1. People comparing Christina Aguilera to Lady Gaga. Love Gags, but Xtina has been around for over ten years. Come on. No one’s re-inventing the wheel here.
2. April showers. I better see a LOT of May flowers with the kind of nonsense you threw at us, April.
3. The Zegerid OTC commercial. I don’t need to see your pudgy white chest. Ever. Got heartburn just watching it. Clever marketing.
4. Tyra Banks’ jumpsuits.
5. Tyra Banks.
6. People’s inability to use the sidewalk efficiently. Again, can someone please write an etiquette book on this?
7. Oil spills. Ever see a Dawn commercial? Not cool.
8. Cramps. One of the many joys of being a woman.
9. The man in the purple velvet blazer who tried to pick me up off the street. See this face? Not interested.
10. The German Shepard down the hall who licks his lips every time he sees Smitty. He’s not a snack, Kujo. Slow your roll.

Happy Friday!

xx,

WhyDid

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So, Kingsley did it. I’ve done it before. Today, I will do it again. Just a few things that annoyed me this week.

1. Kate Gosselin’s weave.
2. Volcanoes. I mean, really? We have things to do and you’re totes effing up our sched.
3. Bathroom attendants. I don’t need your help pumping the soap and no, you don’t deserve a dollar for it.
4. Molly Sims. No reason necessary.
5. People who talk to me when I’ve clearly got headphones on. I’m obvi trying to avoid all communication with you. Get it?
6. iPads. Still don’t get it.
7. The Millionaire Matchmaker reunion show. Reunion shows are bullshit.
8. Cellulite. I wanna know the male equivalent. Balding?
9. SJP’s Vogue cover. Why does she look 24? She’s 40+ and we know it.
10. Shrimp.

Okay, that’s all… for this week.

xx,

WhyDid

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Seriously, Tyra?  You’ve gone too far this time.  Cycle 13 of America’s Next Top Model (slated to premiere tonight) is dedicated to “models” who are 5’7 and under.  Yeah, that’s right.  Anyone over 5’7 who showed up to the auditions was turned away.

Basically, the show has given in to the fact that it’s a total joke.  While I have tuned in to several seasons from start to finish (it is good entertainment, after all) none of the winners or contestants have ever gone on to have legitimate modeling careers.  The only posing they are doing is on the banquettes of NY nightclubs.

Maybe producers decided that tall girls were no longer interesting.  After the casting fiasco for the shorty showdown, perhaps they are on to something.  Either that or maybe the tall girls realized this was not the way to go about getting signed to an agency and a kiss of death to their career.

Being a lofty 5’7, myself, I just find the whole concept silly.  I did the obligatory stint in modeling that most girls go through after arriving in Manhattan, but soon realized I was a good two inches too short and 5 years too late.  Granted Kate Moss is only 5’7, but she makes up for her lack of height in sheer badassness (not sure that’s a word, but we’re talking about Kate here). I would assume the real working models of the world think of this as a kind of insult? Either way, I will probably still tune in and watch Tyra talk about herself and teach the girls how to “smile with their eyes.”  Good reality TV is hard to find.

xx,

WhyDid

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So clearly, I have had a bit of extra time on my hands these days.  This has gven me the opportunity to conjure up some deep thoughts…

• Did I NOT get the memo that cowboy boots are making a comeback?  I remember hussing around Manhattan in tiny short shorts and cowboy boots circa 2005, but that was courtesy of the Dukes of Hazard remake (you have NO idea how much it hurts me to give Jessica Simpson credit for anything). Anyway, I’ve seen more than a couple young ladies strutting the streets wearing cowboy boots recently.  Now that summer finally arrived and temperatures are nearing the 90′s, there’s nothing I’m less interested in sticking my foot in than a bulky leather boot. P-U.  For the record, the original Daisy (Catherine Bach) didn’t even wear cowboy boots.

Now that’s how short shorts are done!

• I keep seeing this commercial for Maybelline’s SuperStay 24 Hour Makeup. Um, really?  I personally do not wear foundation because I don’t like it, but for the life of me I can not understand why anyone needs to have their makeup stay on their face for 24 CONSECUTIVE HOURS!!! Ever heard of letting your skin breathe?  Facewash? Acne?

• Dear Carrie Bradshaw- I just rewatched the Sex and the City movie with my mom last night (don’t judge me) and I have a bone to pick with you.  Other than the fact that you all overacted your characters, you also gave girls across the country “false hope.” Remember when your sweet sweet assistant Louise (from St. Louis) reminded you to go grab your $450 Manolo’s from the apartment before they changed the locks? And you corrected her that they were $525?  Um, well… girls around the globe probably saved up their funds in hopes of slipping on these shoes and finding their own Mr. Big… until they got to the store and the shoes were actually $945!!!

Whew! I feel better.

xx,

WhyDid

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Dear waiter,

Whydidja…. Remove my plate at the restaurant last night when it was clear I was not finished? My apologies for bothering you while you were trying to work. I am a model, but I will eat my entire meal. thank you.

xx,

WhyDidJas

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