So, in the last two days, I have received SEVERAL inquiries as to why I have not yet discussed the latest heinous “As Seen On TV” product… Pajama Jeans.  Well, the fact of the matter is, my friends, I covered this. Let’s take a moment to revisit the post here.

That’s right. Almost a year ago, I saw these satanic excuses for pants on TV and had hoped they would just: Go. Away.  It seemed they did for awhile, but as of late I’m beginning to think that Pajama Jeans received a second round of Pajama Jean financing and amped up their marketing efforts.  Now, every fifteen minutes, there is a commercial for these walking fire hazards. I really don’t have it in me to “expand” on this topic. Just don’t let me catch you wearing them. I will be forced to find the closest sharp object and impale your heart with it.

So, don’t worry. I’m aware of the situation. I’m just going to continue pretending it isn’t there in hopes that it will just Go. Away.

xx,

WhyDid

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Have you ever been minding your own business when someone came out of nowhere and told you what to do?

A gentleman once informed my girlfriend when she was just wearing her sunglasses and trying to cross the street that it was not, in fact, sunny. She looked at him baffled. “I mean, well thank you, sir. I wasn’t aware that the well being of my pupils lied in your hands. I do, however, appreciate your concern.”

I understand the general comments like, “Your shoe’s untied” or “You’ve got something on your bum” but what about these unnecessary bits of advice? Are they necessary? Probs not.

On the other hand, my bf was manning the Gilt City Sprinkles cupcake truck, when he saw a man give his dog a CHOCOLATE cupcake. That’s right, chocolate. You know, the kind that kills dogs when they eat it. Anyway, he was concerned (as any normal animal lover would be) that the dog was going to die on the spot after ingesting such large quantities of cocoa. So, he said to the man that dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate. What did the man do? He gave a death stare and turned and walked away. I pray that poor pooch made it through the night and then packed his bones and left home.

So when is it okay to give advice and when should you keep your mouth shut? Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie’s friend, Susan Sharon, asks for advice about whether or not to divorce her husband? It’s one of those tricky situations where you lose no matter what you say.

My vote? Unless your friend has spinach in her teeth or is about to fall down a manhole, it’s probably best to keep your mouth shut with the unnecessary commentary.

xx,

WhyDid

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So, as I was perusing Facebook on my Blackberry last night while I waited for my girlfriend to return from the bathroom, I became irate. I think people are abusing the right to “update” their “status.” This very same topic made “the list” not so long ago and it seems that some of you did not get the point. Here is just a small sampling of the updates that I encountered:

• HAPPY!!
• Many things.
• Ugh.
• I haven’t been up this late in a long time. Thanks, coffee!!
• has anxiety.
• Alright, world. I’m ready for you.
• lazy Sunday!!
• Hahahahaha…. just giggly
• LALALALALALALALA
• yay
• i <3 mamosas
• BORED
• bored… so I’m off to tan.
• laying in bed
• is excited
• so tired.
• Charmed&Dangerous! XO
• Is so so so sad.. Thought it was my turn to be happy??????
• It’s party day!
• It’s going to be a crazy day….crazy crazy crazy!!
• is St. Tropez.
• easier said than done….. coulda woulda shoulda..

Apologies if one of those is yours. Upon reading these to my friend, a cleanse of my Facebook friends was strongly suggested. While a few were certainly sacrificed, I figured I’d give some status update pointers before ridding my account of the rest of you Facebook status spammers.

1. Spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck. That little red line under the word you just typed is trying to tell you something. Another rule of thumb? Don’t use words that you can’t spell.
2. If you are on Facebook, we already know that you’re probably bored. No need to broadcast it.
3. A half assed coy “happy” or “excited” post is bullshit. No one likes a tease. Either spill the beans o or don’t.
4. Don’t forget to remove the “is.” You are a not a city, a country, or an emotion.
5. Broadcasting your personal problems is what therapy is for. No one on your friends list is that interested. If you need help, call a professional.
6. I don’t care what you had for breakfast and neither do your 300 other “friends.”
7. Facebook is not meant for bragging about how great your life is. Are you trying to convince us or yourself?
8. You are not Eminem. Quoting song lyrics is unnecessary. I get it, you’re feeling exactly like Christina Aguilera did when she wrote the lyrics to her last ballad- except she didn’t write it. Her producer did. Shut up. No one cares.
9. I do not need a play by play of your schedule. Facebook is not a Post-it. If you need a reminder, write yourself a note.
10. Before you post, ask yourself, “Would I give a shit if someone else wrote this?”

xx,

WhyDid

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Where, oh, where does the time go? Seems like I was just detailing the things that make my blood boil and skin crawl… yet, here we are again.

1. Dropping red nail polish in your bathroom, shattering it, and “re-decorating” in the process.
2. People who talk on their cell phones at the gym. I mean, I text but that’s tooootally different… right?
3. Re-runs.
4. Harem pants. Give it up, already.
5. Back fat. (And apparently I’m not alone in this). 
6. Humidity. Heat is one thing, but now  you’re messing with my hair. We have problems.
7. Pigeons. In all contexts.
8. Cleaned out my closet the other day… Look who I found hiding in there:
9. Have we forgotten about that pesky lil’ oil spill thingy?
10. Lebron James… really?

