millions of people and while you may be surrounded by hundreds of people at any given moment, sometimes you still feel completely alone.  Hence, this brings up the question, “Should I get a girlfriend or a dog?” (My friend, swear to you, just asked me this five minutes ago).

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Nine times out of ten, I am going to go with the dog.  I may be slightly biased because I happen to have the most awesome dog on the planet, but I do have reasoning to back up my vote for the dog.

  • They can’t talk- or talk back. (Barking does not count- annoying as it may be at times).
  • Buying your furry bitch a shirt from Trixie and Peanut is far cheaper than buying your unfurry (hopefully) bitch a shirt from Prada.
  • Unconditional love. Period. End of story.  They do not care if you look like crap, you smell funky, or you didn’t email them enough today at work.
  • They always want to cuddle and you don’t have to suffer through a round of jack rabbit sex to get a good snuggle.
  • No matter what time you get home, they are ALWAYS psyched to see you.  Rather than your gf (bf) tapping her (his) foot when you stroll (stumble) in at 4am.
  • Beneful is a hell of a lot cheaper than a meal at Nobu.
  • They are incredibly loyal.  Your dog is not going to cheat on you, leave you for a new owner, or run off to Vegas for the weekend.
  • Honestly, at the end of the day, I would much rather clean up literal shit than figurative shit.

So there you have it.  Now get to the local animal shelter and adopt yourself the ultimate companion.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

By |February 7th, 2009|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

breakup

In the last couple of months a few of my girlfriends have experienced some very wonky breakups.  Breaking up sucks.  We all know that and we’ve all been there.

Sometimes it is almost as painful to watch a breakup as it is to be in the middle of one (okay, probably not even close to “as painful” but it still sucks).  No matter what you say, your pal is totally bummed and basically the only person who’s going to be able to pull her out of that blackhole of wallowing is her.

So to you hot young babes suffering from serious heart pain, here are my tips on ways to forget that loser (because he really was one, after all) and get back on that horse (preferably a stallion). (more…)