Feb
09
2010
7

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I LOVE Me?
Written by: WhyDid | Why In Gay Hell?

6-hug-yourself-lg

So, there is a saying out there that we’ve all heard a million times. It goes something  like this, “How can you expect  anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?” The past couple of months I have been on a scavenger hunt for LOVE. I have been dating, and been having disastrous results (check out my last trainwreck) . Along with searching for love, I have also been trying to find the adult in myself. I can say that trying to find both of these things at the same time could be what is making the dating thing hard. I am really focused on my career, learning to manage my money, and getting my credit in order. I have been beating myself up a lot lately, because at 27 years of age I should already KNOW how to do this stuff , right? With that being said, part of me is embarrassed at where I am in my life. I feel like a school project that you waited til the last minute to throw together. The popsicle sticks  and glitter are falling off and the glue is barely dry. It’s not ready to be presented, but you present it anyway. If you couldn’t follow that analogy, the point I am trying to make is I don’t think I am presentable right now. I don’t think I have a lot to offer someone else. That is, unless, you like a disaster and then I’m your guy. This thinking is NOgood.  The main thing I am trying to drive home is I don’t like TJ lately (sad violin plays in the background) soo Why In Gay Hell am I dating? Well, I will tell you why. I like the  attention and validation that I get from a date, especially a first date because at that point it’s based on just physical attraction. It makes me feel good to know that someone thinks I am pretty. It also makes me feel good to know I can score a date when inside I feel like a tragedy. Sooo what do I do about this? How do I learn to LOVE me so that I can be truly open to loving someone else and have them love me back?

Well, I will tell you where I have decided to start: my appearance. I mean, part of loving yourself is loving the way you look, right? Soo with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, and me being single, I have decided to treat MYSELF to some services that cater to my vanity.  Here is a list of services I KNOW always help me like the way I look a little bit more….

  • Get my hair did. Color, Cut, Scalp Treatment:  I always feel great when leaving a salon and I think most people do. Suggestion for all girls in NYC- I work at the best salon in the West Village (and rated best new salon in AM New York), Ryan Darius Salon! I can guarantee if you come down and visit the fab Ryan Nickulas for your hair, you will def. leave loving yourself a LOT more.
  • Get a Mani/Pedi: Now, I am a fingernail aficionado (I do nails at Ryan Darius Salon, for a few Celebs, Fashion Shoots/Shows and TV) sooI know what a good mani/pedi looks like. I also know how good a girl feels after getting beautiful nails. Let’s also remember getting your hands and feet rubbed, I mean who doesnt love that?
  • Getting Skin Soft and Smooth:  I will be getting waxed and a facial. Eyebrows are important to me and when I look in the mirror, I see them so they need to look good. I mean, they are on my face. Also, in the waxing arena (and thank you to WhyDidYouWearThat) I will be getting a little waxing called the “Backdoor.” Being well groomed below the belt can def. step your confidence level up a notch. After leaving the wax room, I head over to get my skin glowing and to gain some mental peace and quiet during a facial.
  • Workin On My Fitness:  I am recommitting to the gym. I want the body I talk about having (this body I talk about resembles Sean Farisjust so ya know) and that means dedication. It also is good to set a goal and accomplish it because proving to yourself that you can accomplish things is another great way to start loving yourself. It’s like running a marathon (I am assuming because I don’t run. Why in Gay Hell would I?) When you finally cross the finish line, you are filled with a feeling that is undeniably amazing because YOU DID IT!

Now, I know from experience that yes, I am going to LOVEmyself a lot more after I get myself glammed up, but I do want to talk briefly about loving the “you inside” and not just  the “you outside.” I’ve also heard somewhere that it’s what’s inside that counts. I think the best way to start loving the “you inside” is to start by saying to yourself right now, “I am where I’m supposed to be.” For me, this starts by not comparing my life to anyone else’s (i.e She’s married soo I should be married. She drives a better car than mine. She makes twice the salary I do, etc.).  My path is my path,no one else’s. I have to be happy where I am today or it’s going to be a pretty miserable journey.

Lately I have been making “Gratitude” and “Accomplishment” lists. I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have in my life and I need to remind myself that I have done things I should be proud of. When you write it down on paper and look at it, it’s  a great feeling. It inspires me to keep pushing and taking the risks I need to. It’s also important to acknowledge your efforts.  Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want, but if you can say you put effort into it, remember that counts. Always give yourself an “A+” in effort. Last, but not least,  trust yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself as long as you put your heart in to it. A good relationship with yourself is like any other relationship you need TRUST to truly LOVE.

Now as far as Valentine’s Day, I am going to cut myself a break and I am not going to jump off the nearest bridge just because I am alone on the holiday of LOVE. Instead I am going to buy myself some of my fave flowers, (check out “Tough Love” to find out what flower that is), order a pizza from one of WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s suggestions, and have the best date with someone I am really happy to be getting to know….ME.

Happy V-day!

xx,

WhyInGayHell

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7 Comments »

  • Laura

    This made me feel good! As happy as i seem to be all the time, i have stuff i must work on as well…and if i wasn’t poor, this girl would be up in that salon, workin my hair and nails…but until then, i’ll take your good advice and work on loving me, and accomplishing things that i would regret not accomplishing…love you T

    Comment | February 9, 2010
  • Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by TJKelly10: http://www.whydidyouwearthat.com/2010/02/09/why-in-gay-hell-wouldnt-i-love-me/ My New Blog Post..Read and Comment and then RETWEET…

    Trackback | February 9, 2010
  • Catherine

    Amazing advice that I need to start following in my own life! :)

    Comment | February 9, 2010
  • Carrie

    I love it. I can completely relate! – are you sure you haven’t been reading my diary? Haha No but seriously you are so clever & witty – does that mean the same thing? Either way I don’t know why in gay hell you wouldn’t love you either, I do! <3

    Comment | February 9, 2010
  • As witness to everything you mentioned here, I am extremely happy for you TJ. Everything you wrote here is absolutely true. Especially the part about your path vs somebody else’s path. That thought process alone has kept me from jumping off a damn bridge! Good or bad, the obstacles in our paths, help create the beautiful story that is our lives. ;)

    xoxoxo

    Comment | February 10, 2010
  • [...] live in, and our childrens’ names (yes, names vary on the guy). I know I just recently wrote a blog about learning to love myself and yes, we are still on that journey… but, I can date, right? [...]

    Pingback | February 23, 2010
  • Again, i love it and i feel ya!

    Comment | February 23, 2010

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