Until next time…

xx,

WhyDid

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While soaking in the sun (and some rose) poolside at Soho House last week, I was startled to see some really horrific footwear that nearly killed my blissfully happy buzz.

WTF?  I’m sorry, what does one call these? Are they flip flops? Are they socks? Flip socks? I’m confused. Is it hot out? Is it cold out? Did you forget to shave your ankles? Do you have cankles? What is the problem? Please tell me.

You know you aren’t supposed to wear socks with sandals, so why are you trying to break the rules? Would you wear these?

Didn’t think so. The only time I can think these might even be useful are while running home after a pedicure so as not to smudge those freshly lacquered tootsies. But then again… I’D JUST WEAR FLIP FLOPS.  Too cold for flip flops? Then WEAR SHOES. Real shoes. Not these hybrid foot freakshows. (Pretty sure a similar pair made my frightening footwear roundup).

Pick a side. Are you wearing socks or are you wearing flip flops? You can’t have it all.

xx,

WhyDid

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1. People comparing Christina Aguilera to Lady Gaga. Love Gags, but Xtina has been around for over ten years. Come on. No one’s re-inventing the wheel here.
2. April showers. I better see a LOT of May flowers with the kind of nonsense you threw at us, April.
3. The Zegerid OTC commercial. I don’t need to see your pudgy white chest. Ever. Got heartburn just watching it. Clever marketing.
4. Tyra Banks’ jumpsuits.
5. Tyra Banks.
6. People’s inability to use the sidewalk efficiently. Again, can someone please write an etiquette book on this?
7. Oil spills. Ever see a Dawn commercial? Not cool.
8. Cramps. One of the many joys of being a woman.
9. The man in the purple velvet blazer who tried to pick me up off the street. See this face? Not interested.
10. The German Shepard down the hall who licks his lips every time he sees Smitty. He’s not a snack, Kujo. Slow your roll.

Happy Friday!

xx,

WhyDid

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So, Kingsley did it. I’ve done it before. Today, I will do it again. Just a few things that annoyed me this week.

1. Kate Gosselin’s weave.
2. Volcanoes. I mean, really? We have things to do and you’re totes effing up our sched.
3. Bathroom attendants. I don’t need your help pumping the soap and no, you don’t deserve a dollar for it.
4. Molly Sims. No reason necessary.
5. People who talk to me when I’ve clearly got headphones on. I’m obvi trying to avoid all communication with you. Get it?
6. iPads. Still don’t get it.
7. The Millionaire Matchmaker reunion show. Reunion shows are bullshit.
8. Cellulite. I wanna know the male equivalent. Balding?
9. SJP’s Vogue cover. Why does she look 24? She’s 40+ and we know it.
10. Shrimp.

Okay, that’s all… for this week.

xx,

WhyDid

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So clearly, I have had a bit of extra time on my hands these days.  This has gven me the opportunity to conjure up some deep thoughts…

• Did I NOT get the memo that cowboy boots are making a comeback?  I remember hussing around Manhattan in tiny short shorts and cowboy boots circa 2005, but that was courtesy of the Dukes of Hazard remake (you have NO idea how much it hurts me to give Jessica Simpson credit for anything). Anyway, I’ve seen more than a couple young ladies strutting the streets wearing cowboy boots recently.  Now that summer finally arrived and temperatures are nearing the 90′s, there’s nothing I’m less interested in sticking my foot in than a bulky leather boot. P-U.  For the record, the original Daisy (Catherine Bach) didn’t even wear cowboy boots.

Now that’s how short shorts are done!

• I keep seeing this commercial for Maybelline’s SuperStay 24 Hour Makeup. Um, really?  I personally do not wear foundation because I don’t like it, but for the life of me I can not understand why anyone needs to have their makeup stay on their face for 24 CONSECUTIVE HOURS!!! Ever heard of letting your skin breathe?  Facewash? Acne?

• Dear Carrie Bradshaw- I just rewatched the Sex and the City movie with my mom last night (don’t judge me) and I have a bone to pick with you.  Other than the fact that you all overacted your characters, you also gave girls across the country “false hope.” Remember when your sweet sweet assistant Louise (from St. Louis) reminded you to go grab your $450 Manolo’s from the apartment before they changed the locks? And you corrected her that they were $525?  Um, well… girls around the globe probably saved up their funds in hopes of slipping on these shoes and finding their own Mr. Big… until they got to the store and the shoes were actually $945!!!

Whew! I feel better.

xx,

WhyDid

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Dear waiter,

Whydidja…. Remove my plate at the restaurant last night when it was clear I was not finished? My apologies for bothering you while you were trying to work. I am a model, but I will eat my entire meal. thank you.

xx,

WhyDidJas

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Whydidja…feel the DIRE need to stand on the left side of the escalator during rush hour? Was it to block people with jobs trying to COMMUTE to work from walking up? TWO LANES of traffic, people. Left is for walking – right is for talking.

*Whydidjas are a type of PSA (public service announcement) for those who are completely and utterly socially unaware.  Hopefully, daily Whydidjas will make the world a happier and prettier place, one rant at a time.

xx,

WhyDid

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