Why in Gay Hell… ?

As some of you may know, I have met my match. Basically, I have met my sister from another mister and we kind of lead parallel lives.  WhyInGayHell has guided me through several awkward social situations as well as shared with me several of his own.  He’s chocked full of great advice, witty comebacks, beauty tips, and plenty of tricks up his sleeve.  That is why I figured it was time to unleash him upon the general public.  I can’t hide this little light of mine…

Sooo…  here we go….

As the Holiday season is now upon us, I think its time to ask….”Why in Gay Hell did you act like that?”  People these days tend to forget about proper holiday party etiquette. Personally, this disturbs me, actually it makes my head spin like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, but I am getting off topic. I have decided to list the rules and regulations of how to behave like a proper lady at a holiday party. Remember, these are just suggestions, however, if not followed be assured people will be asking themselves, “Why…Oh Why in Gay Hell is she behaving like a Farm Animal?”

1. Do Not Drink Too Much. A lot of people at holiday parties  decide it’s a good time to get shattered. Prob. not the best idea. I am against getting really drunk at any time, however, getting drunk at holiday parties can be particularly bad! Why? You ask. Um, usually holiday parties involve coworkers or family members. Do you really want to see pictures of yourself  shaking  your tit-ties on a table with your boss or better yet one of you feeling up your hot cousin while making a duck face? I know I don’t,  nor do I find pics like this even remotely humorous.
2. DRESS for the OCCASION! PLEASE! If you are going to a Holiday party after 5 in the evening, you should be glammed up. I dont care if the invitation says casual…Screw that! This is a social gathering and you want to present the BEST you that you can.  Your nails should be done, hair curled, and makeup on your face. Stop slacking! How many times a year do you have things where you can actually get all jazzed up? Give me an excuse to wear a tuxedo and I am there. Everyone looks better dressed up!! (quick note- this does not mean you should be covered from head to toe in red and green with a reindeer antler headband or a jingle bell necklace).
3. Be Polite. At many holiday functions, you find yourself thrown in with quite an array of different people and personalities. I know me, myself, and I dislike many people for many different reasons, however, I always am polite and cordial. If you find yourself in a conversation with the drunk girl in the reindeer antler headband, excuse yourself to the bathroom or to the punchbowl. Do not grab the closest  sharpest object and jab it into her eyeball and do not give her a dirty look, toss your hair in her face, and do a model walk in the other direction. Keep in mind people are always watching and you don’t want to be known as the “Bitch” or “Mean Girl” because these are impressions that make you unapproachable and that can harm you in future social situations.
4. Say Thank You! This may seem like common sense to some, but most people forget this simple and most basic rule of etiquette. I was raised to bring a “Thank You” gift to the host of the party (and this is not a bottle of wine you are gonna drink at the party). I think a nice candle or luxurious  bottle of bubble bath, something they can enjoy in their personal time, is a great idea. Now, I know some of us this holiday season might not be able to afford a gift for every host of every party they attend, however, a card with a personal “thank you” written inside goes a long way and I know will be much appreciated.
5. Last, but not Least: Leave  the Party with Class. This is inclusive of really all the rules above. Do not have to be carried out because you are soooo shitty. Do not have to leave because you are the person in jeans and snowman sweater when other people are in beautiful cocktail attire and you are uncomfortable. Do not be the girl asked to leave because she has turned the party against her by being rude to everyone.  And absolutely DO NOT…. and I mean DO NOT just sneak out the back door with no “thank you” to the host. Remember to depart with a “sooo happy to see everyone” attitude and smile on your face. Two more things:  if you bring something to for the party (i.e food or booze ), when you leave, leave what you brought for the rest of the guests and If you stay for the last shot fired, remember to help the host clean up their place.

You might be saying, “Who does this Homosexual think he is telling people how to act?” Remember, these are just suggestions. Take them or don’t.  If you don’t, however, you are the one that will look like the Holiday Ass and you’re the one that people will be asking, “Why In Gay Hell did we Invite her?”

xx,

WhyInGayHell