If you have ever seen a train wreck or a car crash then you know how I felt this past Saturday night.  I actually can’t even believe I am going to write about it.  I know part of me has already tried to suppress it and would rather deal with it in ten years with a therapist,  however, I think after going through what I went through, I can now offer some strong advice on how to deal with this kind of situation. What in Gay Hell am I talking about? Dates from Hell!!!

It all started Saturday afternoon when I was contacted by a boy (and I mean a boy..not a man) who I met a couple of weeks ago while out with friends. I am not going to lie, I do think my “picker” is broken and I do always seem to go for the cocky douchebag tools (CDT).  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I like that they are cocky, arrogant, kinda rude and self involved. I believe I am attracted to them because I feel special, like I passed some mysterious test and these awful character flaws will never rear there ugly head in my direction. I am a fool for thinking this!!  I like to think I am soo great and cute that I could bring out the “knight in shining armor” in any boy….

Fact #1  If the guy is an ass in public, he will be an ass on a date. I am NOT sooo amazing that he will transform into a gentleman over night.

So,  Saturday afternoon after some flirtatious texting, I said “Yes” to dinner. I was picked up around 8:30 in a silver Mercedes SUV and we headed to an organic French bistro. So far,  sooo good,  right? I mean hot guy, great car and French food. Ooh la la.

On a first date, I believe that no one should get drunk. I mean, you want to present your best self, right? I order sparkling water, he proceeds to order a bottle of champagne for himself… YES, a bottle! We are not at a club hanging in VIP with P. Diddy  and we are not celebrating anything,sooo really? Now, like I said the first few interactions I had with him he was drunk, but he was out with friends and I excused it or blacked it out cause I couldn’t stop staring at his really cute face.

Fact #2 If walks like Duck.. Talks Like a Duck..it a Duck!!!  If he was drunk when you met him, he will prob get drunk on your date. Same goes if he is a tool, arrogant  or rude.

I know Fact #1 and #2 are similar but, this point needs to be driven home. I need this to be cemented into my head just like “leggings are not pants” has been.  I am just not that special that he is going to change just because he has invited me on a date. Now here is the trick to this fact…If he is a nice, polite, and/or funny, these are traits that will appear on your date, but Why In Gay Hell would I be attracted to nice when badalways looks sooo GOOD?!!

As the dinner went on and the champagne bottle was getting close to empty, he decides he wants to talk about how much he loves to drink saying, “I mean, I have to drink. I loveto drink!!” Now, this was a red flag to me. Why are you sooo focused on the drinking and not getting to know me? I am then informed after dinner that we are going to continue the date by meeting up with some friends of his and then going to a club for some dancing.  This is where I should’ve said “goodnight” and rode off into the sunset on my unicorn- alone. Did I? Of course not!! I thought to myself,  How In Gay Hell could this get any worse?

Fact #3 If your gut tells you something, go with the feeling!If you feel like its time to say “goodbye” say “goodbye.” If something didn’t start well, it’s not going to end well.  If you were on a plane and you knew it was going down, would you stay on for the rest of the ride?  Hell NO! You would grab a parachute and jump for your life. I should’ve jumped!!

Wanting to see if it could get any worse, I went with him to a bar to meet his friends. It got worse!! I order a RedBull,  he orders a Jack on The Rocks (or three). He then asks me if I would mind driving his car home before we head to the club. This made me uncomfortable. I have never driven in the city and I knew this was actually his company car.  I  should’ve said “no” but I also didn’t want him to drive.  Against my gut, I said “Yes, I will drive your car.” I should honestly be slapped for my stupidity!! I mean, now I am the designated driver.  Are we even on a date anymore? What is goin on?

Fact #5 If the question pops into your head “Why In Gay Hell am I still on this date?”..End it ASAP!!  At this point, I was not having fun.  I was staying now to make sure he was delivered home in safe condition. Not my job. I also have heard of other girls having the feeling they should stay on a date because they feel guilty since he paid for dinner. The bottom line is: if it’s over in your head, end it for real. Do not put yourself through any more torture like I did. There are soo many ways out including, but not limited to:
-family emergency
-falling ill

-your pet parrot needs its meds
-you have to check the freshness dates on your dairy products.

Whatever the excuse, use it and leave. Do not subject yourself to torture because of any guilty feeling.

In the end, I finally got a ride home where he rambled on about politics (UGHHH! Who talks politics or religion on a first date?)  Where was he raised? I am not joking.  Mind you, I informed him I only know three things about politics- Barack is president, Joe Biden is XP, and Michelle should stop wearing sleeveless dresses.

After all this, I escaped. I RAN all the way back to Brooklyn where I slept like a baby. When I awoke in the morning, I chuckled to myself and thought what a great story I have to tell to all my girlfriends. Why in Gay Hell wouldn’t they find this amusing?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

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